Title: Scars (snippet)
By: Jessica Harris
Rating: M/K, R, 1/1
Disclaimer: The usual. Not mine, Chris Carter's. No profit. Etc.
Notes: This has been sitting on my hard-drive for a million years, and I'm
housecleaning, and I don't think it's going to be taken any further. And
as a capricorn I hate loose ends and unfinished business. So I thought I'd
post it as-is and get rid of it. No beta, no nothing.
Feedback: Makes me happy. Lumpj@hotmail.com



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Scars
Jessica Harris
==============

I lost my hard-on the first time I touched the stump of his arm. And that
was nearly the end of it, of us, almost before there really was an 'us'.
He felt my cock start to soften against his thigh and he shoved me away
with a snarl.

And for once I made the right decision. I grabbed him and pulled him back,
held on fiercely as he tried to struggle, until we both overbalanced and I
managed to get him on his stomach and pin him to the ground, make him
stay.

Because it wasn't disgust that made me lose it. I say that there wasn't an
'us' yet, but that's not quite true. Something had sparked between us
right from the start, some kind of connection, and when he betrayed me it
didn't so much destroy that connection as - well, *twist* it somehow. I
still dreamed of those long-lashed eyes in that strange old-young face,
but my fantasies got very... dark. I dreamt of beating him until he was
half-unconscious and then doing whatever I wanted to him.... I dreamt of
him coming upon me in the darkness and overwhelming me, making me
powerless to resist the things I imagined him doing to me...

And that night started out just like one of my fantasies. It was dark when
I walked into my apartment, and when hands grabbed me and pushed me up
against the wall my body reacted as though this were just another fantasy,
my cock hardening instantly. And he felt it, and froze - went absolutely
still for a long moments of time. Then suddenly we were grinding and
rubbing against each other, panting, clothing seeming to tear itself right
off our bodies, and that was like the fantasy too - the frenzy, the fury,
losing myself.

And then I touched his arm. His stump. The strange roughness and
smoothness of it, the scars and calluses, the butchery of it all...

And that's when I realised that this was no dark nemesis embodying all my
frustrations, no demon lover come to absolve me of all responsibility, but
just a man. A man who smelt faintly of sweat and the fall air outside,
whose heart I could feel racing against me, a man who had suffered and
lost as much as I had. That this was no fantasy, but a choice that could
change my whole life.

*That's* what made me lose it.

So I held him down until he finally gave up struggling and said tiredly
"OK, you can get off me now, Mulder. I think you cracked my rib."

So I raised myself a little, just enough to let him turn over, and when he
turned over I lowered myself onto him again deliberately, then ran my hand
down his truncated arm and cupped my hand around the stump again. And his
eyes widened when he realised that my hard-on was back.

We just lay there like that for a while, looking at each other, until it
was clear that nothing that happened from this point forward could be
dismissed as the heat of the moment. And then he raised his hand, and
pulled my face down to him. And we kissed.

His arm wrapped tight around me, and he didn't loosen it even when we
rolled onto our sides and it was pinned between me and the ground. So I
tangled my legs with his and reached down and took both our cocks in my
hand, feeling him jerk and gasp at the touch, and when I looked at his
face he looked... frightened, eyes wide, face pale. He gave a guttural,
wordless sound when I started to stroke us together, and buried his face
in my neck, his breath hot and ragged against me as his cock thickened in
my grip and he gave a high, wild cry and we came, almost simultaneously,
over our chests and bellies.

He kept his face pressed there for long moments afterwards, until he
finally raised his head and looked at me, wariness seeping back into his
gaze.

"Mulder?" he said hoarsely, "What the hell just happened? Is this for
real?"

"Yes," I said then, and pulled his head back down on my shoulder. "Yes, I
think it is."