Admission IX - Recovering

By Aries

Rated NC-17 m/m sexual situations and some bad language

Summary: Alex just hasn't been the same since he returned from his
little stay with Justin Saint James. He must exorcise his demons
before his destructive behavior loses him everything that's ever
meant anything to him in his life. Namely Fox.

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Don't make me say it again. The
thought alone that these beautiful, beautiful boys don't belong to
me sickens me.

Super colossal thanks to Nic for beta. And thanks to Ori *and* Nic
for still enjoying this seemingly endless series. Have no fear
chickies, number ten is rolling around up there in my head...

Clyde is dedicated to and a little more than loosely based on
Merlin, my sweet, sometimes dopey but always fiercely devoted German
Shepherd whom I lost to cancer on May second of this year, just
three weeks before his tenth birthday.

While I love my other two Shepherds dearly, he'll always be first in
my heart.

Feedback: It's a good thing. You can reach me at  MMCUSN@aol.com
http://www.squidge.org/terma/aries/aries.htm
http://members.tripod.com/Joy_hs/Aries/Ariestitle.html

********************


We were all wounded in some domestic war
I found you to settle my score
You looked like father
You felt like mother
My mind told my heart
there is no other

And I gave you my soul
and every ounce of control
And I gave you my skin
and my original sin
And I gave you my pride and my side
Oh, my pride

Ain't that enough
I turned your dreams into lightning
Ain't that enough
I held the world back for you
Ain't that enough
I loved you past the point of dying
Ain't that enough of me for you

Enough of Me
by Melissa Etheridge


********************



Dear Alex,

I know I'm probably the last person in the world you'd ever expect
to hear from. I'm sure I'm the last person you'd *want* to hear
from, but it's been almost nine months since we were freed from
Justin, and I'm still having some problems. My doctor has suggested
that I write you this letter as a sort of therapy. I refused to do
it at first, but the nightmares and flashbacks are getting so bad,
Alex. I can't take it anymore.

You might laugh at this letter. You might want to track me down and
blow my head off. Or you might just tear this up and throw it away
without ever having read it. I have no control over what happens
once I mail this, but my doctor says that no matter what you do, it
will have been good for me to write out my feelings.

Alex, Doctor Peters has suggested that we meet. He knows everything
that happened, and he really thinks that the only way I'm going to
get past this is to confront you about with it and talk it all out.

I know you must think I've got one hell of a nerve asking you for
*anything*, but I'm trying hard here to take control of my life. I
don't *want* to be the scared, easily manipulated puppet that Justin
used and screwed up so badly, and settling things with you is an
important step in fixing that.

Please, could you maybe just find it in your heart to meet with me
once? We can do it on your time. Anywhere you want. My doctor has
agreed to fly out with me to any place you name. Please, Alex. I
hope to hear from you soon. I think it could benefit us both.

Sincerely, 
Matthew

********************

The late afternoon sun glistened on the hood of the black Porsche as
it rumbled into the driveway and slipped into its spot beside its
garage mate. The tall, darkly dressed man exited the car and,
pulling his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose, walked over to
the Ford and placed his hand on the hood. Cool metal met his
fingers, indicating that his lover had been home for a while. He
prowled into the house and was immediately pounced on by ninety plus
pounds of howling, wagging German Shepherd.

"Oh, *God*." Alex fought to remain balanced as the dog leapt all
over him. "Yeah...hi, Clyde. For Christ's sake, I've only been gone
three days!"

"He's almost two years old," the amused monotone drifted from the
doorway of the kitchen. "When *do* you think he'll be past the
dopey, puppy stage?"

Alex finally managed to get the dog off of him and walked over to
the smirking man. "I keep telling you, male Shepherds don't fully
mature till they're about three." He stopped only when their bodies
were lightly touching and leaned in for a long, tender kiss. "Missed
you," he whispered when they finally parted.

Fox wound one arm around his returned lover and plucked the
sunglasses from his face with his free hand. "I missed you too," he
murmured, now able to look into his lover's eyes. "Sorry about the
way we left things."

"Me too," Alex murmured, running his hands up and down Fox's back.

"Mission accomplished?"

"I think so." Alex held Fox to him, kissing a moist path up the side
of his neck. "These new friends of Smokey's..." He shook his head
and smiled, "..what a bunch of clowns. I waltzed right in there,
found what I was looking for, and waltzed right out. I can't believe
how lax security is around there."

"Are you sure it was that easy," Fox asked, knowing that he was
probably looking for trouble, "or did they just *let* you blow
through?"

"No," Alex answered emphatically, lifting his head to look at the
other man. "It was just that easy."

Fox nodded, giving Alex a tiny smile.

"What are you thinking?"

Fox lowered his head and considered his answer to the question.

More and more lately, he had become concerned about the way Alex had
been throwing himself into these Consortium-related projects of his.
He used to be a patient man. Never made a move before he was
absolutely sure of what it was he was doing and why. He would have
everything worked out down to the most minute detail. He knew what
time each member would be at the offices, where they would be when
they weren't there, and if need be, what time any one of them used
the can. But recently, Fox saw him making moves before he had all
his information secured, and he was worried. It was as if Alex was
trying to prove something, and Fox had a pretty good idea what that
something was.

Alex had recovered fairly well from his encounter with Justin Saint
James, but not completely. The nightmares still haunted him from
time to time, and though he seemed happy and normal enough to any
outsider, there was this little something about him...a fear he kept
tightly locked away, but Fox, the only person in the world who could
see straight through to his soul, knew it was there.

Alex was deathly afraid he'd lost his edge.

Not such a horrible thing for anyone but Alex Krycek. His sharply
honed instincts and astounding audacity were as much a part of him
as the organs that kept him alive, and he depended on them to keep
them both safe. The thought that he might one day fail Fox when his
lover's life might depend on him was far more than he could accept,
and so, to prove to himself that he was still the man he was, he
would go out and put himself in more danger than he needed to,
almost daring someone to confront him.

Fox had begun to take notice several months ago, and when he called
Alex on it one day, Alex denied it vehemently. Fox continued to push
the issue, and all hell broke loose. They fought bitterly for hours,
gave each other the silent treatment for several more, and then it
was Fox who finally put an end to the standoff with an apology and a
declaration of his deep love for the younger man.

Knowing that Fox was simply concerned, Alex accepted the apology,
issued one of his own, and they ended the night in each other's
arms, making love until dawn.

Nothing had changed, however. Alex continued his nerve-wracking
behavior, and Fox continued to worry, though in the interest of
peace, he usually did so in silence.

It was starting to wear on him, though, and he just knew that
sometime soon, they were going to have to have it out again. Only
this time, Fox would not give in. He couldn't. Not if they were both
to remain sane and alive.

"Fox."

The older man looked up into suspicious, green eyes. "Baby, we have
to talk."

Alex let go of his lover and brushed past him. "What about?"

"You know what about."

The younger man walked over to the table and began sorting through
the mail. "We're not going to do this again, are we?"

"Alex...can you understand that I'm worried? I love you, baby, and I
can't stand to see you like this."

"Like what?" Alex snapped. "You making me out to be some kind of
basket case?"

"No, of course not. It's just..you know, maybe we *should* have
listened to Scully when she suggested that you see someone."

Alex discarded the envelopes one by one, slamming them down onto the
table. "I'm not nuts."

Fox raised both hands to his face and sighed into them. "I didn't
say you were. You're completely sane. You're just..you're not
dealing with what happened as well as we thought..."

Alex turned the last envelope over, a slight frown creasing his
brow. "Oh, no?"

"No."

"I think I'm dealing with it just fine, thank you."

Fox stood, quietly banging the back of his head against the door
while Alex opened up the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of
lined paper. The look that crossed the younger man's face had Fox at
his side in an instant, forgetting about the fight they had just
narrowly avoided.

"Alex? Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

Except for the barely perceptible quivering of his lower lip, Alex
stood stone-still, gaping at the letter.

"Alex..."

Receiving no response, Fox gently took the letter from his lover's
grasp and quickly scanned it.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me."

Alex closed his eyes and took a deep, stuttering breath.

Fox pulled out a chair and carefully lowered the shaken man into it.
"Alex?" He stroked the sable head. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Throw it away," Alex rasped then turned glazed eyes up to the other
man.

"Alex..."

"I'm all right, just throw it away!"

Fox took one look into the wild, dilated eyes and decided it would
be best to just do as he asked. He dropped the letter and envelope
into the small trash barrel and returned to Alex. "Okay?" he asked,
drawing a hand back and forth across the younger man's shoulders.

Alex sat silently for a while, head down, eyes darting back and
forth, then Fox felt him physically force himself up and out of the
chair.

"Clyde, you wanna go for a walk?"

The dog leapt to his feet and trotted over to where his leash was
kept.

"I'm okay," Alex said less than reassuringly. "I'll take Clyde for a
walk, and I'll be fine." The dog approached, carrying his leash, and
Alex took it out of his mouth, snapping it onto his collar. "I'll be
back in a little while."

Silently, Fox watched Alex leave with the dog, his mind and heart
racing. A few seconds later, he turned and retrieved the letter from
the trash, reading it over and over again as he sat down at the
kitchen table.

"Why now?" he whispered, tapping his fingers on the wooden surface.
"Shit. Why ever?"

********************

Alex walked along in silence, listening to the familiar sounds of
the neighborhood settling down for the evening. Clyde matched his
pace, eyes and ears always alert, taking notice of every sound or
movement around them.

The two crossed the street and headed for the park where Alex let
the dog off his lead and found a stick big enough for a game of
fetch. Clyde immediately began to yap at his master, insisting that
he hurry up and begin the game.

Looking around to make sure that no one was in Clyde's path, Alex
threw the stick as hard as he could, and the dog streaked after it.
As Clyde retrieved the stick, Alex stood quietly, thinking about the
events of the last hour.

Hell of a homecoming.

First, the tension between him and Fox, and then that fucking letter
from Matthew.

Matthew. What the hell did he want? Alex was sure he'd made it clear
the day they left the hospital that he wanted no further contact
with the young man. And now, here he was, writing him a
letter...asking if they could *meet*.

//He's gotta be out of his fucking mind. Why the hell should I give
a shit what kind of problems he's having after what he did to
me...//

He tried to shake the images from his mind, but they would not
leave.

Justin Saint James's smiling face...hovering over him just before
that whip broke open the skin on his back...that sickeningly sweet
way he spoke...Matthew's mouth on him...draining him of more than a
little semen...

The sound of growling brought Alex shuddering out of his thoughts.
He looked down to find Clyde prancing around him, stick in his
mouth, ready to go again. He reached down to take the stick, and
Clyde decided to play tug of war, pulling and growling.

"Okay, Clyde, okay, that's enough. Aus."

The dog released the stick the instant the one word command was
given and began circling Alex, barking incessantly. He threw the
stick again and fell back into deep contemplation, his thoughts
again going to Fox. He grimaced, asking himself how he could treat
his lover the way he had.

Against some pretty staggering odds, Fox had found and rescued him
from the hell created by that bastard who had dared to take him from
their home. He'd killed for him, for Christ's sake. Never left his
side at the hospital...took him home, cooked for him, held and
comforted him even when Alex's nightmares had proven nearly fatal
for him ...loved and wanted him even after he'd found out what had
happened with Matthew...

Alex raised his hands to his face, groaning softly as Clyde
returned, circling him madly.

He had to go home. He had to wrap his arms around Fox, beg his
forgiveness and find some way to put Matthew's letter out of his
mind and keep it out.

He bent and wrestled the stick from the dog's mouth.

"Once more, Clyde, then we're outta here."

********************

Fox moved from the oven to the counter as the sound of the kitchen
door caught his ear. He felt the approach of his lover, and before
he could turn around, Alex's hands slid up over his shoulders,
massaging gently. The weight of the younger man's head rested
against the back of his neck, then he felt a soft whisper of a kiss
and a genuinely issued apology.

"I'm sorry, lisa. I didn't mean to..."

Fox turned, looking warily into repentant, green eyes. "I know." He
rested his hands against Alex's chest as the younger man pulled him
into his arms. "Not the best welcome home you've ever had."

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have reacted that way. To you, *or* to
that letter. It's not important. It means nothing. I'm fine; let's
just forget about it."

Fox lowered his head. "You keep telling me you're fine..."

"Because it's true."

"I don't think it is, Alex, or you wouldn't have reacted the way you
did. You wouldn't take some of the chances that you do."

Alex shook his head but said nothing.

Fox pitched forward until their foreheads rested against each other.
"Baby, a walk with Clyde isn't going to make it all go away."

No response.

"There's nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable, you know."

Alex pulled away suddenly. "There *is*, Fox. For *me* there is."

Somber, hazel eyes dropped their gaze down to the floor.

Alex returned and stood before the older man, gently rubbing his
upper arms. "Not with you, lisa. I didn't mean with you. You're the
only person in the world I've ever felt safe enough with to open
myself up completely..."

"But you *don't* anymore."

"Sure I do..."

Fox lifted his head. "You don't. If you did, you'd talk to me about
this."

"There's nothing to talk *about*."

"There *is*. There's stuff going on inside of you that you refuse to
let me see. Why?"

"Fox, how many times do I have to tell you..."

"You can tell me a million times," Fox interrupted, "and I won't
believe it. I know you better than that. I hate that I let this go
on this long. I hate that I backed down every time I tried to bring
it up and you got mad. I wasn't doing you any good, doing that."

"You're not doing me any good right *now*," Alex snapped, whirling
around and stalking across the room.

"What the hell are you afraid of?" Fox shouted, anger finally
getting the better of him.

"*Nothing*! I'm not afraid of a goddamn, fucking thing!"

//Come now, Alexei, there must be *something*...//

Back to Fox, Alex squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth,
willing the voice away.

"And you're trying damn hard to prove it, aren't you? Would it help
any if I told you that you're still the most contentious, nastiest
bad-ass this side of the Atlantic? Or is my word not good enough? Do
you have to kill a few dozen people just to be sure?"

Alex turned around and glared silently from the other side of the
room.

Fox bent at the waist, taking in a deep breath, then straightened up
and let it out. The combative glint in his eyes diminished, and when
he spoke again, it was in a soft, coaxing tone.

"Alex, please talk to me. And I don't mean all this yelling and
fighting. Sit down and talk to me about this unfounded fear of yours
that you're getting weak. Tell me about what went through your mind
when you read this..." Fox reached into his back pocket and pulled
out a folded piece of paper.

Alex's eyes narrowed on the letter then focused on the other man's
face. "What are you doing with that?"

"We need to talk about it."

"No, we don't!"

"Baby, please..."

Alex spun around, fingers clenched in his hair. "Jesus *Christ*,
Fox, why do you have to take every fucking thing apart and analyze
it piece by piece? It's a *letter*! From someone I'd sooner kill
than look at. What do you find there to talk about?" His eyes grew
wide as he studied his lover's face. "Oh....oh....you don't think I
should actually talk to this asshole, do you?"

"I think you should talk to *me*," Fox said softly.

Alex nodded. "About talking to *him*. Way to rub salt in the wounds,
Fox."

"Is that what you think I want to do?" Fox asked, not wanting to
believe what Alex had just said.

The younger man's silent stare provided no comfort.

"Good. That's...that's good. Thanks for your trust, Alex, it really
means so fucking much to me."

Fox turned and quietly left the room, leaving Alex in resounding
silence. He leaned back against the wall and covered his face with
both hands, groaning softly.

//Did it again, didn't you? Nice going. Go apologize, stupid.//

//Yeah, like he'd accept it. You said you were sorry ten minutes
ago, and then you turn around and do *this* shit.//

Alex lowered his hands and walked over to the table. He picked the
letter up from the spot where Fox had dropped it before he left the
room and began to re-read it. Halfway through, he stopped, inhaling
deeply to keep his body from trembling.

//Matthew would like to say hello to you, Alexei.//

"Stop," he whispered harshly, trying to force the unwelcome thoughts
away. He dropped the letter and closed his eyes, talking to the
demons that still lurked in the corners of his mind.

//He wasn't really that bad, was he? Remember what it was like to
feel his mouth around you? Sucking every shred of control...your
very essence from your body...//

//*No*. He took *nothing* from me. And neither did you. I won't let
you fuck up my life. You won't beat me.//

A bit more composed, Alex opened his eyes and walked into the living
room where Fox had just come in from the hall. He heard the metallic
jingle of keys and asked the older man where he was going.

"Office," Fox answered flatly.

"Now?"

"Got some things to do."

"You just don't want to be around me," Alex countered, sadness
tingeing his voice.

Fox stopped and looked at the younger man for a few seconds before
answering.

"It's not that I don't want to," he said softly. "I...I can't." He
opened the closet door and removed his jacket then moved to the
front door. "Don't wait up," he said without looking back, and left
the house.

Alex considered going after him, begging him to come back into the
house, but what right did he have? Not once but twice in the same
afternoon he'd turned on the only person he could truly trust, and
Fox had every right to be pissed at him. But he couldn't...he just
couldn't let himself  accept what Fox was suggesting. Acceptance
meant admission, and he'd never admit that he'd even for a second
been made to feel fear. Fear denoted weakness, and he could never be
that. Fox neither needed nor did he deserve a weak man, and the only
way Alex could stay strong was to deal with this the way he had
been. He had to make Fox understand that...and somehow manage to
keep their relationship intact.

He walked back into the kitchen and, tearing up the letter, tossed
it back into the trash. Then he set about completing the meal that
Fox had started and abandoned.

********************

"Mulder, what are you doing here?"

Fox cocked his head, eyeing his partner as she stood in the doorway.
"What are *you* doing here?"

"I forgot some forensics reports that I really wanted to get out of
the way this weekend. Now, why the hell aren't you at home, doing
whatever it is that you and Alex do on the weekends? Is he still
away?"

"No, actually, he got back today," Fox answered softly.

The redhead entered and dropped into the chair in from of her
partner's desk. "Okay...Alex just got home, and you're here at work.
Now I *know* something is up."

"Had some work to do."

Scully cast a doubtful gaze on the man. "Work. Right. Sure. Mulder,
what's going on?"

Fox's eyes dropped to his desk, and he rocked slowly in his chair.
"We had a fight."

"Again?"

No answer.

"Taking unnecessary chances again?"

"I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to bet on it." Fox emitted a
long sigh. "He refuses to see what he's doing."

"You have to find a way to *make* him understand, Mulder, or it's
only going to get worse."

"It already has."

Scully raised one eyebrow and waited.

"He got a letter, today...really freaked him out, though he will
*not* admit to it."

"Who was the letter from?"

"You remember Matthew?"

"...That kid from last year?"

"Yeah."

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was."

"What did he have to say?"

"He's apparently under an analyst's care, and his doctor thinks that
in order to purge his demons, he needs to confront Alex."

Scully lowered her head. "Oh, God. Let me guess. Alex wasn't exactly
thrilled about that."

"Like I said, he freaked. His face went pale...he started to shake.
I had to sit him down. He made me throw the letter away, and then
all of a sudden, he jumped up and decided he was going to take Clyde
for a walk. When he came back, he tried to make me believe that a
walk to clear his head was all he'd needed and that he was fine. I
told him I wasn't buying it, we got into it, he blew up and said
some stuff I'm sure he's regretting about now, and I left." Fox
buried his face in his hands. "I should've listened to you last
year. It would have been so much easier to get him into therapy back
then, before he had a chance to convince himself that he didn't need
it."

"Well, Mulder, you never did like doing things the easy way."

Fox let the observation pass. "You know, I don't think that it's an
altogether bad idea for him to meet with Matthew."

Scully paused then answered. "Neither do I. Matthew isn't the only
one who needs a little cleansing."

"I don't...Scully, I don't know how I'd ever get him to agree to it.
He insists he's just fine, and I'm making way too much of this."

"Wish I had some advice for you, Mulder, but if *you* can't find a
way to deal with him, you know I sure as hell can't."

Fox nodded. "I know." He looked sullenly down at his folded hands.
"I feel so damn helpless. He's hurting, I know he is, and he won't
tell me. He won't tell *himself*."

"Well, Mulder, it's not helping either one of you for you to be
hanging around here being miserable while he's home being
miserable." Scully gave her partner an encouraging smile. "Go on. Go
back to him. You know you want to."

Fox nodded. "Yeah, I do. I never should have left in the first
place, but I was so damned frustrated."

"Well, it's time to go home now. Kiss and make up."

"It's not that easy."

"Did I say, kiss and solve all your problems?" Scully huffed. "*No*.
I said, kiss and make up. That's step one in getting your problems
solved. Now, let's go. *Out*."

Sculled picked up her files, herded Fox out of the office, and five
minutes later he was on his way home.

********************

Alex flipped blindly through channel after channel then gave up and
shut the t.v. off, plunging the house into silence. He slouched down
against the pillows and closed his eyes, but minutes later, they
drifted open and glanced over at the alarm clock.

Nine-eighteen, and he was in bed already. He never turned in this
early unless Fox was with him, and they had plans that had nothing
to do with sleep.

From his corner of the bedroom, Clyde picked his head up and began
to whine softly. Seconds later, Alex heard the soft hum of the
garage door. Clyde got up and trotted from the room to greet Fox,
and Alex settled himself on his side, pulling one pillow under his
head.

So Fox didn't come home nearly as late as he'd implied.

As Alex speculated on the reasons, Fox moved into the room, unable
to see in the darkness that the other man's eyes were open.

Alex watched the outline of his lover as he stopped momentarily then
moved on toward the bathroom. He closed his eyes as the light went
on and kept them shut until he heard the door close long seconds
later. He couldn't see, but he knew without a doubt that Fox had
been standing in the doorway watching him.

//You'd better talk to him when he gets into bed. Don't you dare lie
here pretending to be asleep...//

The door opened, and Fox crept back into the bedroom, moving
cautiously toward the bed. Slowly, he drew the sheet and light
blanket back and slid in next to Alex. His cock twitched at the
warmth of his lover's naked body so close to his own, but he took a
deep breath and stamped down the rush of desire that threatened to
overtake him. His head turned to the side, and he gazed at the dark,
motionless outline of his lover.

//What is he doing asleep at nine-thirty?//

Fox sighed softly, contemplating waking the younger man. He couldn't
stand the thought of going to sleep with things the way they were
between them, but before he could make a definite decision, he felt
soft brush of a hand down his arm.

"Did I wake you?"

"No."

The soft, husky answer flowed across Fox's nerves like warm honey,
and he gravitated toward the younger man, reaching out to touch his
face.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have walked out like that."

Alex turned his face into the touch, kissing his lover's palm. "I
shouldn't have given you reason to leave. I know you'd never do
anything to hurt me."

"Can we talk about it?" Fox asked hopefully. "I mean really
talk...without fighting or feeling the need to be defensive."

Silence.

"I love you, Alexei. I want you to be okay."

"I *am* okay..."

Fox turned to his left, turning on the lamp on his side of the bed,
and looked down into his lover's eyes. "If you're okay, then why
were you shaking so badly when you read Matthew's letter?" he asked
gently.

"I...I don't know," Alex answered vaguely. "It just took me by
surprise, I guess."

"I don't doubt that it took you by surprise. God knows it shocked
me, but...there's a lot more to it than that. I can see it all over
your face. You may be good at masking your emotions when it comes to
everyone else, but you can't hide from me."

"I'm not trying to hide," Alex insisted in a somewhat whiny whisper.
"I'm just dealing with things the best way I know how."

"So, you admit that there *are* things to be dealt with."

"I j...I only meant that the letter...throwing it away and
forgetting it is the best way for me to handle it."

"I don't think it is," Fox countered as gently as he could. "Baby,
I've seen you do some things you never would have done before last
year, and I think it's got everything to do with what happened to
you..."

Alex shook his head, shifting and draping himself halfway over Fox's
chest and tucking his head beneath the older man's chin.

Fox wrapped his arms around Alex, stroking his back and continued.
"I...I think I know why you're behaving the way you are, but..."

Alex nuzzled his lover's stubbled chin then dropped a line of soft
kisses down the column of his throat.

"...but I'd like for you to tell me. I need you to..."

"Tell me what you need," Alex murmured as he traveled down Fox's
chest, pausing to tease one already hardened nipple.

"Mmm...damn...Alex, come on..."

Alex released a breathy moan and sucked the brown peak into his
mouth, flicking his tongue back and forth across the tip.

"We have to..." Fox struggled to remain focused, but the tiny
vibrations that had begun to swirl through him quickly fragmented
his thoughts and doomed all good intentions.

Alex moved on to the other nipple, not wishing to neglect it, and
smiled as Fox began to squirm beneath him. He closed his teeth
gently around the aroused nub and pulled, drawing a soft gasp from
the other man, then let one hand slip beneath the blanket, creeping
down over his belly and into the crisp thatch of dark hair.

Fox lifted his hips from the mattress, silently begging for Alex to
touch his cock, and as the younger man's fingers slid over the warm
column of flesh, he shuddered, whispering his lover's name.

Alex released the sensitized nipple from his mouth and slid back up
over Fox's chest, licking and nipping patches of flesh along the
way. When they were face to face, he brushed his mouth over his
lover's then whispered against it, "I missed you." He lowered his
head, sealing their lips together in a long, tender kiss as he
slowly caressed the older man's cock, and by the time he pulled
away, Fox was in no condition for conversation.

"Make love to me, lisa," Alex begged, his voice overflowing with
need.

The words sent a fresh rush of tingling heat through Fox's body, and
the older man smoothly rolled his lover beneath him, letting Alex
bear his full weight. He again found his lover's lips, feeding
hungrily as he writhed against him, rubbing their erections
together.

Alex moaned frantically into Fox's mouth, pushing up against him,
seeking greater contact. He pulled away from his lover's mouth,
whispering soft, broken words of encouragement as his hands wandered
feverishly over Fox's back.

The younger man's incoherent ramblings barely registered in Fox's
head. Three days without Alex had been an eternity, and after that
fight they'd had, he felt the overwhelming need to prove his love.
He lowered his head, dropping a tiny kiss on the younger man's chin,
then drew his tongue across the rough surface, prompting a soft
moan. He moved lower, tickling and teasing Alex's throat, sucking
gently and leaving a pale reddish mark before moving on to his
chest. Warm, velvety smooth skin met his tongue, and though he'd
done this thousands of times, he never tired of the taste and feel
of his lover.

Alex's mouth fell open on a soft gasp as Fox's tongue flicked at the
tip of one rigid nipple then the other. He raised one hand to the
other man's head, restlessly combing his fingers through the
golden-brown silk as the other stroked over his shoulders. His cock,
wedged against Fox's abdomen, throbbed almost painfully, and he
thought that he might actually come if the pressure remained. But as
if reading his thoughts, Fox moved on, and the urgency subsided.

Trailing a number of light kisses over Alex's belly, Fox smiled at
the slight quiver of muscle. Knowing that Alex was a bit ticklish in
that area, he kept the touches brief, maintaining just enough
contact to tease.

Approaching the fine line of hair that ran from Alex's navel to his
groin, Fox's tongue inched out, following the trail, then skimming
through the patch of hair and dancing around the base of the younger
man's cock.

Alex's head rolled to one side, and a low moan escaped his lips as
Fox moved at an infuriatingly slow pace, enjoying the feel of him on
his tongue. Involuntarily, his hips began shift, thrusting
gently...silently asking for more.

Fox understood the plea as clearly as if it had been whispered into
his ear, and his mouth moved over the flushed head, tasting the
small pearl of fluid that glistened at the tip. His tongue gently
probed the tiny slit for more, then he closed his lips over the head
and applied a light suction, taking Alex in a little at a time.

Alex's back arched, lifting a few inches off of the bed, and he
moaned his pleasure. As difficult as it was, he maintained some
control, denying the urge to thrust into Fox's mouth. He lay
whimpering and allowed the older man full control, knowing that Fox
would not fail to bring him to a mind-numbing finish.

When Fox was damn good and ready.

Slowly, Fox slid down the length of his lover's erection, his tongue
playing over each new inch of flesh as it pushed past his lips. By
the time he reached the end of his journey, Alex had become
completely unraveled, gasping for each breath and pleading for
relief. In response, he began to suck at his mouthful, ever mindful
of his lover's increasingly precarious condition. His fingers played
over the heavy sac, caressing and measuring, then moved away,
dipping into his mouth briefly before wiggling into the crevice of
Alex's ass and finding the small, tight opening hidden within.

Alex's eyes squeezed shut as he sobbed his pleasure, encouraging the
older man to push first one finger into him, then two.
Automatically, his muscles contracted, clamping down on the welcome
intruders as Fox continued to deep throat him.

"Jeez...Jesus," he panted, "that mouth...right there, baby...moy
lisa..."

Fox worked his fingers in as deeply as they could go, stroking over
Alex's prostate, and a loud, mewling gasp broke from the younger
man's lips. His fingers curled in the sheets, tugging at the
material hard enough to pull it away from the mattress, and he cried
out for mercy.

"Please, oh, God, *please*. Can't...don't make me..."

Gently, Fox removed his fingers and pulled away from Alex's cock,
incurring a desperate protest

"Shhh." He slid up over Alex's chest and looked down into
passion-darkened eyes. "I won't make you wait." He reached into the
nightstand drawer and withdrew a tube of lubricant. Having gently
but efficiently applied it to his cock, he pulled Alex into
position.

Tender kisses rained down on Alex's face and shoulders, drowning him
in love as Fox filled him completely. He sucked in a long breath,
reveling in those first overwhelming sensations of possession, and
as the older man began to move, the initial shock melted into sweet,
languid warmth. Alex wrapped himself around his Fox, returning kiss
for kiss as he helped the older man maintain his lazy rhythm.

Fox pulled himself away from Alex's mouth to stare down into hazy
green eyes. He threaded the fingers of one hand through the sable
hair and lowered his head, letting his mouth graze the younger man's
cheek before whispering into his ear.

"You feel so good, baby. I don't want it to end."

Alex tightened his hold on the man above him. "Then, don't let it,"
he whispered back, though somewhat raggedly.

"But you said you couldn't wait."

Alex nodded, validating Fox's response, then looked up into gilded
eyes.

"Make me wait."

Fox came to a near stop and attempted to regulate his breathing,
moaning as Alex bathed his shoulder and the side of his neck. He
turned his head, coaxing his lover's mouth into another kiss as he
increased his speed by a mere fraction. His tongue slipped into
Alex's open mouth, caressing the moist interior as it searched for
its mate.

Alex tightened his muscles as Fox withdrew, increasing his lover's
pleasure as his tongue swept over the other, stroking and tasting.
Fox came to a near halt again, trembling with the effort it took to
regain his composure, and Alex lay still beneath him, not wanting to
push him over the edge. He stroked the older man's back as they
kissed endlessly, enjoying the feel of his lover so hard and deep
inside of him, and when Fox began again, it was at an even slower
pace than before.

The older man broke free of Alex's mouth, pulling himself up on his
hands, and looked down into his lover's face. "I love you," he
murmured, seeing the emotion mirrored in the magnificent emerald
eyes. His head fell back and his eyes dropped shut as he increased
his speed a bit more, letting the enhanced friction take him to that
place where he longed to stay...that sensual heaven where nothing
else existed but the man beneath him and the devastating sensations
that being inside him produced.

Alex watched Fox, his heart and cock pounding in unison at the
achingly beautiful expression on his lover's face. He needed
desperately to find relief, but not so much that he was willing to
sacrifice Fox's pleasure. Fighting back his own need, he forced
himself to relax and slowly caressed the older man's arms and
shoulders. "So beautiful," he whispered. "Take your time, baby. Take
all night..."

And he damn near did.

For hours to come, Fox kept himself and Alex quivering on the edge
of madness, and sometime just before dawn, he let them fall.

Gray light filtered in through the blinds, casting its pale
illumination on the two bodies writhing together. Fox buried his
face in the curve of his lover's shoulder, harsh grunts muffled by
the perspiration-dotted flesh as his hips rose and fell in a quickly
intensifying tempo. His hand, wrapped around his lover's aching cock
matched his hips stroke for stroke as Alex clung to him, sobbing
incoherently, switching from Russian to English and back again.

"God," Fox grated into Alex's shoulder before he lifted his head.
"C'mon, baby...." He stared down into his lover's glazed eyes. "It's
time...come on..." He shifted into a fierce rhythm, snarling as the
building heat flashed and engulfed him in a firestorm of sensation.

Immediately caught up in the blaze, Alex's head snapped back,
pushing into the pillows, and a long, feral scream ripped from his
throat as he shot a seemingly endless geyser of fluid over himself
and Fox's hand. He collapsed then, blackness surrounding him as Fox
sprawled over his body, frantically trying to drag some air into his
lungs.

//Can't move.//

Fox thought he had said the words aloud, but neither his mouth nor
his vocal chords had cooperated. Receiving no response from the
virtually unconscious man beneath him, he closed his eyes and let
sleep take him to meet his lover.

********************

Alex blinked in the bright sunlight and squinted at the clock.

Eleven-thirty.

God, he felt like he'd been out drinking all night. What the hell
did Fox do to him, anyway?

He turned his head and blinked a couple of times, trying to focus.
Although things were still a bit blurry after a few seconds, he
could see well enough to know that Fox was awake and staring at him.
He gave the other man a weary smile and reached across the brief
distance to touch the stubbled face.

"Morning," he croaked then grimaced and attempted to clear his
throat. "God, I'm hoarse."

"I'd be surprised if you weren't."

Alex frowned at the soft monotone. "Did I make that much noise?"

"Yeah, you did."

That same tone.

Alex forced himself to wake up and propped his head up in his hand.
"You okay, lisa?"

"Been better."

Concern seeped into Alex's tone. "What's wrong?"

"What was that all about last night?"

"What was what about?"

"You using sex to avoid talking."

Alex blinked rapidly, taken aback by Fox's statement. "You...you
*can't* think that I didn't want to..."

"Of course not. I know you well enough to know that you wanted it as
much as I did. But I also know you well enough to know when you're
trying to avoid something. You didn't want to talk, so you took
advantage of the fact that we hadn't been together in days, and of
my weakness for you. Of course, it wasn't until this morning that I
could think clearly enough to consider it."

Unable to refute Fox's claim, Alex lay quietly chewing on his lower
lip.

"You manipulated me, Alex."

The accused man lowered his eyes and said nothing.

Fox slipped his hand under Alex's chin and lifted his head. "If
you'll go to those kinds of extremes to evade this issue..." Fox
sighed softly, letting his thumb brush back and forth over his
lover's chin. "...baby, can't you see why I think it's a lot more
serious than you'll admit?"

"It's not," Alex responded softly, avoiding Fox's stare.

"Alex."

"What?"

"Look at me and say that."

Alex closed his eyes and turned away. "Jesus, Fox, why are you
pushing so hard on this?"

"Because I love you," Fox answered. "How many times do we have to go
through this?"

No answer.

"I'm just trying to head off trouble..."

"The only trouble," Alex argued, "is the trouble *you're* making.
I'm *fine*. *Damn*, I'm tired of saying that."

"Believe me, Alex, I'm just as tired of hearing it. But at the risk
of repeating ourselves just one more time, tell me again. And this
time, look me in the eye and say it."

Alex's head snapped around, and for one shocking moment Fox thought
that he might actually do it. He waited, silently praying that Alex
wouldn't be able to look right at him and lie.

Alex stared hard at the other man, willing himself to speak the
words, but they wouldn't come out. Finally, he flipped the blanket
back and spun to his feet.

"I don't know what the hell you want from me, Fox. I've given you
*everything*! My history, my secrets..." Alex plunged a hand into
his hair and moved a few steps away, then turned around. "...I've
given you all the love I know how to give...you've got my pride, my
life...I'd bleed myself *dry* for you. What else is there?"

Fox wasn't backing down. Not this time.

"I want the truth. I want your fear, and your hurt. It's part of
you, and I need it all. I need *all* of you."

Alex's breath caught in his throat, and he stood staring mutely at
the man on the bed. Then he spun around and stormed off in the
direction of the bathroom.

Fox jumped slightly at the sound of the slamming door then slumped
against the pillows, clutching his hands to his head and growling
his frustration.

//Well, at least he didn't lie to you.//

As he lay considering his next move, the bathroom door flew open and
Alex came out, pulling some clothes out of the closet. As he stepped
into his jeans and yanked them up, Fox watched warily from the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed."

"And then?"

"Going *out*."

Clyde's head popped up at hearing the words 'going out'. He leapt to
his feet and began to prance around Alex, whining.

"No, buddy, I can't take you with me right now." Alex looked up at
Fox, all gentleness gone from his tone. "He'll need to go out soon,
though."

"Where are you going that you can't take him with you?"

"Nowhere." Alex finished pulling on his boots and picked up his
t-shirt, drawing it down over his head and chest

"Alex..." Fox got out of bed and walked over to the younger man.
"Baby, don't go." He curved his hand around the back of Alex's neck.
"Please, I'm begging you. Stay and talk this out with me."

"I've talked enough about this bullshit to last me five lifetimes.
I'm sick to death of talking about it." Alex pulled away from Fox's
grasp and moved toward the door.

"*What* talking?" Fox asked, his voice rising again.

No response.

"What time will you be back?"

"I don't know." There was the slightest bit of hesitation as Alex
reached for the knob, then he opened the door and walked out.

Fox stood in the middle of the bedroom, listening as another door
closed, and then Alex's car started and roared out of the garage.
When quiet again fell on the house, he walked toward the bed and sat
heavily at the edge of the mattress. Clyde joined him, resting his
head on Fox's knee and whining softly.

"I don't know what the hell to do," Fox said to the dog as he
stroked the broad head. "I don't...I..." He dropped his head and
fell into silence.

********************

Alex drove, watching the early afternoon sun give way to depressing,
gray clouds.

Wonderful.

//The perfect addition to a fucking miserable day.//

He groaned softly as he thought back to the fight he'd had with Fox
just a few hours ago.

Another damn fight.

God, he knew that the man was stubborn when he thought he was right
about something, but why the hell couldn't he see that he was flat
out wrong about this?

"I'm *not* avoiding my problems, because I don't *have* any freakin'
problems."

Alex glanced into his rearview mirror and frowned. Out of nowhere it
seemed, two cars had appeared, quickly flanking him. He looked from
one car to the other, noting that there were two men in each, and
all four kept their eyes on the road.

"What the hell is this..."

They drove on for a distance, neither car pulling ahead or falling
behind, and after a few minutes, Alex reached under his jacket and
pulled his gun from the waistband of his pants, resting it on the
seat beside his thigh.

As he drove, he considered putting the gas pedal to the floor and
giving the assholes a run for their money, but those thoughts were
quickly squashed as another car pulled up behind him and another two
came into view in front of him.

"Son of a...okay, shitheads, let's see what the hell this is about."

He let the men pull him over and, tucking his gun back into his
pants, got out of the car. In seconds, he was surrounded by ten men.

"Okay, boys, what's up?"

"Someone would like a word with you," the spokesman answered.

"Yeah? Who?" As if he didn't know.

"Just come with us, please."

"Look, asshole, if you think I'm gonna leave my car here on the side
of the road and go *anywhere* with you..."

"We'll take care of your car."

Alex emitted a disdainful laugh. "Ain't a single one of you sitting
your nasty asses on my leather. I'll follow you."

"Can't do that."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Alex said softly, "so..."

One of the men standing behind him moved forward and grasped his
upper arm, trying to shove him forward, and the fight was on. Before
anyone could act to prevent it, Alex had drawn his gun and shot two
of the men in front of him. Frozen with shock, the man behind him
was next to fall. As the others attempted to rally from the surprise
attack, Alex spun around put a bullet point blank between his eyes.
Before he could turn again, he was grabbed, and, not without
tremendous difficulty, he was wrestled and beaten to the ground.

"You son of a bitch," the first man spat, leaning over him. "That
was my cousin."

Pain exploded in Alex's head as the butt of the man's gun came down
across his cheek. The coppery taste of his own blood filled his
mouth as the world spun and went hazy but not completely black.

"Get him up."

He was brutally jerked to his feet, and a voice he hadn't yet heard
wafted through the air.

"This wasn't part of the job, Jack."

"Yeah, neither was *that*." The man called Jack pointed to the three
bodies.

"He told us this guy was dangerous. That's why he sent so many of
us. I know Lenny was your cousin, but disobeying his orders can get
us dead just like him."

Jack glared at the other man, knowing he was right, but at that
precise moment, anger spoke just a little more loudly to him than
good sense. He walked up to the dazed man and drew his arm back,
plunging his fist into Alex's stomach, doubling him over. The two
men holding him pulled him back up, and Jack backhanded him, cutting
the other side of his face. Satisfied, he picked up Alex's gun,
turned around, and began walking.

"Get him in the fucking car and pick up the bodies."

"What about *his* car?" One of the other men asked.

Jack turned to face the group. "Much as I'd love to torch the
fucking thing, I guess we should take it to the motel. Jerome, sit
your nasty ass on the man's leather and drive, would you?"

********************

Three-thirty.

Fox turned away from the clock and continued his slow pace.

Not a sign of Alex.

It had only been a little more than four hours, but he had hoped
that maybe the younger man's anger would have subsided by now, and
he would come home.

He stalked back and forth across the living room floor, occasionally
stealing glances at the door as he thought about what it was he
would say to Alex when he got back.

//Okay...option one...apologize yet again, tell him how wrong you
were, and let him go on in this state of denial, taking greater and
stupider chances until he gets hurt or worse.//

He shook his head.

//No. Bad. Option two...hog tie him and don't let him go until he
agrees to listen to what it is you've got to say.//

He stopped pacing, letting his head fall back against his shoulders
and stared up at the ceiling.

//Oh, yeah, *that'll* work...Christ. Option three...when he gets
home, say nothing, cook him a nice dinner, seduce him like he did to
you, and when he's begging for you to get him off, threaten to leave
him hanging unless he listens to you.//

He dropped his head and groaned.

//No, that's only temporary. He'd agree to everything, then take it
all back afterward. You've got to *convince* him...make him *see*
the harm he's doing.//

"No shit," he whispered to himself. "But, how?"

Fox glanced once more at the clock and resumed his pacing.

********************

"What is this?"

"We uh...we had a little trouble."

The man fixed a watery stare on the others in the room, taking note
of their disheveled, bruised and battered conditions. "Apparently."
He returned his attention to the semi-conscious man on the bed. "But
he was not to be harmed."

"He killed three men. One of them was my *cousin*."

Gray smoke swirled toward the angry man. "That's unfortunate, but I
warned you of the risks involved. This man is far more dangerous
than in just the physical sense. He's supposed to have our
protection." The smoker nodded to the man who had arrived with him,
and in front of all present, his companion pulled a gun out of his
jacket and shot Jack once in the head. The remaining six men stared
in mute shock as, with a soft thump, he fell dead.

"Insubordination of any kind will not be tolerated. The rest of you
would do well do remember that. Now, leave us, and take Jack with
you."

Quickly, the other men removed the body, cleaned up, and left the
smoker alone with Alex.

The man walked into the bathroom, running a washcloth under cold
water, and returned. Sickly blue eyes watched as the younger man
groaned softly and flinched at the chilly touch of the terry cloth.

"Alex..." He sat down on the edge of the mattress and made a closer
inspection of the other's wounds as he tended to them. "Alex, can
you hear me?"

"Hmm."

"You're safe. You won't be harmed again."

Sable lashes fluttered and glazed, green eyes attempted to focus on
the wrinkled face above. "What," he whispered then went silent.

"Yes?"

"What the...fuck do you want?"

"Not this, I can assure you. The man who did this to you has been
punished."

"Yeah, I heard." Alex winced at the pain in his face. "But nobody
moves without your okay."

"This man did. My orders were for them to bring you here for a talk.
Nothing more. When we're through here, I'll see that you get home
safe and sound."

Home.

Alex closed his eyes and turned away. "What do you want?"

"I told you. I want to talk. Surely you know that you and Agent
Mulder are still watched. We can't protect you if we don't know
where you are and what you're doing..."

"Oh, of course."

"You've infiltrated my offices...procured some very sensitive
information. Fortunately, I've been able to act quickly enough to
head off any trouble regarding said information, so no real harm has
been done."

//Shit.//

"Congratulations."

"I'm very surprised, Alex." The man stubbed out his cigarette and
pulled another out of his pack. "Do you know how many times over you
could have been dead?"

Alex snatched the cloth from the gnarled hand as it moved again
toward his face. Pressing it to his cheek and grimacing, he said
nothing.

"I would attribute your negligence to age, but you're still a young
man. So," he paused to draw on his cigarette. "I must assume that
it's something else."

"Fuck you."

A rush of smoke rose into the air. "Are you having personal
problems?"

Silence.

"You know, Alex, if there's any chance that you and Agent Mulder
will be going your separate ways, the group would welcome you back.
Even at half capacity, you're more efficient than these incompetents
we have now." He shook his head and took another drag. "No one takes
pride in their work anymore..."

Avoiding the thinly veiled inquiry, Alex mumbled a question of his
own. "You know I'm working against you. Why would you want me back?"

The smoker shrugged. "I believe that with a little bargaining we
could strike up a mutually beneficial deal. You're an intelligent,
resourceful man, Alex. Now, if for some reason Agent Mulder can't
appreciate that..."

"Fox appreciates me just fine. Now, get the hell out of here and
leave me alone."

"You only killed three out of ten of the men I sent to escort you
here, Alex. *Something* has got you feeling out of sorts. I can help
you. And I will. Surely you have no doubt of that...not after I
tidied things up for you and Agent Mulder last year during your
ordeal."

"Just like he thought," Alex murmured to himself then glared at the
other man. "And now you're trying to collect on the favor?"

"No, not at all. You owe me nothing. Nor does Agent Mulder. I just
see a change in you, and I wouldn't be much of a businessman if I
didn't see if I could coax you back into the fold."

"You can't."

"Are sure about that?"

"Positive. Now, if you don't mind..."

The man put out his cigarette and automatically reached for another.
Instead of immediately lighting up, he paused, rolling the cigarette
between his fingers. "All right. I won't push. I know how you hate
to be pushed."

"Good. Now, go, and take all those morons with you."

"Alex, I can't leave you here in this condition. I must take
responsibility for what those in my employ did to you. I'll see you
home."

"*No*. Just leave me alone. I don't need your help."

"I'm not so sure of that. You keep holding your hand to your middle.
Did Jack break any ribs?"

"Just a little sore...where's my car?" Alex asked, just realizing
that he was driven to this motel. "Did those assholes do anything to
my car?"

The smoker shrugged. "I don't believe so. It's outside. It looked
fine when I drove up."

Alex closed his eyes. "Then I'll leave on my own. Go."

The old man nodded and made his way to the door. "Very well. Just do
yourself a favor and rest a while before you try to leave." He
opened the door and smiled down at the man on the bed. "My offer
stands, Alex. You know where to find me if you change your mind."

The door closed and Alex's head fell back against the pillow. He
groaned softly, finally giving in to his injuries.

"God," he whimpered almost inaudibly, wishing he was at home in
Fox's arms.

Fox.

Jesus, had he been right? That wrinkled bastard had known every time
he'd been to his offices and had just let him go. And now, this
morning. If he'd been at the top of his game, he'd never have let
those amateurs get their hands on him, and *none* of them would have
lived to tell about it.

But in admitting that Fox was right about him being careless, he'd
also have to admit the rest.

"No," he moaned as the ache in his body continually intensified.
"Can't...gotta be stronger than that. Can't let a dead man beat
me..."

********************

"Hello?"

"Jeez, Mulder, you sound anxious about something."

Fox sighed into the phone. "I was hoping you were Alex."

"Why," Scully asked, "where is he?"

"I don't know."

"God, not another fight."

"Yeah. It's a long story, but he got mad and took off late this
morning. I haven't heard from him since...wait...my cell phone is
ringing." Fox snatched the other phone off of the coffee table and
answered.

"Agent Mulder."

"What do you want?" he snapped, instantly recognizing the voice.

"Such a snippy attitude for someone who's talking to the only person
who can tell him where his wayward companion is."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm speaking of Alex, of course. There's been an incident."

Worry and anger combined, giving Fox's voice a desperate tone. "What
*kind* of incident? Where is he?"

"Mulder?" Scully called, only able to hear her partner's end of the
conversation. "Mulder, what's going on?"

"He's at the Capri Motel on Morton Road. Room eleven. You might want
to come out and get him, he's not in any shape to drive himself."

"What did you do to him, you son of a *bitch*?"

"I can assure you that I have done no harm to him. But rest assured,
the man who did will never hurt anyone again."

"Why should I believe you?"

"What reason do I have to lie? I've looked after you both in the
past; I'm simply continuing that trend."

"If there was something wrong, Alex would've call me himself."

"Would he?"

Fox went silent, asking himself that very question.

"You have his location, Agent Mulder. I'll keep an eye on him until
you get here...from a discreet distance, of course."

The line went dead, and Fox lifted the other phone to his ear.
"Scully, I need you to meet me at the Capri Motel on Morton Road.
Room eleven."

"Why, Mulder? What the hell's going on?"

"Alex is there. He may be hurt."

"All right, I'm on my way."

"Thanks." Fox disconnected, grabbed his weapon and his cell phone,
and sprinted out to the garage. Twenty five minutes later his car
screeched to a stop beside Alex's Porsche in the parking lot of the
Capri Motel.

Leaping from the Ford, Fox quickly found room eleven and opened the
unlocked door, weapon drawn just in case. Except for the figure on
the bed, the room appeared empty. Fox checked the bathroom and,
finding no one there, he hurried to the bed and sat down beside the
still man.

"Oh, God." Gently, Fox turned Alex's face to the light to inspect
the damage. The movement roused the younger man, and he groaned at
the pain it caused.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Fox whispered, petting his lover's head.

"Fox..."

"Yeah. Yeah, Alex, it's me."

Alex blinked and squinted up at the other man. Remembering his
condition, he turned his head away and closed his eyes.

"Baby, what happened?" Fox asked. "Who did this to you?"

"Doesn't matter. How did you know?"

"I got a call about half an hour ago."

"The smoker."

"Yeah. He said that whoever did this had been taken care of."

Alex nodded with some effort. "Fairy godfather strikes again."

Fox let out a heavy breath. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Ribs."

Fox gently lifted the other man's shirt to assess the damage.
"You're pretty bruised. Do you think any of them are broken?"

"Don't think so."

"Can you breathe all right?"

"Hurts, but, yeah. I can breathe all right."

"Oh, my God."

Fox turned at the sound of his partner's voice. "Thanks for getting
here so fast, Scully."

The woman advanced and sat down on the other side of the bed, gently
turning Alex's face to her. "You've got some pretty good swelling
going on here. Couple of cuts. It's gonna hurt a little, Alex, but I
have to touch you, okay?"

Alex closed his eyes and nodded.

As Scully checked his face, she asked questions. "Do you know what
you were hit with?"

Alex pointed to the lesser of the two injuries. "Just his hand,
but..." He pointed to the other side. "...caught the butt of his gun
on this side."

Fox flushed a deep crimson, and his eyes glittered a murderous
green. "This fucker had better be dead."

"He is," Alex said softly. "Cancerman had him killed right in front
of me."

"I think you might have a slight fracture on this side, but we'll
have to get you x-rayed to be sure," Scully announced. "Are you hurt
anywhere else?"

"His ribs," Fox answered for Alex, again pulling the younger man's
shirt up.

Scully prodded gently, apologizing when Alex flinched. "Again, we
gotta get x-rays, but I don't think you've got anything broken
here...did you say Cancerman?"

Alex nodded.

Scully looked at the other man. "That's who called you?"

"Yeah." Fox again reached out to stroke Alex's hair. "To tell me
where he was."

Alex's eyes drifted open, but he kept his gaze averted from his
lover's face, instead looking down at the mattress.

Fox watched Alex, noting the look on his face, and decided that now
wouldn't be a good time to press him for any answers. He worked one
arm under Alex's back and lifted gently. "Come on, babe," he
murmured to the other man. "Let's get out of here."

Alex allowed himself to be moved, wincing as little as possible as
he rose to his feet. Slowly, the three walked out into the lot and
moved toward Fox's vehicle. Alex looked toward the Porsche then at
Scully who happened to be in his direct line of sight.

"My car..."

"It'll be okay here for a little while longer," Fox assured him.

"Yeah, Alex, don't worry about it. I'll grab one of the Gunmen and
we'll come out and get it for you, okay?"

"Okay," Alex sighed, unhappy at the prospect of anyone but himself
or Fox driving his baby.

Once everyone was in their cars, they headed to the hospital,
silence hanging heavily in the compartment of Fox's car.

Alex sat quietly brooding, hand to his abdomen as the Ford moved
smoothly down the old road.

"Can you imagine driving road this in your car in your condition?"
Fox asked, finally breaking the silence. "You'd be suffering for
sure."

No reply.

"Are you all right?" the older man asked in a softer tone.

"Yeah," Alex answered, awaiting the questions that he thought would
surely follow. To his surprise, none did. Risking a quick glance
over at Fox, he frowned then leaned his head back against the
headrest and closed his eyes.

When they reached the hospital, they walked Alex into the emergency
room where he was checked out and taken to Radiology. While he was
being x-rayed, Fox and Scully sat together in the waiting room.

Tired of the silence, Scully began to speak.

"You wanna tell me what this latest fight was about, and what the
hell Alex was doing at a motel several miles from home...bruised and
possibly fractured?"

Fox sighed heavily. "I...I tried to talk to him last
night...again...he didn't want to talk, so he...diverted my
attention."

Scully shook her head. "What a sucker."

Fox ignored the dig. "So anyway, this morning, I called him on it,
we got into it *again*, and he blew his top and left. I had no idea
where he was until Cancerman called."

"Now, how did *he* get into this?"

"I don't know. And I *won't* know until I can talk to Alex...if
he'll speak to me. He didn't say two words the whole drive over."

"He talked to you in the motel room, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

Scully patted her partner's knee. "*Somebody* did a number on him,
Mulder. That's probably eating a hole straight through his gut.
Maybe he's just trying to sort it all out."

"I *told* him about this, just this morning," Fox said. "I *told*
him that he was going to get hurt or worse."

"You didn't give him the I told you so speech, did you?"

"No, of course not. I'm just grateful that he's okay...and *alive*.
I..."

"Mr. Mulder?"

Fox and Scully looked up to find the nurse smiling from the doorway
of the examining room.

"Mr. Krycek will be back down in a minute if you want to wait in
here."

Scully gave Fox an encouraging smile and waved him off toward the
room. Within just a couple of minutes of him entering, Alex was
brought back in, followed by the emergency room doctor.

"Well," he began, smiling at Fox. "As Dr. Scully had predicted,
there is a slight fracture in his cheekbone. It'll be sore and
bruised for a while, but it'll be all right. There were no broken
ribs, only severe bruising. He missed having to have stitches on
that cheek by only a few centimeters, but the cuts should heal up
fine. I'll give him some antibiotics to keep away infection, but
other than that, rest is what he needs."

"For how long?"

The doctor shrugged. "Two, three days should do it." He turned to
Alex. "You hear that? Take it easy. And no bar room brawls for at
least two weeks."

Fox looked from the doctor to Alex but said nothing.

Alex nodded and looked down at his folded hands.

The doctor released him, and the three left together, walking
through the afternoon drizzle over to Fox's car.

Fox opened the door for Alex who docilely sat in the passenger's
seat. He shut the door and looked to his partner who stood not more
than two feet away. "Thanks again, Scully."

"No problem. If you need me, just call."

"Okay."

Scully reached out, rubbing Fox's arm. "He'll be okay."

"Physically, yeah, I know. But what about the rest of it? I love him
so much, Scully, and I don't know what to do to help him."

"You can't *do* much else, Mulder. Just love him and stick by him.
It's up to him from there."

Fox bowed his head and nodded. "Well, let me get him out of here, so
he can ignore me in the comfort and privacy of our own home." He
handed his own key to the Porsche to Scully and thanked her.

Scully took the key, smiled and walked away, leaving Fox no choice
but to get into the car.

"You okay? he asked, the younger man as he pulled on his seatbelt.

Slight nod of the sable head.

"Okay, well, just relax, and we'll be home soon."

Alex sat quietly, contemplating the events of the day and the issues
that helped bring them about. He thought about Fox's failure to
discuss what had happened to him, and why that might be. He recalled
the look of fear and concern in his lover's eyes when he first
entered the room, and then the fury when Alex had explained what was
done to him.

And as much as he didn't want to do it, he began thinking again
about Justin Saint James and the torments inflicted on him. He
recalled the nightmares afterward and the terrible results of those
dreams. He thought about the nights spent awake, watching Fox sleep
and listening to the quiet, afraid of what he might not
hear...terrified that the things he could not see were out there
waiting for him to drop his guard. And he thought about Matthew's
letter and the effect he'd refused to admit that it had on him.

//I'm still here, Alexei.//

Alex opened his eyes and jerked his head up.

"Alex?" Fox called to his now shivering lover. "What's wrong?"

The younger man wrapped his arms around himself, huddling into his
jacket and said nothing.

"Baby, please tell me."

//Did you enjoy your day? It's been a while since you had a good
beating. Did it bring back pleasant memories of me?//

Alex covered his ears, whimpering softly.

"Take it easy, sweetheart. We're almost there."

Heart pounding frantically in his chest, Fox broke every speed limit
to get home. When he finally pulled into the garage, he quickly
exited the car and came around to open the passenger's side door.

"We're here, Alex." Fox reached in to gently touch the younger man's
head. "Come on, you need some rest."

//Yes, listen to the lovely Fox, Alexei. You're weak. You need
sleep. And once you've gone beddy bye, you and I can have fun like
we used to.//

"Nooo," Alex groaned miserably, rocking back and forth even though
the movement caused him considerable discomfort.

"Alex, please," Fox whispered hoarsely, tugging carefully on the
younger man's arm. "Come on inside. You'll feel better once you get
some sleep."

"No," Alex shook his head adamantly. "Can't...I can't."

//Well, of course you can. Come on now. Off to bed with you.//

Alex lifted his head and cast a wide-eyed glance around. "Shut up!"

Fox followed Alex's gaze. "Who are you talking to?"

Alex again lowered his head, breathing deeply. "Nobody."

"You look so scared."

"I'm not scared!" the younger man snapped, refusing to look at his
lover.

Fox shook his head. "All right, Alex. I'm sorry. Come on, let's go
into the house." He finally got Alex out of the car and led him
inside where they were immediately greeted by Clyde, whom Alex
passed by as though he wasn't there.

More concerned now than before, Fox led Alex into the bedroom and
laid him down. He removed the younger man's boots and top garments
then drew the blanket up over his chest.

"No." Alex struggled to sit up. "I don't want to sleep."

"You don't have to sleep if you don't want to," Fox soothed. "But
you'll be more comfortable if you're lying down."

"I don't *want* to lie down."

"You heard what the doctor said, Alex. You need to rest."

"I'm fine."

"Alex, please?"

Thankfully, Alex relented, and he eased the younger man into a
reclining position.

"Do you want anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?"

Alex shook his head.

Fox sat at the edge of the bed and covered the younger man's hand
with his own. After a few seconds of silence, he cleared his throat
and spoke up.

"Who...who did you hear in the garage?"

"...No one."

Fox let his head drop, feeling a scream forming in his throat, but
he maintained control. He took two deep breaths and let it go.

"Okay. All right. You stay here and rest, and I'll go get something
started for dinner in case you get hungry."

He rose from the bed and started toward the door but before he could
reach it, Alex's voice, tinged with restrained fright sounded.

"Fox..."

Fox looked to the man on the bed, and the expression he read in the
glassy, green eyes sent wave upon wave of pain slamming through him.
He moved back toward the bed and stared down at Alex, waiting.

Alex turned pleading eyes up to the other man but was unable to ask
Fox not to leave him alone.

"What is it, baby?"

//Please stay with me.//

"Nothing."

"You called to me."

Alex opened and closed his mouth twice as if he wanted to speak, but
ultimately remained silent. He shook his head and turned his face
away from his lover's worried gaze.

Without a word, Fox sat down on the bed. "Alex, please don't do
this," he murmured, lifting a hand to the younger man's head. "You
want to say something. I can see it all over your face."

Avoiding the older man's eyes, Alex shook his head and turned onto
the side that wasn't wounded.

Fox adjusted the blanket and let his hand rest on Alex's shoulder.
Through the light cotton he could feel the tremors running
consistently through the prone body. Hesitating for just a moment,
he swung his legs up onto the bed and lay on top of the blanket,
facing Alex. He wound an arm around his lover, pulling him close and
tenderly stroking his back. The relieved sigh did not escape his
notice, and he pressed his lips to Alex's forehead.

"Close your eyes, baby. Try and sleep."

Alex melted into Fox's embrace, reveling in the warmth of his
lover's touch.

So gentle. So safe.

So he needed that security. So what? There was nothing wrong with
it. This was Fox, for Christ's sake, and there was nothing *wrong*
with needing his comfort.

No. There wasn't. Not usually, but not...he shouldn't need comfort
for this. *This* should not be having this kind of effect on him.
Fuck it, it shouldn't be having *any* kind of effect on him...

"You don't..."

Fox pulled back a bit and looked down at the younger man. "I don't
what?"

"...Have to stay."

The last three words of Alex's statement were so soft, Fox had to
strain to hear them. "Did that sound believable to you?" he asked
softly. "Didn't to me."

"I'm all right."

"That statement didn't sound any more credible than the last one.
Wanna try again?"

Alex fell into silence, the truth of his needs being conveyed
through his body's unrelenting tremors. Trying to con Fox was a
useless endeavor, and he knew it.

Fox once more pulled the younger man to him, enveloping him in
soothing warmth. Minutes later, he felt Alex's fingers slide up to
his chest and curl around the material of his shirt. He rested his
cheek on the top of the sable head and closed his eyes, thankful
that at least for now, all protests had come to an end.

A very long time later the shaking ceased, and the familiar sounds
of his lover asleep greeted Fox's ears. He dropped a kiss into the
soft hair and closed his own eyes.

********************

Rain.

Fox sighed contentedly and buried his face deeper into his pillow.

Up until a few years ago he hadn't much enjoyed the sound of rain
falling. It wasn't that he'd been scared by rainstorms as a child or
any such reason. He simply got no enjoyment out of them until he
learned to relax and really listen to the erratic but soothing
rhythm that the drops pounded out.

Alex taught him how.

And now, he loved the sound. Especially when they were in bed,
wrapped snugly in each other's arms...

Fox reached out, expecting to touch his lover, but his hand felt
nothing but cool sheet. All at once he was awake, blinking, trying
to focus in the near-darkness.

"Alex?"

Silence.

//God, where is he?//

Fox leapt out of bed and performed a quick but thorough search of
the house. As he moved through the living room, he saw Clyde sitting
by the glass doors, staring intently out into the pouring rain. He
walked over to where the dog was sitting and peered into the yard.

He saw nothing but sheets of rain at first, then movement at the far
end of the yard caught his eye.

"What the...stay here, Clyde."

Fox threw the door open sprinted into the yard and toward his soaked
lover.

"Alex!"

The younger man staggered toward the north side of the yard, having
given no indication that he'd heard Fox calling to him. His eyes
blindly searched through the downpour, looking for intruders that
weren't there.

Fox finally caught up with Alex and grabbed at his drenched shirt.
He released him immediately as the disconcerted man whirled around
and pointed his gun at him.

"Baby," Fox called as softly as the downpour would let him. "It's
me..."

Alex blinked, focusing on the obscured figure and recognizing it as
that of his lover. The weapon fell from his loosened grip, and he
stood staring at Fox, trembling violently.

Fox quickly stooped and picked up the gun, shoving it into the
waistband of his jeans, and wrapped the stricken man in his arms.

"I heard s-something," Alex stuttered, clinging to Fox's soaked
shirt. "Someone...someone was out here."

"I don't see anything," Fox assured Alex as he looked around the
yard. "Come on, you're soaked. Let's go back inside." He maneuvered
the younger man toward the house and into the bathroom where he
began peeling off his waterlogged clothing.

"It was him," Alex whispered, his teeth chattering. "He made me go
out there, and I almost shot you...again..."

Once he'd completely stripped Alex, Fox dried then wrapped a towel
around him and gently sat him on the downturned toilet lid. He then
removed his own clothing, dried off, and put the gun away, then he
returned to his lover.

"Baby?" Fox called softly, brushing a few damp strands of hair out
of Alex's eyes. "Who were you talking about? Who made you go
outside?"

Distressed green eyes looked up, remaining focused on Fox for only a
matter of seconds before skipping away.

"Alex...Alex, please. I'm begging you." A heavy mist coated Fox's
eyes. "*Please* talk to me. Let me help you."

Alex kept his gaze to the space between them. "J....Justin
Saint...Saint James."

Fox closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, he
gently pulled Alex to his feet and led him into the bedroom. When he
had the younger man tucked back into bed, he responded to the
admission.

"You dreamt about him?"

Alex nodded slowly. "And he talks to me."

Fox's eyebrows drew down into a heavy frown. "How long has this been
going on?"

"Off and on since last year. But s...since that letter came...I hear
him almost every day. I don't want to. I want him to shut the hell
up and leave me alone."

Fox leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on Alex's forehead. "You
need to confront him."

"But..." Alex sighed in confusion. "...he's *dead*. God, a dead man
is talking to me."

"Matthew isn't. Settle it with him, and maybe you'll settle it with
Saint James."

Alex's brow creased. "But I don't want to see him. I don't want to
have to look at him."

"I know you don't. And I wouldn't ask you to if I thought it would
do no good. I love you Alex, and I'd rather die than see you hurt."

Alex closed his eyes and lowered his head. How could he ever have
believed otherwise?

"I...I'm afraid." He drew a shaky breath and looked up as Fox
touched his face.

"Tell me."

"After those really bad first few weeks, I..I started to feel
better. I felt strong for a while. I felt like myself when you were
with me, but when I was alone, it was like my mind turned against
me. I couldn't control the flashbacks, I couldn't...the nightmares
came with a lot less frequency, but when they did come, I'd wake up
terrified. I tried not to let you see..."

"I know," Fox whispered. "But I told you before, Alex, you can't
hide from me."

Alex nodded and continued. "I felt so out of control and at times,
helpless. I hate that feeling. I was...I *am* afraid of it. I have
to be...I have to be on top of things. Can't be weak..."

"Baby, it's impossible to be rock solid all the time. You don't
*have* to be."

"I do," Alex protested softly.

"Why?"

The younger man shook his head, struggling for a coherent answer. "I
couldn't live with myself if I let you down."

"Let me *down*...Alex, what makes you think...God." Fox lay down
beside the younger man, pulling him into his arms. "Baby, we're
supposed to take care of each *other*. There's nothing wrong with
you feeling weak or out of control. I'm here, and I'll catch you if
you fall."

Alex dropped his gaze. "You don't need to have an emotional wreck on
your hands."

"And how many times have *I* been wrecked? You held me up, Alex. You
gave me all the love and strength I needed, and you never ran dry."
Fox slipped a hand under Alex's chin and lifted his head. "I can do
the same for you. I *want* to. And it hurts that you won't let me."

"I know I've hurt you plenty in the last few days," Alex murmured,
the pain clear in his voice. "I...I didn't mean to. I love you,
lisa, and it kills me to think about how I've treated you..."

Fox hugged the distraught man to his chest, gently shushing him.
"It's all right. What happened to you was horrific. You've done
amazingly well, all things considered."

"How can you say that? I've taken stupid chances, treated you like
shit...I hear dead people talking to me...sounds pretty loony to
me."

"You're not loony," Fox argued softly, petting his lover's hair.
"But you're not well, either. And it's not your fault." He leaned
back and placed a tiny kiss on the tip of Alex's nose. "You've
fought these demons of yours for almost a year now, and it's wearing
on you. Please, baby...stop trying to do it all alone. Stop trying
to prove to me, you, and everyone else how tough you are." Fox
cupped the younger man's cheek, letting his thumb brush back and
forth across the stubbled surface. "Give me all the bad stuff you've
been lugging around for so long."

"It's a lot bad stuff," Alex answered just above a whisper.

"I don't care. Dump it all on me; that's what I'm here for." Fox
moved in, covering the younger man's mouth in a tender kiss. "Let me
carry you."

Alex leaned into Fox's embrace, tucking his head under the older
man's chin, and for the first time in several months, he let go of
the pain he'd held so tightly to.

Fox tightened his arms around his lover as his body began to shudder
and muffled sobs broke past his lips. "Let go of it," he whispered
into Alex's hair. "I got you..."

The muffled sobs turned to louder, heart-wrenching wails and
continued without cessation for nearly twenty minutes.

Fox let Alex cry himself to exhaustion, shedding his own silent
tears, and when the other man was through, he held him quietly,
unsure of whether or not he was asleep. When Alex shifted and took a
couple of shaky breaths, Fox pulled back and looked down into
severely bloodshot eyes. He gave the younger man a sweet,
sympathetic smile.

"Your nose is running."

He reached over to the nightstand and plucked a couple of tissues
from the box, folding them in half and holding them to Alex's nose.

"Blow."

The absurdity of the moment brought a tiny smile to Alex's lips as
he obeyed the soft command.

Fox discarded the tissue and turned back to face the other man. "How
do you feel?" he asked, brushing some residual moisture from the
sable lashes.

"Worn out," Alex croaked.

"But a little better maybe?"

"Yeah, I guess." Alex closed his eyes, letting the steady beat of
his lover's heart lull him and provide the strength he needed to do
what he had to do. "I uh...I guess we should talk about that
letter."

Fox remained silent, waiting.

"I'm s...I'm sorry, lisa, I tore it into little pieces and threw it
away."

Fox kissed Alex's forehead. "Are you thinking about talking to him?"

"I still don't want to, but you're right. I should or it'll eat me
alive. But I destroyed the envelope with his address." Fox's
conspicuous silence made him look up into the older man's eyes. "You
memorized it, didn't you?"

Fox displayed a sheepish grin. "You know how information just sort
of sticks in my head."

Alex closed his eyes, attempting to hide the glimmer of
disappointment. "Yeah, I know."

"You okay?"

The thick curtain of lashes rose, and Alex fixed a determined if
bleary-eyed gaze on his lover. "Not entirely. But I will be."

"I think we may be turning a corner," Fox informed the younger man,
hugging him tightly.

"We're not gonna run smack into a brick wall, are we?" Alex asked
warily.

"Nooo. Everything's going to be fine. I'm not saying that it'll be
easy, but it *will* turn out okay. Just remember to hang on to me."
Fox felt Alex's arms tighten around him as the younger man pressed
impossibly closer, and he smiled a contented smile. "Think you can
go to sleep now?"

Alex nodded, sighing softly. "I think so...I love you, Fox."

Fox's smile grew brighter. "I love you, sweetheart."

A few minutes passed in silence, and Fox thought Alex might have
fallen asleep, but the younger man shifted and lifted his head.

"What'd you do with my gun?"

"I put it back where it belongs."

"Get it out of there, Fox."

"Hmm?"

"Hide it. Lock it up someplace, and don't tell me where it is."

"Why?"

"I've almost shot you twice because of this shit. I think it's a
good idea if you took my gun...at least until we're sure I'm
completely over this."

Fox kissed the younger man's head. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"All right, babe."

"Now, okay?"

Fox hesitated, hating to commit the act of distrust, but Alex
insisted again, and he slid out of bed and did as the younger man
asked. When he'd hidden the weapon away, he returned to his lover,
wrapping him securely in his arms.

"Feel better?"

"Knowing I can't blow your head off in my sleep? Yeah, I feel a
little better."

"You wouldn't do that."

"We don't know that for sure, and I'd really rather not find out."

Fox scattered a number of kisses in the damp, sable hair and hugged
Alex to him. "Okay, babe. You don't have to worry about it now."

"Yeah. Now I can worry about other stuff."

"It's going to be fine," Fox whispered, petting his lover's hair. "I
promise."

Alex fell asleep not long after all conversation ended, and Fox lay
holding the younger man in a protective embrace, staring into the
darkness and thinking about what lay ahead.

********************

All right, you little asshole,

As much as the thought of looking at your face again sickens me, I'm
going to agree to a meeting. I don't give a rat's ass about your
problems; this is solely for my own benefit.

Call the number given below and leave a number where you can be
reached...

Fox walked into the room, sucking on a banana popsicle and looked
over Alex's shoulder to see what he was typing.

"I put the car away..."

Alex nodded, not looking up from the monitor.

"Found the key. Scully left it in the mailbox...uh...babe?"

Alex pounded at the keyboard, still not looking away. "Yeah?"

"Don't you think that's a little too..."

Alex stopped typing and spun around, startling Fox into taking a
couple of steps back.

"What? Too long? I'm trying to make it as short as possible."

"Well..." Fox scratched the back of his head with his free hand.
"...yeah, brief and to the point is good, but...well...your point is
just a little too sharp, don't you think?"

Alex looked from Fox to the monitor and back again. "Sharp?"

Fox shrugged warily. "Yeah. You know...just a little."

"You think he deserves for me to be nice to him?"

"No, of course not, but that sounds...well, it's sounds *hostile*."

"I *feel* hostile."

"Yeah, I *know*, but..."

"Fox," Alex interrupted, "do I have to remind you about what this
fucker did to me?"

"It's crystal clear in my mind, babe, believe me. I'd like to beat
the shit out of him too, but I can't. And neither can you. And," he
added, motioning to the partially-typed letter, "if you send *that*,
he'll probably be too afraid to meet with you."

"*Good*."

"No, baby, *bad*. We *want* to meet with him, remember? Getting
things squared away with him is a key factor in your recovery."

Alex emitted a hard sigh and looked back at the monitor. "Well, what
the hell am I supposed to say to him? Everything I can think of is
nasty."

Fox moved forward again and kissed the top of his lover's head.
"Okay, how about..." He handed his popsicle to Alex and extended his
arms, one on either side of the younger man, and began to delete
most of what he'd typed.

Alex settled back against Fox's shoulder, comfortably nestled in the
circle of his arms, and began to take bites out of the popsicle.

"Hey, that's the last banana," Fox complained as he watched the
yellow block of ice begin to disappear.

"It wouldn't be if you didn't eat them all first," Alex threw back,
finishing off one side, removing the stick then going to work on the
other.

"Can you at least save me a bite?"

"I'll think about it once I see how polite you're going to make this
note."

"It'll be brief and to the point."

"In other words, polite."

"No..."

Alex sighed heavily then fell silent as Fox typed up a very brief
answer to Matthew's letter. When he was through, he snatched the
remnants of his popsicle from Alex's hand.

"How 'bout that? Nothing friendly there, right?"

Alex grimaced at the older man and examined the message. "I suppose
it'll do," he grunted disdainfully.

Fox finished off his popsicle then planted a cold peck on his
lover's cheek. "Have I told you that I'm proud of you?"

"I haven't mailed it yet," Alex deadpanned.

"True. But you will. You never do anything halfway."

"Oh yeah, good, that's it. Put the pressure on me."

"No pressure, babe," Fox assured the younger man. "But you know this
is best. It's necessary."

Alex reached back, lacing the fingers of one hand with Fox's. "Yeah,
yeah. Do me a favor and hit print before I change my mind and delete
the whole damn thing."

Fox kissed his lover's cheek again and printed the short note. He
printed up an envelope, deposited the folded paper inside, and
sealed the flap then set it aside.

"All done. Wanna get me a stamp out of the drawer?"

Alex sighed, pulling the top left drawer open and withdrawing a book
of stamps. Fox grasped the other end of the book, playing tug-of-war
with him before he finally let it go.

"There." Fox removed a stamp and handed the book back to Alex. "We
can mail it when we take Clyde out later."

"Yeah, great."

Fox leaned down, pulling the younger man back against him. "It's
gonna be okay, baby. I promise."

Silence.

"Hey," Fox whispered into the other man's ear. "I got something to
make you feel better."

Alex knew the tone, and so did his cock. It leapt to attention,
pushing against the fabric of his jeans. He shifted in his seat and
smirked up at Fox.

"Yeah? What've you got?"

Fox wrapped his arms around the younger man, starting at the back of
his neck and kissing a path over his shoulder and then up the side
of his neck to his jaw. He turned Alex's head toward his and drew
his tongue across the perfectly bowed lips.

Alex's eyelids drooped, and he drew in a long, soft breath. "Mmm.
What else have you got for me?"

Fox moved around to the front of the chair and kneeled in front of
his lover. Slowly, his hands traveled the length of Alex's thighs,
and he looked up at the younger man from beneath a curtain of
lashes. "Everything you need, baby," he purred, letting his hands
gently skim over the bulge in Alex's jeans.

Alex's eyes closed as he concentrated on the delicious sensations
being generated by the simple touch. He fought to keep his hands
relaxed by his side and let Fox have complete control, and the
effort showed in his face. The older man gave him a sly grin and
undid his belt. Pulling the leather strap through the loops, he
dropped it into Alex's lap then set about removing his own.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked as if he really needed to.

"Nothing," Fox murmured, pulling the belt free of his jeans and
lifting Alex's left arm to the corresponding arm of the chair. He
deftly secured the younger man's forearm to the chair, then did the
same to the other.

"This doesn't look like nothing to *me*. Just remember, whatever you
do to me will be visited on you tenfold, okay?"

Fox smiled at his lover's failed attempt to sound threatening.
"Yeah, okay, tough guy. I'll remember to shake in my pants later."

"I'm serious..."

"Mmm hmm," Fox barely answered, busying himself with undoing the
younger man's jeans. He wrestled them down Alex's hips with a bit of
assistance from his captive, and left them pooled around his ankles.
His attention turned to the flushed cock that, now free, swelled to
its fullest potential. "Very nice," he moaned, his face drawing
close but not close enough to the flushed length of muscle.

Alex lifted his hips, encouraging Fox to accept his offering, but
the older man smiled and pulled away.

"Oh, no," he whimpered, dropping back into the chair. "Don't start
this..."

"Don't start what?" Fox asked innocently as his hands traveled up
Alex's chest and started undoing the buttons on his shirt.

"*Teasing* me. You're supposed to be making me feel *better*,
remember?"

"I promise," Fox said as he pushed the material away from his
lover's chest, "that by the time I'm done, you'll be feeling
fantastic."

"Not...shit!" Alex grimaced as Fox abruptly pinched both nipples.
"Not if you're not done until tomorrow!"

Fox laughed softly and pushed Alex's legs apart so that he could
kneel between them. The younger man's head dropped back against the
back cushion of the chair, and he groaned his lover's name through
gritted teeth as Fox began to thoroughly bathe his upper body with
his tongue.

"You're so tight," Fox whispered against the quivering flesh.

"Gee, really?" Alex gasped as the mobile tongue slid over a nipple.
"Can't imagine why."

"Relax." Fox continued to lick at the heated flesh while his hands
gently kneaded Alex's thighs.

"*Relax*? Alex grated, his patience quickly wearing thin. "I'll
relax after I shoot a load down your throat. Now, suck me, dammit!"

"I don't think you're in any position to be demanding, sweetheart,"
Fox reminded him, sinking his teeth into one nipple and pulling.

Alex jerked forward, unconsciously trying to relieve some of the
pressure, but Fox pulled back as he moved forward, maintaining the
tension on his nipple.

"God, I'm gonna kill you," Alex growled, fighting to draw a steady
breath.

Fox released the nipple then lovingly soothed the reddened peak.
"You know you love it," he whispered, meeting wild, green eyes. He
lowered his head to his lover's thighs, drawing tiny designs there
with the tip of one finger. "Tell me you love it."

"What? Tell you I love being tortured?"

Fox nodded, holding Alex in his smoky, amber gaze. "And then I want
you to ask for more."

"You're nuts."

"What's your point?"

"The point *is*, you fucking psycho, I'm not *asking* you to torture
me!"

"No?"

"*No!*"

"Not even if it means I'll make you scream your lungs out later?"

Alex glared at the older man and said nothing.

Fox shrugged and levered himself to his feet.

"Wh...where are you going?"

"Kitchen." Fox pulled Alex's jeans under his feet, making it
impossible for the younger man to try and move without tripping and
falling flat on his face. "Gonna make sure there are no more banana
popsicles."

Alex whined pathetically as Fox sauntered out of the room, then sat
quietly plotting his revenge until the older man returned.

"What luck!" Fox grinned. "One more. It was hiding under the
others."

"I'm thrilled for you," Alex snapped, his hands curling into fists.

"Aww, I'm sorry, baby. Did you want one? There are definitely no
more banana now, but there are plenty of orange and grape..."

"I don't want a fucking popsicle," Alex said calmly and softly.

"But I feel terrible standing here eating in front of you." Fox
snapped his fingers. "Tell you what..." Eyes never leaving Alex's
face, he undid his own jeans and withdrew his very erect cock.

The green in Alex's eyes almost disappeared, and he sucked the
corner of his bottom lip into his mouth as he watched Fox stroke
himself.

Moving to Alex's side, Fox smiled down at the bound man. "How about
some of this?"

Alex pulled in a shaky breath and nodded.

Fox moved closer and, hand still moving over his cock, let the head
slip inside Alex's mouth. A smile trembled at the corners of his
lips as he heard his lover's deep groan and felt the warmth of his
mouth partially envelop him.

Alex suckled avidly on what little he was given then opened his
mouth wider to accept the fingers that slid along the solid shaft.

"That's good, baby," Fox encouraged softly, momentarily able to keep
a handle on his control. He broke off a small piece of his popsicle
and pushed it into Alex's mouth, letting the younger man tease his
cock with the bit of flavored ice. "Oh, *God*, yeah, that's good..."

Alex pushed forward as Fox's hand receded, working the disappearing
ice down the length of his cock, then pulled away when it had melted
completely. He raised his head, accepting another piece, and he
immediately swallowed his lover's cock to the base.

Fox groaned harshly, placing one hand on Alex's head. "Easy,
baby..."

Alex slowed his movements, letting his tongue slide gently over the
shaft as he withdrew, then inched back down, moaning as the head of
his lover's cock hit the back of his throat.

Fox's mouth fell open on a loud gasp, and his fingers clenched in
Alex's hair. "Don't move," he panted. "God, don't even breathe."

//Is he fucking kidding me?//

Alex remained as still as he possibly could, and just when the
position began to get a bit uncomfortable, he heard the soft, slow
exhale, and then Fox's voice.

"Okay, easy...back off."

Carefully, Alex pulled away, his lips just barely grazing the older
man's cock. When Fox was finally free of his mouth, he looked up
into smoldering, gilded eyes and licked his lips.

"Lisa..."

Fox took two deep breaths then answered.

"Yeah?"

Alex could have protested it to the moon and back, and the fact
would have remained that he *knew* that sooner rather than later, he
would give in and admit that he enjoyed the hell out of Fox's
special brand of torture.

"...I love it when you torture me..."

A triumphant grin twitched at the corners of Fox's mouth. He brushed
a thumb across Alex's lips, letting the younger man lap at it.
"And?"

"I want..." Alex stopped, taking a stuttering breath. "...I want
more."

Fox smiled, raising the softening popsicle to his lips. "Yeah?"
Never taking his eyes off of Alex, he extended his tongue, letting
it slide up the side, catching the sweet moisture as it turned to
beads of liquid.

Alex swallowed past the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat
and nodded. "Please."

A pensive expression crossed Fox's face before he slowly kneeled in
front of the younger man and turned what remained of the popsicle
upside down, letting it drip onto Alex's cock.

Alex jumped at the first few cold drops, then just as it was
beginning to feel good, Fox's hot tongue swiped the liquid away.
Again the process was repeated, and Alex felt much like the
disintegrating ice in his lover's hand.

Compromised in the sweetest sense of the word. Yielding to Fox's
heat...surrendering to his will and melting at his touch, begging to
be consumed...

Fox slid the last of the popsicle off of the stick then did what
Alex had done just a few minutes earlier. He opened his mouth,
taking every last inch of his lover's cock inside, and swirled his
tongue around the shaft, distributing the icy slush over the hard
warmth.

"Oh, *God*." Alex stiffened, his teeth clenched tightly as his
fingers gripped the arms of the chair. "Fox...oh, baby, please..."

Fox continued to suck gently at Alex's cock until all of the
popsicle had melted, then he pulled away slowly. "Feels good,
doesn't it?" he asked, letting his tongue skip over the throbbing
erection.

Alex rolled his eyes up, letting his lids drop over them. A tiny
whimper escaped his lips as he nodded, and Fox smiled.

"Want to feel better?" the older man asked, lowering his head to
gently lap at Alex's balls.

Alex nodded frantically. "Yes...please, yes..."

"We left some lube in the desk drawer in here, didn't we?"

"God, Fox, we got lube in every room in the damn house," Alex gasped
as he anticipated his lover's next move.

Fox rose up and, leaning across his lover's chest, searched the
drawers to his left as Alex licked and nipped at whatever flesh he
could reach. Finding the tube in the second drawer, he again lowered
himself to his knees and unscrewed the cap.

Alex watched, hands straining against the belts. "Let me go, lisa,"
he pleaded, but Fox smiled and shook his head.

"Nope."

"But...I need to touch you. Please?"

"No. If you touch me, your concentration'll  be divided. I want it
all in one place."

"God, Fox, I'll fuckin' explode."

The older man gave him a devious grin. "Yeah."

Alex whimpered and twitched for all of the ten seconds that it took
for Fox to apply the lube to his cock, and then Fox got up and
turned around, grasping the slick shaft and holding it steady while
he lowered himself onto it. He sat as still as he could, fighting
the urge to buck and thrust, and when Fox was completely impaled, he
sat quietly trembling, waiting for his lover to move.

Fox closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Alex inside of him. He
bore down, making sure that his lover was as deep as he could be,
and then he began to contract his muscles, slowly milking Alex of
his sanity.

"Oh, God...oh....*Jesus*. Fox...baby, please..."

Fox stopped and carefully leaned back, resting against Alex's chest.
"Shhh." He turned his head and tenderly kissed the other man while
one hand drifted down to his neglected cock and began to lightly
caress it.

Deeply embedded in slick warmth, and feeding hungrily on his lover's
mouth, Alex whimpered his intense pleasure. He gripped the arms of
the chair until his knuckles showed white, and he thrust upward as
far as Fox's weight would allow, but stopped as Fox pulled away from
his mouth.

"Don't move, baby," the older man whispered soothingly. "Let me do
it for you." Slowly, Fox writhed in Alex's lap, squeezing the
presence inside him as he began to pump his own cock.

Alex watched, mesmerized by movement and sensation as Fox took them
both to their shattering conclusion. His insides coiled tighter and
tighter until he thought he could no longer stand the pressure, and
as Fox's movements became more insistent, he snapped, bucking and
screaming obscenities into the still air.

Fox rode out Alex's wild thrashing, gritting his teeth and pulling
roughly at his own cock until he exploded, shooting a stream of warm
fluid over his hand and belly. His frantic cries turned to soft
whimpers as his body relaxed, and he slumped back against Alex,
floating on the outer edges of unconsciousness. Only the soft whines
of his lover kept him from falling asleep.

Forcing his eyes to open, he struggled into a sitting position and
turned to look at the other man. "Sorry. Want me to let you go,
now?"

"It'd be nice, yeah," Alex breathed, eyes closed.

Fox undid the belts and lifted Alex from the chair, guiding him over
to the sofa. He settled onto his back and let the younger man drape
himself over him.

"Better?"

"Mmm hmm," Alex purred contentedly, nuzzling Fox's throat.

"And how do you feel?"

"Wasted."

"Good wasted or bad wasted?"

"Definitely good wasted." Alex drew his hand up and down Fox's
chest. "You take such good care of me."

"Always," Fox murmured into the sable hair.

The sincerity in Fox's tone brought Alex's head up, and he stared
down into steady, hazel eyes. A tiny trace of a smile graced his
lips, and he heaved himself to his feet, pulling Fox up after him.

"What are you doing?" Fox half asked, half complained as Alex tugged
him forward.

"Let's go grab a shower so we can take Clyde out for his walk." Alex
reached out, snatching the envelope from the desk. "And mail this
thing."

********************

"C'mon, Clyde, do you have to sniff every blade of grass?" Fox
turned to Alex, a serious question in his eyes. "D'you think he'd
knock some of this off if we had him fixed?"

"*Fixed*?"

"Don't look so horrified, Alex, hundreds of dogs are neutered every
day."

"Yeah, but it's so..." Alex winced. "Emasculating."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, he's a *dog*. You really think he's gonna
care?"

"Hell yeah, he'll care!"

Fox emitted a burst of laughter. "I know he's smart, babe..." He
looked down at the sniffing dog. "...sort of...but really, he's not
going to know the difference. Besides, it's better for his health."

Alex stared at his lover, stricken. "You know, I can understand that
coming from Scully, Fox, but *you*? You're a traitor to your
gender."

Fox rolled his eyes. "I am *not*. I think it's something we should
consider before he gets too much older."

Alex shuddered and said nothing.

"It's not like we're going to breed him or anything," Fox reminded
Alex. "We agreed that we didn't have the time..."

"I know," Alex whined. "Let...let's just get through one trauma at a
time, okay?" He pulled the envelope from the inside pocket of his
jacket as they approached the mail box, and dropped it in. "See
that?" he asked, a hint of pride in his tone. "No hesitation."

Fox gave his lover a proud grin and reached out to gently graze his
chin with the tips of his fingers. "I noticed."

They walked on, and as they came back in the direction of the house,
their young neighbor ran up from his yard.

"Hey, guys!"

Fox smiled down at the boy. "Hey, Mitchell."

The boy briskly rubbed the dog's head. "How are ya today, Clyde?" He
squinted up at Alex, and his eyes grew wide. "What happened to you,
Alex? You got bruises on your face."

"Yeah, I uh...I had a little accident."

"I haven't seen you for a few days...nobody took you again, did
they?"

Alex's gaze dropped to the sidewalk. "No, nobody took me. It was
just an accident. I'm okay."

The boy nodded then looked across the street to where his friends
were hollering his name.

"I think you're holding up the game," Fox informed the boy. "Maybe
you'd better get back to them."

"Yeah, or Bobby Jameson'll probably start to cry," the boy
complained. "He's such a *baby* if he doesn't get his own way. My
dad says it's 'cause he only lives with his mom. Said she's turnin'
him into a pansy..."

Fox quickly covered his mouth and looked the other way to keep
himself from breaking into laughter.

Alex stared wide-eyed down at the boy. "Your father told you that?"

"Not me. I heard him tellin' my mom."

"Ah. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't tell that to Bobby or any of your
friends if I were you, okay, Mitchell? It's not a very nice thing to
say."

The boy shrugged. "Okay. I'll see you guys later."

Mitchell dashed back across the street, and Alex turned around to
the sound of Fox's snickers.

"I can't believe you're laughing, Fox. You know, if Mitchell's
father is talking that kind of junk about a little kid, what do you
think he must feel about *us*?"

Fox shrugged. "Steve Mitchell has always been cool with us."

"Yeah. To our *faces*. What's he saying behind our backs? Not that I
give a shit personally what he says, but I just don't want the kid
getting the wrong message, you know?"

"I think if he was saying *anything*, we'd hear it from Mitchell
just the way we heard about Bobby Jameson. We're hardly girlie men,
Alex, and I think that's what he's got a problem with."

Alex snorted then cut his eyes in Fox's direction, giving him a
leering grin. "I don't know," he purred, bumping Fox gently with his
hip as they moved into the driveway. "You *are* pretty..."

Fox shook with laughter. "That's true."

"And when I hit just the right spot, you make this soft, whimpering
noise that could be interpreted as kinda feminine."

"Okay, now you're pushing it."

Alex chuckled as he opened the front door and preceded Fox inside.
"Come on, pretty Fox, I'll fix you a nice dinner, then you can prove
to me what a manly man you are..."

********************

"Mom? He...I can't believe it. He wrote back. And it's only been a
little more than a week."

The woman moved toward her son as he dropped heavily into the
nearest chair. "Isn't that what you'd hoped for?"

"Yeah."

"Then, why do you look so pale?"

"I just...I never thought he would."

"Well, are you going to open it?"

Matthew nodded mutely but made no move unseal the envelope.

"Some time this week, honey."

The young man nodded again.

"It's only a letter. It's not going to bite you."

"I know..."

"Would you like me to open it?"

He wanted nothing more than to say yes, but he knew that Doctor
Peters would tell him that he needed to do this for himself.

"No, Mom, I'll do it."

Slowly and deliberately, Matthew unsealed the stark white envelope
and removed the matching sheet of paper. He read the typewritten
words and looked up at his mother, paler than he had been.

"There's a number here. I'm supposed to call it to set up a
meeting."

"So, he agreed."

The young man nodded. "He agreed. Now what do I do?"

"Call the number?"

Matthew swallowed, trying to rid himself of the unreasonably large
lump that had formed there.

"Honey," his mother called softly. "You've been through hell with
that Justin character, and you made it. Now, why should you let this
man scare you so much?"

Matthew shook his head. "He was caught by surprise, Mom, but this
man...Alex...he's not like anybody I've ever known, or will *ever*
know, I dare to say. Do you know how many of Justin's men he killed?
He's...he's unbelievable."

"He's just a man, Matt. *You* should know that. Didn't you tell me
that he fell apart after what that monster made you do to him?"

"Yeah."

"I'd say that makes him pretty human and nothing to be afraid of. He
did what he did to those men because...well...he was backed into a
corner. Everyone reacts differently when they're trapped. Some
become paralyzed with fear, and others lash out like he did."

Matthew shrugged, staring down at the typed note.

"You want me to get the phone for you?"

"Y...yeah. I have to call Doctor Peters first."

As his mother left the room, Matthew's eyes fell shut, and images of
Justin beating then bathing him crept into his head. He shuddered as
even almost a year later, he could clearly hear that soft, taunting
voice speaking words of comfort as his hands moved gently over him.

In his mind, the obscenity of those moments had far surpassed any
sexual humiliation that he'd been subjected to, and that was saying
a hell of a lot.

Matthew shook his head, trying to rid himself of the images, but a
new one took their place.

Alex...restrained, struggling...begging and cursing as, in only a
few minutes time, everything he'd held most sacred was stripped from
him.

Matthew could never recall feeling sicker than he had at that
moment. What Justin had done to him on a regular basis, he had just
done to another human being, and he'd hated himself for it. He hated
himself still.

//If I'd been stronger, if I'd been more like him...//

"Here's the phone...honey, are you all right?"

Matthew took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded. "Yeah. Just
thinking."

"About?"

The young man shook his head. "Just stuff." He dialed the doctor's
phone number and waited. "Doctor Peters. It's Matthew...I got an
answer today..."

********************

A loud growl followed the ringing of  Fox's cell phone.

"Why the hell's Scully calling here at *this* hour?"

Alex lifted his head from his lover's sweaty chest and glanced over
at the clock. "It's only eight o'clock, you know. You just *think*
it's late because we've been in bed since six-thirty."

"Oh." Fox reached for the phone. "Well...she's just damn lucky we're
done, that's all I gotta....yeah, Scully, what is it? Who?" Alex
watched Fox's expression go from annoyed to guarded. "Yeah. Yeah, it
is...uh huh...fine, but if you want this to happen, you're the one
who'll be doing the traveling...okay, as long as you know..."

Alex lowered his head back to Fox's chest and tightened his hold on
him, listening to his lover's part of the conversation with the
caller he now knew was *not* Scully.

"...no, you'd better make it sooner than that. I don't give a damn
about preparations. I won't have him thinking about this a second
longer than he has to...that's right. Get it arranged and get back
to me...right."

Fox hung up and looked down at the top of Alex's head. "You know who
that was."

Alex gave his muffled affirmation.

"He uh...he said to thank you for agreeing to see him."

"Whatever...when is he coming?"

"He's going to talk to his doctor again and get back to us. You
heard me tell him he'd better hurry the hell up about it..."

"Yeah." Alex lifted his head and gave his lover a grateful,
half-smile. "Thanks."

"It'll be over and done with before you know it," Fox promised,
stroking Alex's back.

Alex nodded and nestled against his lover, tucking his head under
the stubbled chin.

"You okay, baby?"

"...Yeah."

"Alex..."

"Hmm?"

"What are you not telling me?"

"I was...I was kind of hoping that he wouldn't call..."

"Aww, baby." Fox hugged the younger man to his chest and kissed the
top of his head.

"You won't leave, right? I mean, even if this doctor wants us to
talk privately or something?"

"Either the four of us talk, or the two of them can sit there alone.
I promise, I won't leave you alone with them for any reason."

Alex released a long sigh. "I'm acting like a real baby, aren't I?"

"You can act any way you want." Fox petted the sable head.

"Sure you won't get sick of my pouting?"

Fox laughed softly. "Never. Hell, you do it almost as well as I do."

"Must've learned it from you," Alex murmured flatly, but Fox could
hear the tinge of humor in his tone.

"It's probably like moving to another state," Fox reasoned. "After a
while, you pick up the accent."

Alex lifted his head. "Okay..."

The older man gave him a wide grin. "*Yeah*. Except you picked up my
pout."

Alex smiled back. "It's not the same, though. I don't have that big
old sexy bottom lip."

"Your mouth is beautiful," Fox whispered, brushing his fingers
across the younger man's lips, then his mouth slanted into a
lascivious grin. "Especially when it's wrapped around my cock."

Alex burst into laughter. "Very sweet, Fox. You really know how to
charm a boy."

"Worked, didn't it?"

"Well, yeah. But that's because I'm easy." Alex let one hand drift
down to Fox's groin, fingers crawling over his awakening cock.

Fox sighed softly, eyelashes fluttering. "Wish I could say I was
sorry, but..."

Alex inched upward, brushing their mouths together. "Sure you do."

With very little coaxing, Fox opened his mouth, allowing Alex's
tongue to sweep inside. The low vibration of his moan triggered a
similar sound from the other man, and as their tongues writhed
together, Alex's hand wrapped around his cock and began to slowly
stroke it. He arched beneath his lover's touch and broke the kiss,
panting softly. "C'mon, baby."

A sweet smile curved Alex's lips. "C'mon baby, what?"

"Suck me. I wanna be in that pretty mouth."

Alex studied his lover's face for a brief moment then slid down the
length of his body, kissing and nipping the flushed skin. Finally
reaching his goal, he looked up, meeting Fox's eyes. Never breaking
eye contact, he gently nuzzled the velvety shaft, inhaling his
lover's scent. His tongue slithered out, licking a delicate trail
along the side, working his way toward the tip. Once there, he
lashed quickly at the head, the tip of his tongue snake-like in its
movements.

Fox's head rolled languidly on the pillows, and he gave his lover a
lazy smile.

"Swallow it, dammit, and quit teasing."

Alex displayed a devious grin. "Now, what fun would *that* be?"

"Loads of fun."

"For *you*."

"Well, *yeah*."

The younger man chuckled softly and swiped away the bead of fluid
that had gathered at the tip of his lover's cock. "You mean you're
not having fun right now?"

"Sure, I am, baby. But I could be having *more* fun if you'd just be
a good boy and do as I say."

"You know I'm not real good at being obedient."

"Yeah, I know. Not unless you're properly coerced. So, okay, will
you do it if I ask you nicely?"

Alex closed one eye and pretended to give it some thought.
"Mmm...maybe. Why don't you try it and see?"

Fox rolled his eyes up under his lids and sighed. "Alex,
sweetheart?"

"Yes, Fox?"

"Do you think you could...if it isn't too much trouble...would you
pleeeease suck my cock?"

Alex's mouth twitched into a tiny grin. "That was nice."

"Nice enough?"

"Almost."

Fox began to whine and turned a most pitiful stare on the younger
man. "Alexei..."

"Hmm?"

"Please..." Fox lifted his hips, letting his cock rub against Alex's
cheek. "I need to feel your mouth around me."

Alex kissed the side of the swollen shaft. "How can I say no to you
when you look at me like that?"

Fox hissed through gritted teeth as, in one fluid motion, Alex
swallowed him to the root. "Oh, God...thank you, baby..." He grasped
handfuls of sheet, groaning deeply as Alex sucked and tugged at him.
"Shit...Alex...oh...Jesus, don't...no...no, no, no..."

Refusing to release the pressure, Alex worked two fingers inside
Fox's ass, their passage made easy by the mixture of lubricant and
semen that had remained inside of him from their earlier session.
The older man began to buck, alternately pushing himself down on
Alex's fingers and up into his mouth, and Alex let him do so for a
moment, then, with his free hand, held Fox down and turned the
pressure up. Quickly, his head bobbed up and down on his lover's
engorged cock as he worked a third finger inside him, pushing as
deeply as he could.

Fox's head pressed back into the pillows, and a strangled snarl
escaped past his lips as the ever-escalating tension broke and he
came in an endless stream down Alex's throat.

As his lover's convulsions subsided and then ceased, Alex released
him and slid up beside him, kissing a moist path to his mouth. His
tongue dipped into the warm interior, sharing Fox's taste with him,
then he pulled away and gently rolled the older man onto his side.
He pressed up against Fox's back, making his unfulfilled arousal
known.

Despite his own very recent satisfaction, Fox wiggled against the
hardness pushing insistently against his ass. The soft chuckle
behind him was followed by brief movement, then Fox felt Alex's hand
stroking over his own cock just seconds before he slowly worked it
between the smooth cheeks. Fox pushed back, hastening his lover's
entry, then relaxed into the warmth of Alex's embrace, sighing
contentedly as he was filled completely.

Once he was as far inside Fox as he could go, Alex stopped moving.
He simply wrapped himself around the older man, tenderly kissing and
licking at the back of his neck while his hand moved in lazy circles
over his chest.

"What're you doing?" Fox asked softly, rubbing the back of his head
against the younger man's.

"Nothing," Alex answered, tightening his hold on the man in his
arms. "Just enjoying being close to you."

"Close?" Fox purred, amusement tingeing his voice.

Alex rocked slowly against him. "Really close." He returned his
attention to the back of Fox's neck, teasing the sensitive skin.
"Why? Does it bother you?"

"Are you kidding?" Fox wriggled back against the younger man. "You
know how much I love having you inside me..."

"I know," Alex murmured against his neck, "but you must be tired."

"I am. That's why you're gonna do all the work."

Alex laughed softly and bit into the padding of his lover's
shoulder. "Seriously, you're not dying for me to just get this over
with?"

Fox frowned slightly and reached back, threading his fingers through
Alex's hair. "Of course not. You take as much time as you want."

Alex moaned softly and pushed his hips forward again. "Such a
perfect fit...like you were made for me."

Fox's lips curved into a contented smile, and he tightened his
muscles just enough to encourage another moan from his lover.

"My beautiful Fox," Alex whispered, mouthing the edge of the older
man's ear. "You *were* made for me."

"Just you," Fox answered just above a whisper.

"Sweet baby," Alex breathed into Fox's ear, sending a shiver down
his spine. "There aren't words enough..." He withdrew a bit then
slowly sank back in. "..for me to tell you how much I love you..."

Fox shivered in the younger man's embrace, and though he didn't
think it possible tonight, his cock began to lengthen and swell.

"...Or how much I need you..."

Fox whimpered softly, squirming as the other man caressed the front
of his body.

The tip of Alex's tongue flicked in and out of his lover's ear.
"...Or how very much I want you."

Fox pressed himself against Alex, writhing languidly. "Show me,
baby," he moaned. "Make me believe it."

Alex clamped his arms around the older man, and with a soft growl,
began to thrust in and out of him.

"Mmmm." Fox rubbed the back of his head against Alex's shoulder,
panting softly. "Give it to me, Alex."

"It's all yours, baby," Alex croaked. "Take it." He pulled out and
slammed back into the older man, prompting a sharp yelp. "Come
on...take all of it."

Fox broke from Alex's grip and rolled to his knees, lowering his
shoulders to the mattress. Golden-brown eyelashes swept upward and a
wild, gilded gaze met Alex's eyes. In an instant, the younger man
was on his knees behind Fox, spreading his ass cheeks and driving
forward. His eyes snapped shut, and his mouth opened, allowing a cry
of pain and pleasure to tumble forth.

"Tell me you love it," Alex whispered, as he pulled back, preparing
to resume his assault.

"I love...it...Alex...God, I love it..."

"Tell me you need it," the younger man commanded softly, stroking
his lover's back.

"I need it," Fox sobbed, trying to push back, but Alex moved as
well, leaving only the head of his cock inside of the older man.

"You're going to come one more time for me," Alex stated, leaning
over and biting gently at his lover's shoulder. "And you're going to
do it right now." He grasped the older man's cock and began to
stroke it expertly. "And when you're done, you're not going to sink
down onto the bed. You're going to stay here like this...just like
this, until I'm finished with you. Understand?"

Fox nodded, whimpering desperately as the tension built in his body.

"Good." Alex increased the speed of his hand. "Let's go..."

Fox's limbs began to tremble as he felt hot rush of sensation
barreling through him, and he began to whine and grunt incoherently
as Alex worked him mercilessly.

"Come on, lisa," Alex demanded coarsely. "I can feel it coming..."

Seconds after Alex finished speaking, Fox stiffened then began to
buck into his lover's hand, drenching it and the sheets below in
semen. As his cock was drained, so was his strength, and his arms
and legs began to quiver. His whimpering called Alex's attention to
the fact that his energy was waning, and the younger man wrapped an
arm around his waist, holding him up.

"You promised," Alex murmured softly against the back of his neck.
"Are you going to break your promise?"

"No..." Fox shook his head, panting to catch his breath. "No."

"It's hard, though, isn't it?" Alex held Fox's hips in a tight grip
and plunged into him. "You're ready to collapse, aren't you?"

Frantic nod.

"But you're not going to." He pulled out almost to the tip then
drove back in. "You're tired, but you promised me...you promised me,
Fox..."

Fox's body jerked forward with the force of the thrust. "*Yes*."

"You're going to stay strong for me, aren't you?" Alex gasped as he
pumped relentlessly into his lover. "You're going to...to take it
all..."

Fox's head snapped back, and he howled into the humid air. "*Yes*!
All of it...all of it, I swear...more, baby...harder...I can take
it...give it to me..."

Alex held Fox in a grip that was sure to leave bruises, and he
increased the speed and strength of his thrusts, never letting up
until he exploded inside of the other man, shuddering violently and
sobbing into his shoulder. As he slumped exhausted onto Fox's back,
they both dropped to the bed and lay shivering in the aftermath of
their pleasure.

Long minutes passed before either man moved, and then it was Alex
who stirred first, lifting his head from Fox's perspiration-dotted
shoulder. He looked down at his lover's profile, taking in the long
sweep of golden-brown lashes, the relaxed pout of his mouth, and he
smiled wearily.

"So beautiful."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing," Alex whispered, planting a tender kiss on the older man's
jaw. "Go to sleep."

Fox snuggled down into the pillows, heaving a satisfied, exhausted
sigh and promptly obeyed the soft command. Alex relaxed his own
body, letting flesh rest against flesh, and he strung a line of
moist kisses along one shoulder, his tongue occasionally inching out
to taste the salty beads of sweat that lingered there. Soon enough,
he drifted away, joining Fox in peaceful, mindless oblivion.

********************

"How did you sleep, Matthew?"

"Sleep?" The young man turned bloodshot eyes up to his doctor.
"What's that?"

Doctor Peters took a seat across from his patient. "Try to relax,
Matt. This is what you've been working toward. I'm very proud of you
for having the courage to face this man."

"I don't know if I'd call it courage or stupidity," Matthew droned,
looking down at his folded hands. "You know, maybe we shouldn't have
done this. Maybe we should've found another way..."

"Those are just your nerves talking. Come on now, what do you say we
go down and have a little breakfast and unwind before they get
here?"

"I don't know," the young man sighed. "Anything I eat'll probably
just make me sick right now."

"You have to put a little something in your stomach." The older man
reached out to pat Matthew's knee. "It'll be fine, you'll see.
You've worked very hard at putting your life back together. Now,
just tell yourself that you're going to do fine, *believe* it, and
let's go down to breakfast."

Matthew took two deep breaths, gave the doctor a sickly smile, then
the two headed down to the dining room.

********************

Quiet.

Still too early for kids to be rushing off to school or parents to
be heading to work.

Alex walked through the still neighborhood with only his thoughts
and Clyde for company. Fox had seemed to understand without him ever
having said a word that he needed a little time to himself, and he
gave Alex a long, sweet kiss and let him leave this morning, alone.

He walked in the direction of home, Clyde in keeping in step by his
left side, and the closer he got, the stronger the urge to turn
around and head back out toward the park became.

//Maybe if I'm late enough, we won't have to go.//

//Don't be stupid. The kid's not going to disappear because you're
late. You'd just be putting off the inevitable. Go home. Do it, and
get it the hell over with.//

Alex continued on his path, letting his legs carry him into the yard
and through the kitchen door where Fox was just finishing the
breakfast cleanup. He hung up Clyde's leash, got him some water,
then walked over to where Fox was stacking the dishwasher.

"How are you feeling?" Fox asked, shutting the door and turning the
machine on.

Alex shrugged and leaned back against the counter. "Been better." He
gave Fox a wary smile. "Been worse."

The older man took the few steps necessary to straddle his lover's
legs and wrap his arms around his neck. "You're gonna be fine."

Alex nodded, staring into the calm sea of amber before him. "As long
as you're with me." He raised his hands to Fox's back, stroking
lightly.

"Every minute," Fox replied, planting a chaste peck on the tip of
Alex's nose. "You ready?"

"Yeah, just let me go wash my hands, and we can go get this over
with."

They shared a brief kiss then exited the room together, separating
at the living room. While he waited for Alex, Fox slipped into the
black leather jacket so similar to his lover's, deposited his cell
phone into the inside breast pocket, and checked his hip pocket for
his keys. Alex emerged from the bathroom seconds later, and they
walked hand in hand to the garage, automatically gravitating to the
Porsche.

"You drive, okay?" Alex asked, nudging his way to the passenger's
door.

"Sure." Fox laid a gentle kiss on the younger man's temple and
opened the door for him. Once Alex was comfortably settled inside,
he rounded the car and dropped into the driver's seat. He hit the
second button on the remote, and the garage door rose while he
started the car. The engine roared to life at the turn of the key,
and Fox backed down the driveway and turned onto the street.

The twenty minute ride to the hotel that Matthew had indicated in
his last phone call was a relatively quiet one, and when they pulled
into the parking lot, Alex bowed his head and took one long breath.

Fox placed a hand on Alex's knee, letting the younger man absorb his
warmth. "You okay?"

Alex nodded then raised his head and looked over at Fox. "Let's go."

********************

Matthew paced, looking at his watch for the twentieth time in as
many minutes. "Maybe he won't show up."

Doctor Peters checked his watch as well. "He's not late, Matthew."
The knock at the door turned both men's heads. "In fact, he's right
on time."

"Oh, God," the young man murmured to himself. "Oh, God, oh, God..."

"Breathe, Matthew. Remember your exercises? Easy now; everything is
going to be all right."

The doctor left the young man and walked over to the door. He turned
and gave Matthew a reassuring smile then turned the knob and swung
the door open. His still-smiling face met the two men standing side
by side in the hall.

"Good morning, Alex," he said, looking to the man who fit Matthew's
description. "I'm Doctor Peters."

Alex warily sized up the man at the door.

Casual dress. Kind, gray eyes and a genuine if practiced smile.

He reached out and shook the offered hand, releasing it quickly.

"I'm very glad you decided to meet with us." The doctor turned to
the man by Alex's side. "You must be Fox."

Fox nodded, grasping the older man's hand firmly. "That's right."

"Pleased to meet you. It's good that you're here."

"I wouldn't be any place else."

Doctor Peters gave the two an understanding smile and motioned them
inside. "Shall we sit down?" he asked, indicating the sofa and
chairs at the far end of the room.

From his place by the window, Matthew watched, frozen as Fox
murmured soothingly to Alex, placed a tender kiss to his temple, and
led him by the hand to the sofa.

"Matthew?"

The doctor's voice startled him, and he looked up, blinking rapidly.

"Come, Matthew. Join us."

Timidly, he stepped forward and took a seat in one of the chairs
across from the sofa on which the other two men sat, and practically
withered under Alex's intense glare.

Once everyone was as comfortable as they were going to get, the
doctor spoke again.

"There's no doubt that this is going to be a difficult session for
all involved, but if we can gain just an inch of ground this first
day, we will have done well."

Alex tilted his head, his brow creasing. "*First* day? What the hell
do you mean, *first* day?"

"Well," Doctor Peters looked from one man to the next. "From all
that Matthew has told me, I hardly think that we're going to get
through this all in one day."

"You'd *better* get through it all in one day," Alex warned, anger
rising quickly, "'cause I have no intention of ever coming back here
after today."

The doctor paused, not knowing quite how to answer to that.
Fortunately, Fox stepped in.

"Babe," he said softly, rubbing Alex's knee. "Take it easy, okay?"

"I mean it, Fox," Alex whirled to face the other man, anger turning
to pleading. "I don't want to come back here again."

Fox moved closer, laying a comforting hand on the back of the other
man's head. "But what if we don't get it all resolved today? We
can't leave it up in the air, what good will that do you? Please,
baby? Let's just do this, and see where it leads. We can talk about
other meetings if at the end of this one, they appear to be
necessary." Fox leaned forward, resting his forehead against the
younger man's. "I'm here," he whispered just loud enough for Alex to
hear. "Remember?"

Alex drew a deep breath and nodded. He kissed the corner of Fox's
mouth then reluctantly pulled away. He maintained body contact,
though, sitting close enough to the older man that their thighs
touched. Once again, he turned a stony green gaze on the other two
men. "We gonna talk about this or what?"

"Yes," the doctor replied softly. "Yes, we are. Matthew, would you
like to start?"

"Yeah, I..." Matthew stuttered and stammered, only occasionally
directly subjecting himself to the hatred that blazed in Alex's
eyes. "...I uh...I wanna thank you, Alex, for coming..."

The stiffening of Alex's body could be felt all around the room, and
Fox quickly closed his hand around his lover's, silently soothing
him and keeping him in his seat.

Matthew realized his slip and squeezed his eyes shut, inwardly
cursing himself. "I mean...God...I appreciate that you would meet
with me..."

Alex's jaws convulsed rhythmically, and he lowered his gaze to his
lap. "I'm not here for you," he rasped softly. "So, let's just
dispense with the nicey-nicey bullshit and get to it."

Doctor Peters watched the other man closely, taking mental notes
while he waited for Matthew to continue.

"All...all right, I'm s-sorry. Uh...y-you and I had very little time
together, and so, you don't know about everything I went through
with Justin..."

Alex's leg began to bounce up and down, but he remained silent.

"It...it might help you to understand..."

Alex's head snapped up, and he shot a searing glance at the young
man. "Don't even..."

"Alex, please, just let me..."

"Let you what?" Alex hissed. "Let you try and justify what you did?
Understand *what*? Understand that you helped that mother fucker try
to take my life away from me? You want me to understand that you
really *didn't* want to rape me?"

Fox blinked in surprise. Never since Fox had found him at Saint
James's house had Alex ever referred to what Matthew did to him as
'rape'.

It was obviously a surprise to Alex as well, because he came to an
abrupt halt, his eyes registering his shock. Almost immediately, he
withdrew into himself, looking down at the floor and clinging to
Fox's hand.

The doctor held a hand up to Matthew, silently asking him to give
the other man time to come to terms with what he'd just said.

Fox cupped the back of his lover's neck, pressing soft kisses into
his hair and mumbling words of comfort.

"That's what he did, Fox," Alex said to the older man. "I've been
dancing all around it, but that's what it boils down to..."

"Alex, I'm sorry," Matthew whimpered. "I'm so..."

"Take your *sorry* and shove it up your ass," Alex spat at the
younger man before being drawn into his lover's arms.

"It's all right, baby," Fox cooed. "It doesn't change anything. It's
just a word." He turned cold eyes to the youngest man in the group.
"Go on."

Matthew nodded uncertainly then continued.

"Like I had told you that first time Justin sent me in to visit you,
I came to him on my own. It wasn't because I'd come from a broken
home or anything like that. I had a good childhood. Lots of
friends...I did well in school, joined lots of clubs...my father
died when I was fairly young, but mother and my sister have been
wonderful. They took it a lot better than I thought they would when
I came out, and they've never been anything but supportive.

"I m-met Justin while a bunch of friends and I were on vacation in
St. Croix. He was so smooth and so kind. I remember he kind of did
this little bow when he approached us at our table at the club where
I met him, and he asked me to dance. I wasn't really sure at first,
but my friends kept nudging me and telling me to go ahead, so I
did..."

Alex's head rolled against the back of the sofa. "Do we *really*
have to hear a blow by blow account of your courtship?"

"Matthew feels that he needs to really explain the circumstances of
his situation for you to understand," Peters broke in.

Alex snorted and cut his eyes away, and Matthew picked up where he'd
left off.

"I don't remember how many dances we had that night, but it was
quite a few. He asked me if we could find a quiet corner to talk in,
and I agreed. He bought a bottle of expensive champagne, and we
drank and talked. By the end of the night, he had me promising to
let him take me out to dinner the next night.

"He was right on time the next evening...picked me up in a Rolls. We
went to some really exclusive place and ate things I'd never even
heard of. And the whole time he kept looking at me. I actually got a
little uncomfortable at one point, and he noticed and apologized.
But I was so beautiful, he said, that he couldn't help himself..."

Alex's eyes snapped back to the younger man. "And you fell for all
this bullshit."

"Yeah. Y-yeah, I did."

"Fuckin' idiot," he murmured. "You deserved what you got."

Fox gently rubbed Alex's thigh, silently asking him to be patient.

Matthew winced and continued. "Uh...he brought me back to my hotel
sometime after one...all that time we just talked. He asked me all
sorts of questions about myself...he seemed genuinely
interested...when he dropped me off at the door of the hotel, he
asked if he could see me again." Matthew shook his head. "He was so
nice and so sincere. I really liked him...I said yes. We got
together again the next night, and the night after that. On my next
to last night, he dropped the bomb. Told me that he knew it was
going to sound insane, but he was head over heels in love with
me..."

"Oh, for..."

Alex threw a vaguely amused glance at Fox, surprised at his lover's
response. Fox caught himself and cut of his remark, ending it on a
disgusted grunt.

"I know," Matthew said quietly. "But I sucked it all up. He promised
me everything under the sun...told me he'd lay the world at my feet
if I would stay with him. I'd never been the impulsive type. I was
always so shy and cautious. But this man just swept me away." He
paused for a moment then continued. "My friends left two days later
without me. I told him that I had to call my mother and let her know
I wouldn't be home when she expected me, and he suggested that
instead we should go together and speak with her. Well, that just
made me think he was even more wonderful than I'd originally
thought, and I agreed.

"We got on his plane the next day, and he told me that he had to
stop at home first for some very important business, but he assured
me that the next day we'd fly right out to Pennsylvania. We went to
his house, and he showed me around. Introduced me to the staff...had
the cook prepare a wonderful welcome dinner for me...and that night
he took me to bed for the first time and gave me a glimpse of who he
really was."

Matthew lowered his head into his hands and rocked back and forth
for long seconds before pulling himself together and continuing.

"All the uh...all that gentleness disappeared. He was rough, and he
was thoughtless...he gave no consideration to me or what I wanted.
When he was through, I hurt. I was so sore, that when I got up to
use the bathroom, he noticed that I was walking stiffly. He asked
what was wrong, and I made the mistake of telling him. He flew out
of the bed and shoved me so hard, I fell over a chair and landed on
the floor on my back. He kneeled over me and asked me how I dared to
criticize him. I was scared to death. I didn't know what to say, so
I just kept apologizing.

"Justin reached down and touched my cheek, and he gave me that smile
that I had been used to seeing. And even though his tone was soft,
his words were threatening as hell. He told me hat I should never
question or criticize him. He said he really didn't like it, and I'd
do well to remember that. Then he told me that I could get up and
use the bathroom.

"I don't even know how I got my legs to work well enough to stand,
but I did. I made it into the bathroom, and I stayed in there a
while, trying to stop shaking. He called to me a while later and
asked if I was all right. I didn't dare say no. I told him I was
okay, and I came back out. He was lying there, propped up against
his black, silk pillows. He smiled and held his arms out to me, and
I felt my stomach tighten. But I went to him, and he pulled me into
his arms, stroking and kissing me, and again he promised me a rich,
exciting life. He fell asleep with a vice grip on me.

"God, I don't think I slept a wink that night. I laid there sick and
scared and thinking that as soon as we got to Pennsylvania I'd tell
him that I wasn't going to go back with him. Of course, the trip
never happened..."

"Noooo," Alex gasped, eyes wide with pretend shock.

Matthew lowered his head. "I...I asked him why we weren't going, and
he told me that I was being punished for what had happened the night
before. I asked him *when* we'd be going because my mother had to
have been getting worried about me, and he gave me one of those
looks and asked me if I was questioning him. Before I could answer,
he backhanded me and cut my lip. He told me I was insolent and
undisciplined, and he was going to fix that. He never took me
home...he never even allowed me a phone call...

"The abuse just got worse and worse after that. Pretty soon, I was
actually afraid for my life. I did as I was told, and the beatings
decreased, but he'd still let me have it once in a while just for
drills." Matthew momentarily found the courage to look up at Alex.

"Justin was a cruel, manipulative man who did nothing but use me. He
used his charm to lure me in, then he trapped me and broke me down
so much that I honestly didn't think I had a life without him.
He..." Matthew stopped, swallowing hard, then continued. "...He
*loaned* me out to his friends, sometimes for entire weekends, and
they'd do terrible things to me..." The young man's voice cracked on
his last words, and he lowered his head.

"Tell Alex what they made you do," Matthew," the doctor prodded
gently.

"I don't give a *shit* what they made him do," Alex threw back,
lifting his head from Fox's shoulder. "He's trying to use it as an
excuse. *Fuck* his excuses. Nobody can make you do want you don't
*want* to do."

"That's not necessarily true, Alex," Peters replied.

"The hell it isn't."

"You didn't *want* to have that orgasm," the doctor pointed out
softly, and Alex flew off the sofa. Fox caught him just before he
was able to reach the man, and firmly restrained him.

"You fuckin' son of a bitch!" Alex railed, struggling against the
arms clamped insistently around him. "I should kill you where you
sit!"

Terrified, Matthew shrunk back against his chair, watching wide-eyed
as Fox continued to restrain the infuriated man.

"Baby," Fox murmured into his lover's ear. "Come on, now. He wasn't
trying to upset you, he was just trying to point out a fact." He
turned his eyes to the doctor, who was trying his level best to
appear unruffled. "Don't do anything like that again, or I just
might not stop him the next time."

"I'm sorry," Peters apologized earnestly. I truly did not mean to
offend him, but I wanted him to realize that his statement doesn't
apply to everyone."

"Hell of a method you got there," Fox said after seating Alex. "Tell
me, doctor, where did you learn that antagonizing a person nets
positive results?"

Before Peters could reply, Fox went on.

"And while we're on the subject, I'd like to see your credentials."

The older man blinked in surprise. "Of...of course."

While Fox perused the doctor's qualifications, Alex sat quietly,
eyes closed, the pain of what had happened to him renewed.

//Isn't this cozy, Alexei? Here you are in this sunny hotel room,
side by side with your lovely Fox, and, sitting right across from
you, a man you hardly know, but who knows you most intimately...//

"Alex? *Alex*. Baby..."

Alex blinked up into his lover's concerned face and said nothing.

Fox rubbed his palm over the younger man's cheek, searching his
eyes. "Are you all right, sweetheart? You had this look on your
face..."

"Yeah," Alex whispered, averting his eyes. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

Alex nodded and straightened his back. "Let's just get through
this."

Fox nodded and, moving as close to Alex as he could get, interlaced
the fingers of one hand with his lover's.

Once everyone was again settled, Doctor Peters coaxed Matthew into
continuing his story.

"I um...I had to accompany Justin to parties...these weren't
ordinary parties. They consisted mostly of old men. Old...rich,
perverted men who bought anything they wanted, including
companionship. Every one of them had a young man on his arm. And at
some point during the night, they'd have *entertainment*. *I* was
the center of their amusement once."

The young man paused, struggling to get a handle on the tremors that
passed through him. Seconds later, he raised his head and went on.

"There was a platform in the middle of the room...like a stage.
There were at least six or eight of them...the young men who were
there...they...took me up on the stage, and they were...they were
all over me, ripping at my clothes. They forced me down on my hands
and knees, and then they...I couldn't do anything. One took me from
behind, and another one forced himself into my mouth...I can't
remember how many times I almost choked...and when they were
through, two more took their place, and the old men...they just
watched.

"I uh...I caught Justin's eye once, and he smiled at me." Matthew
laughed softly, bitterly. "He was *proud*, that sick bastard. His
eyes just sparkled." He stopped speaking and lowered his head into
trembling hands.

"You're doing fine, Matt," Doctor Peters' soft voice encouraged.
"It's okay. It's in the past."

Matthew lifted his head and blinked back the moisture that scalded
his eyes. "When...when they'd finished with me, I was so sick. I
...I threw up. I couldn't help it. I hurt, and I...I could taste
them all in my mouth. God, I was so sick."

Fox watched the young man, wincing at his genuine distress. This
Saint James bastard was worse that he'd originally thought. He'd
definitely done the world a service...

"Justin was furious," Matthew continued. "I'd embarrassed him. When
he was sure that I wasn't going to throw up anymore, he hauled me
out of there, just like I was. No clothes...no one even offered me a
jacket." The young man squeezed his hands together. "He shoved me
into the car and said nothing the whole drive home. I remember...I
remember curling myself up in the corner of the seat and not moving
until the car stopped, and he dragged me out." A soft sob escaped
his lips. "He beat me. I mean, he really beat me, screaming about
how I'd made him look like a fool in front of his friends. I was
almost unconscious when he stopped. He stormed out of the room and
came back, I don't know how soon after, and he helped me up off the
floor and cleaned my wounds. Then he ran a warm bath, and he sat
there on the edge of the tub, washing me. His touch...the things he
said to me were so gentle, it made me sick all over again. I held it
down, though, because I was afraid he'd kill me the next time."
Tear-filled eyes looked up to the two men on the sofa. "This is what
it was like with him. Every day."

Alex lifted his head and leveled an icy gaze on the young man. "Did
you hate it?"

"Yes."

"And, did you want out?"

"*Yes*."

"I don't believe you."

Matthew stared speechless, shaking his head.

"You must have got something out of it. You had to have enjoyed it
on some level."

"I...I didn't, I swear..."

Alex cocked his head, brow wrinkled. "Who in their right mind would
have gone through the shit you just described and not even *tried*
to get away? *Nobody* can be *that* big a pussy."

"He...he made himself the center of my whole world," Matthew tried
to explain. "He made me totally dependent on him for *everything*.
He'd confine me to my room for weeks at a time on a whim. He'd
withhold food for days...all to let me know that *he* was in charge.
He'd beat me just for the sake of beating me, and he'd tell me that
it was just a little reminder for me to behave myself. I was never
the assertive type, but he'd taken me far beyond that. He'd reduced
me to a sniveling little mouse, afraid of my own shadow. He'd taken
every last shred of my will away from me. I had no choice but to do
the things he told me to do."

Alex glared daggers at the young man, unwilling to believe a word
he'd just said.

"There's *always* a choice."

"For *you*," Matthew countered. "You're nothing like me..."

"You got *that* right, junior."

"You were so strong. I thought...I could almost believe that you
would beat him, but a little bit of me, way down deep inside kept
reminding me who he was, and I couldn't let myself hope for it." He
looked into Alex's eyes, repulsed by the thought that came to his
mind. "You want to hear something really sick? You want to hear how
badly he'd screwed me up? The first day he brought me into that room
to see you, I watched him. I saw the gleam in his eyes as he looked
at you, and along with the confusion and fear, I actually felt a
twinge of jealousy. He said he'd brought you there as a companion
for me, but I knew better. He wanted you. I could hear his mind
clicking. You were gorgeous, and thought of parading you around on
his arm thrilled him to no end. And I honestly didn't know whether
to be relieved that maybe he'd not bother me so often, or to envy
you because it'd be you to have his attention." He looked away,
deeply distressed. "Oh, God, I was so messed up."

Alex stared at the younger man for a good, long time before turning
his attention on the doctor. "You wanna tell me what the hell this
is supposed to accomplish?"

Peters leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and pressed
his fingertips together. "During our sessions, I noticed he would be
doing very well until we touched on the subject of what had happened
between you."

Alex leapt to his feet and, under Fox's watchful eye, began to pace
like a caged leopard, and abruptly cut the man off. "Nothing
happened *between* us. I was restrained...chained to a fucking bed
and *drugged*. I was stripped. I was beaten and taunted. And then
Saint James stuck *this* little weasel in the cage...oh. I'm sorry.
Did I mention I was also caged like a fucking animal?"

The doctor nodded. "Matthew did mention that, yes."

"*Yes*. And Saint James sent *him* in to take care of me after he
whipped me." Alex continued to pace, shaking his finger at the
younger man. "You know...you almost had me. I'd actually started
feeling sorry for you." He cut his eyes back to the doctor. "He
spent hours with me. Trying to get me to eat...cleaning my
wounds...talking to me...and then he fuckin' ripped me in two."

"Alex, I..." Matthew suppressed a sob. "I didn't want to, I
didn't..."

"You didn't, you didn't," Alex imitated the younger man's soft
whine. You *did* *it*!" he roared, whirled around, and stalked
toward the terrified young man. Fox was there in an instant,
hovering close by in case Alex went for him, but he stopped just
short of snatching Matthew from his seat, instead towering over the
trembling man, eyes burning into him. "You sashayed into that cage,
dropped to your knees and sucked my dick down your throat. *Killing*
me would have been kinder, but you know that, don't you?"

"I didn't *want* to," Matthew whimpered, curling himself into a ball
of misery. "He made me...he would have killed me if I didn't."

"Are you really that spineless, you little *shit*, or is this 'he
would have killed me' crap just a line you're using to excuse the
fact that you'd turned around and did to me what he'd basically done
to you!?"

"Please...I...I can't...please don't..."

"Please don't *what*?" Alex shouted. "Don't remind you? Why the fuck
not? *I'm* reminded every goddamn *day*! Why shouldn't *you*
remember?"

"I'm sorry," the young man whispered, covering his ears. "I'm sorry,
I'm sorry." He looked to Doctor Peters. "Please. I want to stop now.
I can't...I...."

"Like hell!"

Wide eyes snapped back up to the man who still hovered over him.

"You're not stopping *shit*. You started this. *You* wanted to
dredge all this up, and now you're going to listen to it. *All* of
it!"

"He's right, Matthew," Peters agreed softly. "We talked about this.
You got to say what you wanted to say, and he has to do the same. It
all needs to get out."

The young man shook his head as he lowered it to his knees.

Before Alex could fire off another round, the doctor spoke up. "But,
perhaps it *would* be a good idea if we stopped here and picked up
tomorrow when we're all just a bit calmer..."

"What the fuck do mean, when *we're* all calmer? *You* got no reason
to be worked up. *You* weren't the one who was knocked out, snatched
from your home and taken to that asshole's house. *You* weren't
chained and caged and drugged out of your fucking mind..."

"Alex..." Fox slid his arms around the irate man's chest and laid
his head on his shoulder. "Come on, baby, take it easy. It's Matthew
you want to tell this to, and he's not hearing anything right now."

"Why the hell not?" Alex spun in his lover's arms, curling his
fingers in his shirt. "I didn't *want* to come here. I didn't *want*
to hear his damned excuses, but I did. Now, tell me why he shouldn't
give me the same *fucking* courtesy?"

"He will, babe. But he needs to deal with what's happened so far
*today*. He needs to pull himself together, and we can continue
tomorrow..."

"Why should I give him any time to get his shit together? This was
*his* idea."

"I know. I know, Alex, but...he's obviously working on it, but he's
still very weak. He'll hear everything you've got to say. And he'll
do it tomorrow, even if I have to lock his doctor in a closet and
tie *him* to a chair."

Alex slumped a bit but his anger remained in place. "I don't *want*
to look at his face again. I'm the goddamn victim here, and we're
doing everything *his* way..."

Fox drew Alex into his arms, stroking his back soothingly. "I know
you don't want to hear this, sweetheart, but he's a victim too.
Justin Saint James messed him up big time. He didn't want to do what
he did, but he honestly felt he had no choice. He's not *you*, Alex.
I know you would have died before you gave an inch to that fucker,
but Matthew simply was *not* that strong. He still isn't." He drew
back, looking into turbulent, green eyes. "Saint James tried and
failed. He did *not* take your life from you. He altered it a
little, but you're dealing with it, and you're recovering. You can
afford to be a little generous..."

Alex dug in his heels. "I was generous enough to meet with him. I
don't *want* to give him anymore than I already have."

"Okay, baby, okay. But listen to me. You're not giving anything to
him. You're only giving to yourself. To *us*. You want us to be
completely free of all of this, right?"

Alex's expression softened. "That's the *only* reason I'm here. You
know that."

"All right, then. Let's just back off for now and finish this
tomorrow." Alex's silence prompted him to speak again. "Come on.
We'll go somewhere for lunch, then we can take a nice long drive and
unwind." Fox massaged his lover's shoulders. "Okay?"

Alex lowered his eyes and answered softly, "Okay."

Fox slipped a curled finger under the younger man's chin and lifted
his head for a brief, tender kiss. When their lips parted, he took
Alex's hand and began to move toward the door. Doctor Peters
followed and thanked them both for their time. Alex simply glared at
the man, but Fox nodded and asked the doctor to contact him later
that evening so they might discuss a time for their next meeting.

Once out of the hotel and back in the car, Alex slouched down in his
seat and closed his eyes. His lover eyed him warily.

"You okay?"

"I'll live."

"That's not what I asked."

Alex sighed. "No, I'm not okay. I got a headache the size of all
outdoors, and the overwhelming desire to see someone's blood
splattered on a wall."

Fox gave him a tiny smile. "Well, as long as it isn't mine, we can
work through it, I guess."

Alex gave the older man a weary smile and puckered his lips in a
mock kiss.

"So, you *don't* want to kill me for asking you to meet with Matthew
one more time?"

"No," Alex answered softly. "As much as I hate the thought of going
back there, I gotta trust you to do what's best." He shook his head.
"I know there's no way for me to be objective enough."

Fox reached across the short distance and petted the sable head.
"It'll be over tomorrow, baby. All done."

Alex reached for his lover's hand and laid a soft kiss in the palm
before holding it to his cheek. "I'm so sorry I was such an asshole
to you before."

"Where'd that come from?"

"I don't know, I...I just thought about it. I should get down on my
knees at the beginning and end of every day and thank God that I've
got you. I mean, look at Matthew. Look at what he wound up with. Of
course, I still think he deserved it for being such a fucking moron.
But *me*. Me of all people." Alex laughed softly. "I get you. If
that isn't pure luck, I don't know what is. I've got no business
giving you a bad time about anything."

Fox let out a bark of laughter. "Baby, the day you don't give me a
bad time about something is the day I start to think that Cancerman
has pulled a fast one on me and replaced you with a clone." Fox drew
his hand down Alex's cheek and cupped his chin. "Seriously, I want
you just the way you are. I fell in love with Alex the opinionated,
stubborn, aggressive, impatient pain in the ass, and that's who I
expect to live out my life with. Capice?"

"Yeah, Guido, I gotcha."

Fox gave the other man a brilliant smile and turned his attention to
the road.

Nearly forty minutes later, they were seated by a sunny window in a
bustling restaurant, and though Alex smiled and spoke with him of
other things, Fox could feel the tension in him still. When they'd
finished with lunch over an hour later, Fox made good on his promise
and took him for a nice long ride.

Alex sat quietly and watched the afternoon sun dance rapidly through
the trees as they moved down the country road, and for the first
time that day, he felt a little more like himself. He turned his
head and looked at the man beside him, and breathed deeply.

He *was* incredibly fortunate. There were people in the world who
had lived a much more virtuous life than he, and had been slapped in
the face time and again by fate. They'd never been lucky enough to
find true and lasting love, or for one reason or another had it
ripped from them. And then there were those like Matthew whose only
crime was that they were fool enough to fall for the wrong person
and have their entire lives ruined or worse.

He'd definitely had his share of horror; much of it of his own
making, but the unwavering love and devotion of this man had saved
him. It had turned his life around when he'd thought nothing in the
world ever could, and he'd be damned if anything was going to fuck
it up. He'd see the gutless little bastard again, and he'd get rid
of all the excess baggage...

//Well, isn't this pleasant? This is good, Alexei, a nice drive in
the country is just what you need to unwind...//

"Alex?"

Alex blinked rapidly and snapped his head in Fox's direction. "Hmm?"

"What is it?"

"What's what?"

"I don't know, you made this funny sound. You okay?"

"Yeah." Alex straightened his posture. "Yeah, I'm fine." His
attention drifted to the passing scenery, and Fox returned his eyes
to the road.

Driving on for another ten minutes or so, Fox pulled off the main
road and came to a stop about a half a mile in. Alex looked out over
the trees and stream below and turned to the older man.

"This is nice. How'd you know it was here?"

"Scully and I had been out this way a number of years ago on a
case."

"Oh." Alex looked around. "Quiet."

"Uh huh." Fox reached across the seat and stroked his lover's jaw.
"And secluded."

Alex gave him a suspicious grin. "That too."

Fox leaned over, nuzzling the side of the other man's neck then
kissed his way up along his jaw and turned him into a teasing kiss.
When he pulled back, Alex smirked at him.

"Are you trying to get fresh with me?"

"Yeah," Fox rumbled, dragging his tongue across the younger man's
bottom lip. "Any objections?"

"Well," Alex shrugged. "I just thought that you brought me up here
for the spectacular view."

Fox let one hand slide beneath Alex's jacket, caressing down his
chest and coming to rest over the growing mound at the front of his
jeans. "I've seen it."

"I haven't."

"So, look all you want." The older man popped the button at the
waistband of Alex's jeans then began to pull his zipper down. "I'll
just be checking out *this* spectacular view."

"You've seen that too," Alex reminded Fox, moaning softly as his
fingertips grazed the surface of his cock.

"True. But it's that kind of scenery you never get tired of." Fox
moved in for another kiss as his hand crept farther into his lover's
pants, wrapping itself around the engorged shaft. The soft sounds of
Alex's growing desire vibrated against his lips, and his tongue
swept into the younger man's mouth, exploring the sweet warmth.

Alex anchored his fingers in the golden-brown hair as his tongue met
the gentle invader, curling around it, stroking and sampling the
taste he would recognize even if struck blind.

Fox fed on his lover's mouth for an eternity while he caressed and
teased the warm length of muscle in his hand, and when Alex began to
fidget impatiently, he broke the kiss and smiled into emerald-green
eyes.

"Enjoy your view."

Alex's head fell back against the headrest and his eyes slid shut as
Fox shifted in his seat and lowered himself so that his head rested
in the younger man's lap, and the tip of his tongue slithered along
the length of his cock. He stroked the golden-brown silk beneath his
fingers, enjoying the gentle, unhurried touches and slowly opened
his eyes and looked down.

Lost in the sensations that the velvety warmth generated, Fox drew
his tongue over every inch of his lover's erection, starting at the
base and ending at the tip where he teased from it the small bead of
viscous fluid. As the moisture disappeared into his mouth, the
feeling that he was being watched prompted his head to tilt, and his
eyes rose to meet the smoky gaze that rested on him. His tongued
swiped at his own lower lip, and he smiled up at Alex.

"I bring you up here to take in this beautiful, relaxing view, and
what do you do?"

Alex returned the smile. "A bunch of trees and some water have got
nothing on the sight of you licking my cock."

Fox gave him a crooked grin then closed his eyes and slowly slid his
mouth over the head and down the stony length of his erection.

Alex's hips involuntarily lifted off the seat, and a deep growl
rumbled in his chest as his lover's head rose and fell on his cock
in a lazy rhythm. He fought to keep his eyes open and trained on Fox
while his hand combed lovingly through the older man's hair, and his
soft whispers echoed in the small enclosure...

"Moy lisa...God, thank you, baby...my baby..."

//Matthew would have liked it if you had spoken so sweetly to
*him*.//

Alex's eyes squeezed shut, and he fought to block out the voice that
continued to torment him.

//You were so angry with him this morning. I'll bet your body had a
different reaction...//

Feeling Alex stiffen and sensing that the sob he attempted to choke
back had nothing to do with passion, Fox lifted his head and stared
up into his lover's anguished face.

"What is it, baby?"

"Make him stop."

"Who?"

Eyes still closed tightly, Alex lowered his head and took a shaky
breath but said nothing.

Fox lifted himself a bit higher. "Are you still hearing his voice?"

The younger man nodded silently.

Fox sat up and drew Alex into his arms. "It'll go away, baby. When
this is all over...when you've been able to confront Matthew with
all of it, he won't have any kind of hold on you anymore."

"I'm sorry," Alex murmured into Fox's chest. "I'm sorry I let it go
this far. I've wasted so many months of our life letting this eat at
me...fighting with you, making you worry..."

"It's all right," Fox comforted, tightening his hold on the other
man. "We're going to fix it."

"M'sorry..."

"Knock it off with the apologies." Fox tilted Alex's head up and
looked down at him. "There's no need for them."

The two men sat quietly studying each other for a few moments, then
Alex stretched up the few inches necessary to touch his lips to his
lover's. "I love you," he whispered just before his mouth covered
Fox's.

Fox pulled the younger man closer, deepening the kiss and re-heating
his temporarily cooled desire. He heard the soft, throaty sigh, felt
Alex's hands wander up under his jacket, and he knew that the ghost
of Justin Saint James had been exorcised at least for a while.

Alex pulled out of the kiss, moving only far enough away to make
himself heard.

"Fox...baby, I..." His eyes rose to meet a warm, hazel gaze, and he
finished his request. "...Please...finish me."

A satisfied smile curved Fox's mouth, and he kissed the younger man
once more before resuming his position and teasing his cock back to
the its previous state.

Alex's eyes drifted shut, and a grateful moan escaped his throat as
he again relaxed against his seat. The warm, moist pressure on his
cock gently ebbed and swelled, and his body vibrated in anticipation
of the moment when control would be lost, and Fox would take him
into that blissful oblivion where nothing else could reach him.

Fox felt the increase in tension in his lover's body...heard the
growing impatience of his moans, and he hastened his movements,
sucking harder as his tongue lashed over the engorged shaft. As
Alex's hips began to lift off the seat, and his soft moans turned to
frantic whimpers, he knew it was time.

The moment came quickly, rocking Alex's body with a series of
violent spasms. One hand clutched at the door handle as the other
curled in Fox's hair, and he cried out harshly, bucking again and
again into his lover's mouth.

So brief a time for so sweet an experience.

He wished he could remain there, lingering in beautiful completion,
but already he could feel his descent. Though he struggled against
it, he became more aware of his surroundings...the pounding of his
heart, and the heavy breaths that fell from his lips in soft gasps
and wheezes. And he became fully aware, again, of the mouth that had
not yet released him but remained, tenderly cradling him, tongue
stroking and caressing him until he went completely soft.

Fox released his lover's exhausted cock, planting a soft kiss on the
head before he righted himself and covered Alex's mouth with his
own. Alex opened his mouth, allowing Fox to share his taste with
him, then the older man pulled away, smiling at the weary, contented
glow he found in the forest-green eyes.

"Hell of a view," Alex breathed, grinning slightly. "Thanks for
bringing me up here."

"Any time." Fox kissed his partner once more then secured his
clothing. "Guess we should get out of here and get home before Clyde
thinks we've both run away from home."

Alex nodded and sat up straight in his seat. he turned his head to
his left and watched as Fox resumed his place behind the wheel. The
older man returned his gaze, giving him a tender smile, and they
headed for home.

********************

Fox dashed through the door and dove for the ringing phone as Clyde
tackled Alex, yapping and howling.

"Hello?"

"My God, Mulder, what the hell's going on over there?"

Fox chuckled into the phone. "We just got in."

"From where? Japan?"

More laughter. "He does this everytime we walk into the house. He'll
quiet down in a...Clyde...no, Clyde, come on! Alex, would you get
this animal off me?"

"Oh, it was funny when he was attacking *me*."

Fox finally managed to push the dog away, reaching for his squeaky
porcupine and whipping it into the hall. The dog bounded after it
and returned seconds later, growling and hitting Fox's leg with the
bright orange object in his mouth. He took the porcupine and threw
it again while Alex went for the dog's leash. "So, what's up,
Scully?"

"Nothing much, I just wanted to see how things are going."

"We had that meeting with Matthew and his doctor today."

"Yeah, you'd mentioned that to me before. I haven't heard from you
for a few days, and I don't know if you really went through with it
or not."

"We did."

"And?"

"Well, it wasn't pretty."

"Alex didn't try to kill him or anything, did he?"

"No," Fox answered. "He showed remarkable restraint...you know, for
Alex..."

"Gotcha."

"But the kid fell apart. We gotta continue tomorrow."

Alex walked into the living room, swinging Clyde's leash, and Fox
asked Scully to hang on for a bit. Before he could speak, Alex held
up his hand.

"Go ahead and talk to Scully. I'm just gonna take him for a quick
walk."

Fox nodded and accepted a quick kiss before Alex and the dog exited
the house. He took his hand away from the mouthpiece and returned to
his conversation.

"Okay, I'm back."

"Now, what'd you say, Mulder? You have to go back tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I can't tell you how unhappy Alex is about *that*. I gotta
admit, it doesn't thrill me either, but..."

"But you really think it's necessary?"

"Yeah, I do. Scully, Matthew told us some awful stories about what
Saint James did to him, and not that he really gave a damn, but Alex
listened to him. When Alex started to vent, the kid fell apart. He
just lapsed into this state. His doctor asked if we could give him
some time to pull himself together, and Alex had a fit."

"Well, Mulder, I can't say that I blame him."

"No, neither do I. But it's *my* job to hold him together, so I
managed to reason with him. He's not going to be free of this until
he confronts Matthew, and he only did that in part today. He's got
to finish."

"Does he realize that or is he too mad?"

"No, he knows it. Doesn't mean he's happy, though."

"He'll be okay, Mulder. He's communicating with you now. That's half
the battle."

"Yeah, I know." Fox sighed softly. "I just want this over. It's like
even from the grave this son of a..." He stopped and breathed
deeply. "For almost a year now, he's been tortured...possessed by a
damn *ghost*, and I've felt so useless..."

"You haven't been useless, Mulder. There was nothing you could do
for him till now. You tried, and you tried, and...God, you tried
some more. Alex pushed you away. But you told me that's changed
now."

"Yeah. I've finally convinced him that admitting that this thing's
still got a hold of him doesn't make him weak."

"We all have weaknesses, Mulder, including Alex. You're a *huge* one
for him."

Fox smiled into the phone. "And he'd be happy to admit that to you.
He might confess to a couple of other innocuous ones, but this is a
biggie to him. It's screwing with his mind, it's caused trouble in
our relationship, and he hasn't been able to get a handle on it. He
couldn't admit to that. He talked himself into thinking that there
*was* no problem, and any time I confronted him about it, he'd just
shut down. I'd push, and we'd end up fighting."

"So, you told me that he's talking, but you never said what turned
him around."

"We had a breakthrough after I brought him home from the hospital.
We fell asleep, and I woke up later to find that he wasn't there. He
was wandering around the yard in the pouring rain looking for
intruders."

"Was he asleep?"

"Yes and no. I think he really woke up when I came up behind him. He
turned around and a couple of seconds later, he recognized me and
dropped his gun."

"His *gun*..."

"Yeah."

"Mulder..."

"I know what you're going to say," Fox interrupted.

"Good. But you know what? I'm going to say it anyway. You've been
through this before, Mulder. He's almost *killed* you. Maybe you
should consider taking his weapon away from him."

"I don't have to do that."

"Mulder, I know you don't want to hurt him by making him think that
you distrust him, but this is your *life* we're talking about here."

"You're right, Scully. I'd never want to hurt him like that. And,
luckily, I don't have to. Alex made me hide his gun that night."

"He did?"

"Yeah. Personally, I believe that even asleep he'd never be able to
hurt me, but he feels better not having access to his weapon, so I
put it away where he couldn't find it."

"Well, I feel a little better, then...although he *could* try and
strangle you again..."

"Scully, would you stop borrowing trouble? Alex isn't going to do
anything to me."

Just as Fox was finishing his sentence, he caught Alex out of the
corner of his eye, standing not more than ten feet away. The pained
look in the younger man's eyes stabbed at his heart, and he quickly
brought his phone conversation to an end.

"Uh, look, Scully, I gotta go. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Mulder, is everything okay?"

"Y-yeah, I just...I gotta go." Not waiting for a response, Fox hung
up and rose to his feet. As he advanced toward Alex, the other man
spoke.

"She's worried again, huh?"

"Yeah," Fox said softly. "But I told her she didn't have to."

"Yeah, I heard you." Alex's eyes shifted to the floor. "I...I
haven't tried to hurt you since that time..."

"I know," Fox broke in. "You know Scully. She's a worrier."

Alex's wounded gaze refocused on the man before him. "Did you tell
her I asked you to hide my gun?"

"Yeah, I did."

"But she thinks I could do something else to you."

Fox took Alex's hands in his. "You're not going to do anything
else."

"You don't know that."

"Come on, Alex, let's not do this again." Fox shrugged. "It wasn't
even me you went after the other night, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And as soon as you turned around and realized it was me, you
dropped the gun."

Alex nodded silently.

Fox moved closer and let his hands glide up and down the other man's
back. "You're not going to kill me."

Distraught, green eyes skittered away again. "You've got so much
faith in me."

"Of course, I do."

"Maybe too much."

"Never. Asleep or awake, Alex, I trust you with my life." Fox lifted
the younger man's head and smiled at him. "Now...I need your help
with something."

"What?"

"You know when I was being so nice to you about an hour ago?"

A tiny smile curved Alex's mouth. "Yeah."

"Well..." Fox pulled Alex closer and rocked against him.

"Wow." Alex's smile grew wider. "An hour's a long time to be
suffering with *that*."

Fox shrugged. "I've certainly gone longer, no thanks to you, but I'm
sure that you have no intention of tormenting me tonight, do you?"

Alex shook his head slowly.

"Good." Fox leaned in, nuzzling his lover's throat. "Then, what do
you say we call it a night?"

Alex glanced down at his watch. "It's only five-fifteen."

"It's ten-fifteen in England."

The younger man tilted his head back, still smiling. "Of course. Why
didn't I think of that? Well, I guess we'd better get to bed, then."

Fox nodded and tried to pull him in the direction of the bedroom,
but Alex resisted. When his lover shot him a questioning look, he
tossed his head in the direction of the dog who had settled down in
front of the coffee table and was presently gnawing a new hole into
his porcupine.

"Gotta feed him."

A heavy, groaning sigh left Fox's throat, and he waved the younger
man off. "Hurry up. I'll meet you in the bedroom."

Alex watched Fox disappear from sight then clapped his hands
together, rousing the dog to his feet. "Come on, Clyde. Let's get
some dinner." The dog bounded into the kitchen, practically knocking
Alex into the wall in his enthusiasm to get there. "Jeez, Clyde,
when was the last time we fed you? Last month?"

Quickly, Alex fed the dog and headed into the bedroom where Fox was
waiting, sprawled across the bed, wearing nothing but a screaming
erection and a smile.

"Took you long enough."

"It took me approximately three minutes."

"That's a damn long time when I'm lying here thinking about being
sunken up to my balls in your ass."

A wide grin spread across Alex's face. "Where'd you learn to be so
crude?"

Fox smirked, letting his hand skim back and forth over his cock.
"Some guy named Alex. He taught me well." He gripped the shaft at
the base and waved it toward the standing man. "Come and get it,
baby. You know you want it."

Alex held up one finger and disappeared momentarily into the
bathroom. Fox heard the water run then stop, and Alex emerged
seconds later, unbuttoning his shirt.

Fox squirmed in anticipation, and when the shirt finally hit the
floor, he released a soft moan and began to stroke his cock. "Hurry
up, Alex. Don't make me come in my hand."

"Well, stop touching yourself, and you *won't*."

"Can't help it," Fox whimpered. "*You're* not touching me..."

"I can't touch you and undress at the same time," Alex reasoned as
he began to pull his pants down.

Fox's lips formed a beautiful, sulky pout. "You could if you really
wanted to."

Alex laughed softly. "You drive me nuts."

"Not yet..." Fox passed his finger over the bead of moisture that
had formed at the tip of his cock and raised it to his lips. "...but
if you'll hurry up and get over here, I'll give it a good try."

Alex watched the older man lick his own semen from his finger, and
his cock swelled beyond the point of comfort. He quickly finished
undressing and fell onto the bed beside his lover.

"You didn't save any for me?"

Fox arched beneath his lover's touch. "I got plenty for you. Climb
on and I'll let you have it."

Grinning, Alex swung himself up on his knees then straddled Fox's
hips. His hands roamed the expanse of his lover's chest as he rocked
back and forth, rubbing over the solid muscle under him. He watched
the green and gold of Fox's eyes disappear behind drooping lids, and
those sinfully lush lips part on a soft gasp, and he smiled, leaning
over to reach for the nightstand drawer.

Fox's eyes snapped open as the pressure with lifted from his cock.
"What are you doing?"

"Getting the lube."

Stopping the younger man, Fox reached under a pillow and produced
the tube, smirking up into gleaming, green eyes.

"Should've known," Alex murmured, taking the tube from Fox's hand
and unscrewing the cap. He squeezed some of the contents into his
hand and lifted himself just far enough to stroke it onto his
lover's cock.

Fox lay moaning at the teasing touch, impatient to feel the familiar
warmth surrounding him, and when Alex's hand finally moved away, he
gripped the younger man's hip with one hand, steadied his cock with
the other, and pulled him down. "Come on, baby," he panted. "I can't
wait."

Feeling the same impatience, Alex positioned himself then sank down
onto the older man's cock. He pulled up immediately, tightening his
muscles as he rose, prompting a harsh groan from Fox, who began to
buck wildly beneath him. Before they both fell over the edge, he
took control, forcing Fox into a harder, more disciplined rhythm,
driving the breath from each of them with every thrust.

The veins stood out in Fox's neck as he struggled against the urge
to throw Alex onto his back and fuck him straight through the
mattress. The fingers of his left hand bit into his lover's hip
while his right hand curled around the base of his cock, and he
watched as Alex's eyes fluttered and closed.

"Gonna come again for me?" he asked, arching up as Alex dropped back
down onto him.

Alex nodded, whimpering as Fox regained control, synchronizing the
movements of his hand with his hips.

"Do you feel it coming?" the older man rasped, quickening his pace.

Another nod accompanied by a choked grunt.

"Don't hold it, baby...I can't...come on..." Fox jerked Alex's cock
harder as he thrashed beneath him.

No longer able to hold himself up, Alex fell forward, burying his
face in his lover's shoulder as they neared satisfaction. His
muffled cries grew more and more frantic as the unstoppable rush of
heat thundered through him, and when the final explosion occurred,
his head snapped up and a long wail escaped his throat. Fox followed
immediately, his cries echoing around them then dying to a soft
whimper. Alex's head fell back to his shoulder, and the two lay
quietly together, neither man taking a breath for long seconds. When
finally Alex was able to function properly, he took a deep breath
and planted a soft kiss on his lover's chest.

"You're so good for me."

A weary but amused voice answered, "You just figuring this out?"

"No." Alex stretched himself out along his lover's body, snuggling
against him. "But I just felt the need to tell you."

Fox wrapped Alex securely in his arms and kissed the top of his
head. "Okay." He glanced over at the clock. "Hey, it's still way too
early for bed...wanna grab some dinner and see what's on
pay-per-view?"

"Sure." Alex lifted himself up and away from the other man. "I'll go
get the shower running, and you can think about what you want to
eat."

"Nothing much," Fox called after the retreating man. "I'm still
pretty full from lunch. You didn't eat a whole lot, though. Are you
hungry?"

"A little," Alex answered over the rush of water. A moment later he
returned and helped Fox off of the bed. "Wanna get Chinese?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Fox agreed linking fingers with his lover and
following him into the bathroom. "Just do me a favor. If you're
going to get that disgusting bird spit soup..."

"That's bird's *nest* soup."

"*Spit.*"

"Whatever."

"Just keep it away from me so I can enjoy my food."

"What's so bad about it?"

"I don't know," Fox droned as they stepped under the water. "It just
*looks* nasty."

"Oh, and the paper cups full of chewed up sunflower seed shells that
you leave lying around look really appetizing."

Fox turned the younger man around and began to lather his back. "But
they're disgusting *after* they've been eaten, not *before*."

Alex heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Don't worry, I won't eat my soup
anywhere near you."

"Good."

"I'll just sit way over on the other side of the room."

Fox spun Alex around and rubbed the sponge across his chest and
shoulders. "Thank you."

"Nowhere near you..."

"I appreciate that."

Irritated that Fox refused to take the bait, Alex snatched the
sponge from him and turned his face up to the warm spray. Just as he
touched the sponge to his skin, and hand snaked around from behind
and snatched it back.

"Do you mind?" Fox asked, a hint of a challenge in his tone. "I
wasn't finished."

"I can wash myself," Alex countered, reaching for the sponge, but
Fox moved it out of his grasp.

"Never said you couldn't."

"So, *let* me."

Fox shook his head, and before Alex could protest further, he pulled
he younger man back against his chest, running both soapy hands over
his torso. A soft giggle escaped Alex's lips as Fox tickled the
sensitive interior of his ear with his tongue, and one hand
whispered over his exhausted cock.

"Forget it," Alex laughed. "It ain't budgin'."

"You don't think so?"

"Trust me."

"If you'll trust me..." Fox purred, continuing to gently stroke the
depleted organ.

"I do, lisa," Alex said in his most condescending tone. "But I'm
telling you, it's just not gonna happen. Not right now. I'm wasted."

"Mmm." Fox nipped at the other man's earlobe. "Sounds like a
challenge."

"No challenge," Alex insisted just before stifling a moan as his
lover's awakening cock nudged his rear. "*God*, already?"

Fox smiled into the side of his neck. "Mmm hmm."

"You're such an unbelievable slut."

"So are *you*."

Alex suppressed a chuckle. "Nuh uh."

Fox lightly ran his fingers over the younger man's cock. "Your lips
say no no, but *little* Alex says yes yes."

Alex turned around and wound his arms around Fox's neck, writhing
against him. "You're gonna make me old before my time."

"No way," Fox leered. "Mass quantities of sex keep you young. Dr.
Scully'll confirm that."

"Okay, I'll be sure to call her later and check." Alex backed Fox
into the wall. "But just in case you're right, let's tack another
couple of months onto our lives..."

Twenty-five minutes later, weak and happy, the two men dropped onto
the sofa together and awaited the arrival of their food. Four
courses later, they lounged together and finished the movie they'd
begun watching, then took Clyde out for a leisurely walk. Falling
into bed a little after ten, both almost immediately fell into a
deep, dreamless sleep, not waking until well after eight the next
morning.

********************

Fox sipped his coffee, perusing the morning newspaper as Alex snuck
bits of Fox's 'home baked' corn muffins to Clyde.

"Anything interesting?" Alex asked, keeping one eye on his lover as
he repeatedly lowered his hand to the dog's mouth.

"Same stuff," Fox answered absently. "Murders, scandals...none of my
teams won...you're going to clean up whatever crumbs Clyde misses,
by the way."

Alex made an attempt at innocence. "Crumbs?"

"From the muffin you're feeding him."

"I just gave him a little piece."

"Uh huh." Fox folded the paper down and stared at the younger man.
"See if I make *you* breakfast any more."

Alex was about to answer when the phone rang. "I got it." As Fox
returned his attention to the paper, he slipped one last piece to
the dog and reached out, snatching the cordless phone off the
counter. "Hello?"

"Yeah, what...wh....wait a minute. What the hell do you *mean*, he's
still not up to it?"

Fox looked up from the paper, knowing exactly who it was that was
calling.

"I don't give a shit *what* he isn't up to," Alex snarled. "You drag
his sorry little ass out of bed, prop him up in a chair, and *make*
him finish this!"

"Ah, shit." Fox dropped the newspaper and tried to get Alex's
attention, but the younger man had shoved himself away from the
table and was now pacing impatiently.

"Oh, you can't? Well, hang on. I'll be there in about half an hour
and we'll *see*."

Fox leapt from his seat and snatched the phone from Alex with one
hand and clamped the other around the younger man's forearm. As he
dug in his heels to keep Alex from dragging him along into the
living room, he brought the phone up to his ear.

"Doctor Peters? It's Fox Mulder. What the hell is going on? ...What?
That's...hang on...Alex...baby, wait a minute..."

"No, Fox." Alex finally succeeded in wrenching his arm out of his
lover's grasp. "He's not pulling this bullshit. He's going to hear
me out, and he's going to do it today, as promised!"

"You haven't heard the last of this," Fox rumbled into the phone
then hung up, focusing all his attention on Alex. "Alex," he called,
following on the other man's heels. "Calm down..."

Alex whirled around as he reached the doorway, fixing a manic gaze
on his lover. "Calm? Are you shitting me, Fox? Do you *see* what's
going on, here? They don't *ever* plan on finishing this. Their
*next* step is going to be to sneak back off to wherever the hell
that little fucker came from."

"I don't think so, " Fox reasoned. "If they were going to do that,
they would've done it already. Come on. Come sit down and let me
call Peters back and find out what's going on."

Alex stood shaking his head. "No. No, no, no." He turned again and
took two steps into the next room then stopped and came back.
"Where's my gun?"

"Alex..."

"Where the *fuck's* my gun?"

"What are you going to do?" Fox asked. "Go over there and shoot
them? You'll really get a lot of talking done *that* way."

"At least I'll be doing *something* to make myself feel better."

Fox folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not giving you your gun."

Alex glared at the older man for a number of seconds as if he could
will him to give him his weapon. When Fox stood his ground doing
nothing more than stare back, Alex released a frustrated, window
rattling growl then spun around and stalked out of the room. Fox
rose from his seat and quickly followed.

"Where are you going?"

"The gun would've made it quicker, but I certainly don't *need* it."

Fox beat Alex to the door and blocked the younger man's exit.
"You're not going anywhere."

"Fox, get the hell away from the door."

"No."

"Move!"

"Move me."

Alex wheeled around, clenching his hands in his hair. "Jesus
*Christ*, you're a pain in the ass..."

"Because I'd rather have you snuggled up to me at night instead of
some con named Tiny?"

Alex bowed his head and let out a hard sigh.

Fox approached the younger man and skimmed the line of his jaw with
his knuckles. "Please, Alex? Come and sit down and try to relax. Let
me call Peters."

"What the hell good is it going to do?"

"I won't know that until I try."

A deep frown creased Alex's forehead, and he looked away.

"Baby..." Fox wrapped his arms around the other man and pressed
their cheeks together. "You're too worked up to think straight about
this. You said it yourself."

"Yeah, I'm worked up because of shit like *this*!"

"I *know*." Fox massaged his lover's back and shoulders. "I know.
Please sit and let me talk to the doctor? Maybe I'll be able to get
somewhere with him."

Alex thought for a minute. Maybe Fox *would* be able to accomplish
what he and his temper never would have been able to.

"*Fine*," he said, taking a few steps away from Fox then returning.
"But if you can't, heads are gonna roll."

Fox sighed softly and picked up the phone. Reaching into his wallet
for the doctor's card, he glanced up at Alex, watching him prowl
restlessly around the room. He prayed for a little devine
assistance, dialed the number, then addressed the voice on the other
end.

"Doctor Peters...yeah, it is. Would you tell me, please, what's
going on? Why have you cancelled today's meeting? ...You were
supposed to take care of that yesterday. That's why we cut the
session short. ...How could he have such a big setback after that
brief meeting? I mean, come on, how long have you been working with
him? Nine months. And he's still *this* weak? ...Yeah...I don't...I
don't *care* about that. It's not my concern. *Alex* is my
priority....what? Yeah, I *know* you're Matthew's doctor, but you
said yourself that he needed this confrontation with Alex to recover
completely...well, he hasn't really done that yet, has he? ...Well,
snap him out of it, dammit!" Fox covered his face with one hand.
"Okay, look...you work on him...*work* on him, or I'll go over there
and work on him myself, and I promise you, he won't like it at
all..."

Alex listened to Fox's end of the conversation, knowing that the
older man was making no progress, and his anger began to rise again.
He held himself in check, waiting for Fox to finish before he
exploded.

"...You call it whatever the hell you want. *You* initiated all of
this, doctor. And I'm going to see to it that it's finished, *and*
that Alex doesn't come out the loser. ...What? I think we've been
more than patient. ...Yeah, well I think I'd like to see that for
myself. ...You're wrong, doctor, I'm perfectly capable of judging
his condition, *and* I'm qualified....that's right. Expect to see me
in about two hours. That wasn't a request, doctor. I'll be there in
two hours."

Fox disconnected and tossed the phone down. "He insists that Matthew
is still in no condition to meet with you."

"Yeah, well, fuck what he insists. I'm going over there with you."

"No, babe, let me go alone. You represent too much of a threat to
him. I want to observe him in a calmer situation, okay?"

Alex stared silently at the older man for a moment, trying to rein
in his emotions. Losing the struggle, he reached down to the coffee
table, picked up the oncidium orchid plant he'd bought just a few
weeks ago, and hurled it at the far wall. His lover flinched
slightly but otherwise showed no reaction.

"Son of a bitch!" Alex proceeded to pick up one end of the coffee
table and bang it repetitiously on the hardwood floor.

Fox continued to sit quietly, letting Alex release his frustrations.

"Fucking bullshit!" The younger man dropped the table back to the
floor and paced the length of the room. "Poor Matthew needs a calm,
serene environment, huh? I'll give him a fucking *permanent* calm
environment. Just get that asshole doctor of his out of the room for
two minutes, and I'll show him more calm than he's ever seen in his
life..."

"Alex, this is exactly why I need to go over there alone. We're not
going to get two words out of him with you acting like this."

"Acting like *what*?"

"Like an irrational, crazed lunatic."

Alex's voice increased in volume with each word. "I am not
irrational!"

"No? What would *you* call it?"

"I'm fucking pissed!"

Fox heaved himself out of his chair and walked over to the younger
man. "So am I, babe. But if we both start throwing tantrums..."

"Oh, that's good. Make me sound like a three-year-old."

Fox rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I didn't mean to make it sound
that way. But if I lose my temper the way you have, we'll never get
anywhere with Matthew."

"And that's the thing that really drives me up a goddamn wall," Alex
hissed. "I gotta watch what I say, *how* I say it...I have to adjust
my tone to just the right level, 'cause God forbid the little
shrinking violet should sense any anger and get his fragile feelings
hurt...*fuck* that! What about *my* feelings?"

"Alex..." Fox took the remaining steps necessary to stand face to
face with the enraged man. "Baby, you have to know that your
feelings are *all* I care about in this. I want you to have your
say. I want you to let him have it with both barrels, and I don't
give a shit *how* badly it affects him. But to do that, he's got to
*listen* to you, and according to Doctor Peters, he's got himself
worked into a state where he's simply tuned everything out. So tell
me what good it would do for you to go over there right now and
start screaming at him."

Alex's clenched his fingers in his hair and bowed his head. "I
*hate* it when you make sense."

Fox pulled the younger man into his arms and kissed the top of the
sable head. "Promise me you'll stay here while I'm gone?"

Silence.

Fox drew back a bit and cast a chastising gaze at his lover.
"Alex..."

"All *right*." Alex released a long, hard sigh, then repeated in a
softer, somewhat calmer tone, "All right."

"Thank you." Fox led Alex over to the sofa and lowered him into it.
He took a seat beside the younger man and draped an arm across his
shoulders as Alex curled into his side."Hey."

Muffled, "What?"

"I'll make you a deal."

"What deal?"

"If you can behave yourself and just do this my way, I promise you
I'll spend a whole weekend doing everything *your* way."

Alex lifted his head and looked up into Fox's eyes. "Meaning?"

Fox gave him a leering grin. "Meaning whatever you want it to mean."

A slow grin spread across the younger man's face. "You sure about
that?"

"I'll probably live to regret it, but yeah, I'm sure."

"You're suggesting this just to pacify me."

"Is it working?"

"Yeah."

"I figured it would."

"It doesn't mean I'm easy, you know."

"No, sweetheart, of course it doesn't."

Alex pushed the older man over onto his side. "That wasn't *too*
condescending."

Fox righted himself and planted a hard kiss on his lover's mouth.
"Well that last comment was either one of a seriously delusional
man, or a consummate liar."

Alex gave his lover a haughty snort. "Don't you have someplace you
need to be?"

"Yeah, but I told Peters two hours. So that gives me about
forty-five minutes to kill."

"Wanna finish reading the paper?" Alex looked over to the bits of
broken clay and orchid all over the floor. "I gotta clean that up
anyway."

Fox smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

Alex kissed the older man's jaw and pulled himself to his feet.
"I'll get it for you." He disappeared into the kitchen and came back
just a few minutes later with the newspaper and a dustpan and brush.
He handed the paper to Fox then tidied up the mess, despairing over
the loss of his plant.

"Why'd you let me throw *this* one?" he moaned, cradling his mangled
orchid as he carried it toward the kitchen. "You know how long I've
looked for a really nice oncidium."

Fox flipped the paper down and stared at the other man. "You're
kidding, right?"

Alex frowned in answer and walked out of the room, returning minutes
later. He dropped down on the sofa beside the other man, sitting
quietly until Fox spoke again from behind the paper.

"So, are we going to have to go shopping for a new coffee table,
too?"

Alex looked from Fox to the table and back again. "*No*..."

"You sure? I thought I heard some cracking when you were slamming it
up and down."

"I didn't *slam* it."

"Okay..."

Alex sat staring at the table for a number of seconds before
dropping to his knees and checking it out.

"Shit."

"Yes?"

"Okay, it's a little cracked at the joints underneath."

"Mmm hmm."

Alex rose from his knees and slouched back onto the sofa, crossing
his arms across his chest. "I was sick of this table anyway..."

"Right."

"Been thinking about looking for something else..."

"All worked out for the best, then."

Alex glared unseen at the face still camouflaged by paper. "*Yell*
at me, dammit!"

Once again, Fox lowered the paper and looked at the other man.
"Why?"

"Because I acted like an idiot! Adults don't throw tantrums..."

"I said the word tantrum a little while ago, and you got mad at me."

"Because I was still being irrational. It *was* a tantrum, and it
was stupid."

Fox dropped the paper and pulled Alex against him. "You're
frustrated," he said softly. "It's better for you to let it out than
keep it all bottled up. I've seen what you keeping it to yourself
does. Believe me, I'd rather replace a few pieces of furniture than
find you the way I did a few weeks ago."

At a sudden loss for words, Alex stared at Fox for a time then
leaned into his embrace, tucking his head under his lover's chin.
The two men sat that way, in silence, basking in each other's warmth
until Fox determined it was time for him to go.

Alex walked his lover to the door and, promising the older man that
he would stay put, watched as Fox got into his car and drove away.
He closed the door and walked back into the living room, standing in
the middle of the floor, looking around and drumming on his thighs.

Patience. A highly exaggerated word.

Alex snorted and walked over the sofa, dropping down to the
cushions. A soft snuffling sound attracted his attention, and he
reached down, scratching the top of Clyde's head.

"Where you been, buddy?"

The dog began to whine and laid his head in his master's lap.

"Hiding out until all the noise stopped? Sorry, Clyde, I wasn't mad
at you. Wasn't mad at Fox either, even though it might have sounded
that way." Alex sighed softly, looking into concerned brown eyes.
"Guess I've been acting pretty crazy, huh? Didn't mean to. And I
sure as hell didn't mean to hurt either of you." He scratched the
underside of the dog's chin. "I love you guys. You're my family."

Clyde licked Alex's wrist, his tail swinging in a lazy arc, and Alex
smiled.  "Know what? You're more help than any psychologist." He
leaned in, kissing the top of the dog's head. "Don't tell Fox I said
that." Rising from the sofa, he clapped his hands and Clyde
followed. "Come on, it's a nice day. Let's go for a walk."

********************

The hotel room door swung open, and Doctor Peters peered out at the
man in the hall.

"Mr. Mulder."

Fox nodded and entered as the doctor stepped aside. "Where is he?"
he asked, looking around the room as he walked in.

"Matthew is in his room," Peters explained, motioning to the
adjoining door. "I've been talking to him since we spoke earlier."

"And?"

"I'm very sorry. Matthew had been doing so well at home. I thought
he was ready for a confrontation with Mr. Krycek."

"He seemed ready enough *before* Alex started to have his say," Fox
pointed out.

"Yes, this is very true. And I reminded him that in order to put
this part of his life to rest, he *must* allow Alex to speak. But as
I said to you on the phone, Mr. Mulder, I'm his doctor. I cannot and
will not force him to do anything he doesn't feel he's able to do.
I'm sure you'll agree that it would be counterproductive to our
progress."

"I agree with the statement, doctor," Fox said softly. "But as I
told *you* on the phone, Alex's well being is *my* concern. Just as
you believe that Matthew needs to complete this, I believe that Alex
does as well. And as you have already witnessed, he's not the most
patient of men. He wants this over with so he can finally get on
with his life."

"Yes, I did get the impression that he was impatient and quite
bitter. I don't blame him in the least, I'm merely saying that it
isn't helping Matthew's emotional condition any. And if Matthew is
in no shape to hear him out, it helps neither of them."

Fox studied the doctor coolly. "I'd like to see him."

Peters nodded. "I told him you were coming. He gave no reaction
either way, so..."

Fox folded his arms over his chest and waited.

The doctor started for the door that connected their rooms. "Let me
see if he'll see you." He knocked softly and called Matthew's name,
then opened the door and passed through it.

Fox followed quietly, having no intention of waiting for the young
man to refuse to see him.

"Matthew," Peters called to the man standing by the window. "Mr.
Mulder is here to see you."

No response.

"You remember that I told you a couple of hours ago that he was
coming."

"I remember," Matthew said softly. "Do I have to see him?"

"Yes, you do."

Both Matthew and the doctor looked in the direction of the door.

Ignoring the other man's warning look, Fox moved forward, passing
Peters and coming to stand in front of the frightened young man.

"Your doctor says you're not up to finishing this thing with Alex."

Matthew blinked and averted his gaze.

"You owe him, Matthew," Fox said in his low, monotone. "What
happened to you was nothing short of horrific, but it in no way
negates what happened to him."

"I know," Matthew whispered miserably. "I have awful nightmares
about it. I wonder every day if what I did will somehow turn me into
someone...something...like Justin."

"Not if you're feeling guilt over it. Saint James was a man who felt
no remorse. I don't believe that's true of you."

"Alex does."

"No, Alex believes you're a weakling. He abhors weakness. And this
is a big part of the problems he's having now. He's always been very
strong. Very in control. Saint James took all of that out of his
hands, and he needs to have it out with you in order to regain what
was robbed from him."

"But, I...I apologized for my part in it. Over and over. He won't
accept it."

"Alex needs the same thing you needed," Fox explained evenly. "He
needs to talk it out...or yell, or whatever he needs to do to get
everything off his chest. And *you* need to sit there and listen to
it. You haven't done that, Matthew, but guess what?" Fox moved a
little closer and spoke a little more softly. "You're going to."

"I can't, I...I feel so bad..."

He hadn't moved from the spot in which he stood, but Doctor Peters
cocked his head, straining to hear what was being said while he
carefully gauged his patient's reactions to the other man.

"This isn't just about you," Fox hissed, patience fading a bit.
"You're not going to come here, cry about what you went through with
Saint James, then blow back out without hearing what Alex has to
say. It's not happening that way, Matthew. I'm not *letting* it
happen that way."

"Matthew? Are you all right?"

The frightened young man tore his eyes from the hard, amber gaze and
looked to his doctor, but Fox's voice drew him right back.

"Say yes, Matthew."

Matthew blinked. Something in the man's voice told him he had no
choice but to obey.

"Y-yes. I'm...I'm okay."

"Very good. Now, pay attention," Fox continued in a tone that only
the man in front of him could hear. "You're going to see Alex.
You're going to see him today. You're going to sit your skinny
little ass down in a chair...you're not going to zone out on
him...you're not going to start whimpering like a damn puppy, I
don't care how mad he is. You. Owe. Him. And I'm here to see that
you pay up in full."

Matthew stared up into mesmerizing, gilded eyes, trying to get some
intelligent sound to come from his mouth, but Fox cut him off before
he could speak.

"If you're going to tell me you can't again, don't bother. I'm not
listening. And don't you dare try to take off before I get back here
with Alex. You'll do as I say, or I swear, Matthew, on all that's
holy, I'll find you. Wherever you run to, I'll track you down. I
found Alex, remember? So don't think I won't be able to find you.
And I when I do, I guarantee you, you'll *never* be that unhappy
again. Got me?"

Quaking, Matthew nodded then lowered his head.

"Good. I'm leaving now, but I'll be back soon. If you cooperate,
this'll all be over today. That's gotta be of some comfort to you.
Hold on to it." Fox turned and headed back in the doctor's
direction.

"What did you say to him?" Peters asked as the two men passed from
one room into the next. "Did you threaten my patient?"

Fox shrugged. "I simply explained to him in a way which you could
not, that he really needed to hear Alex out and get this settled
once and for all."

"Meaning, you threatened him."

"*Meaning*, I put all those psych classes I took at Oxford to use
and assessed the situation. I then used the method I thought most
effective, and convinced *your* patient to do what was best for
himself *and* Alex. I apparently succeed where you, doctor, had
failed."

"He agreed to see Mr. Krycek?"

"Yes."

"Of course, you realize, Mr. Mulder, that the moment you leave, I'm
going to go talk to him and find out what exactly you discussed."

"Go right ahead. In the meantime, I'm going home. I'll be back
shortly with Alex."

Without another word, Fox strolled out of the room, leaving Doctor
Peters to stare after him for a moment before turning on his heel
and heading back to Matthew's room.

********************

"Mulder."

"Hey, Mulder, where are you?"

"On my way home."

"Oh...is the meeting over?" "It never took place."

"What?"

"But it's going to. I'm on my way to pick Alex up now and go over to
the kid's hotel."

"You sound a bit intense, Mulder. Did something happen?"

"Yeah. Peters tried to get Matthew out of seeing Alex today, saying
that he was in no shape to talk, and I went over there."

"Uh oh. Where's Alex?"

"Home."

"Home...he's okay?"

"Not hardly. He went ballistic, and I knew there was no way he could
go over there in that state and not kill the kid. I managed to get
him to stay put while I went over to the hotel and took care of
things."

"And obviously you did..."

"Yeah. I convinced Matthew to get this over with today. It wasn't a
walk in the park, but..."

"Did you keep your weapon holstered, Mulder?"

"Of course. Why would you ask?"

"Because while you're not exactly Alex, you can flip out just as
easily as he can in certain situations. I can see where this would
definitely be one of those times."

"I was very cool."

"Uh huh."

"I *was*."

"Yeah, Mulder, I can see it now. You scared the hell out of that
boy, didn't you?"

"I might have left him a little disconcerted."

"I'm *very* sure. "

"Look, Scully, I did what I had to do to make this meeting happen.
Alex is my first, last, and only concern in this."

"I know. Believe me, I'm not chastising you. I probably would have
wanted to slap him around a bit had I been there, but I'm just
thinking. What makes you think that he'll be there when you get
back?"

"He'll be there," Fox answered with certainty.

"Oh, God, there's that tone. Okay, Mulder, do me a favor and call me
later. I want to know how it went."

"All right, Scully. Listen, I'm pulling up to the house now, so I'll
talk to you later...yeah, okay...bye."

Fox disconnected and rolled up into the driveway. He cut the motor
and exited the car, walking up to the front door. Just as he was
inserting his key into the lock, Clyde's bark turned him around. He
smiled as from a block away, Alex let the dog off his lead, and
Clyde bounded up the sidewalk and headed straight for him. He
dropped down, petting and ruffling the dog's fur as he waited for
Alex to reach them. The younger man walked up, and Fox stood to meet
his eyes.

"How'd it go?" Alex asked, leaning in for a quick kiss.

"Like I expected," Fox answered in his usual deadpan tone.

"Well, you tried," Alex sighed, opening the door and letting the dog
in. "Now it's my turn."

"Whoa, Alex. No. I said it went how *I* expected, not how *you*
expected. Let's go. They're waiting."

Alex paused, studying the triumphant glint in his lover's eyes. "You
got him to agree to finish it?"

"Yeah," Fox answered matter-of-factly.

"Wow."

Fox treated the younger man to a tiny smile. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Alex said softly. "Yeah, in a minute. Let me just go get
Clyde some water and change."

Fox followed Alex into the house and waited for the approximately
twenty minutes it took him to shower and change, and they left the
house shortly afterward.

The trip was spent mostly in silence until Alex cleared his throat
and spoke up.

"So, how did you get Matthew to agree?"

Fox shrugged nonchalantly. "I sorta took a page from your book."

"Huh?"

"A little gentle...persuasion."

A slow grin lit Alex's face. "You didn't."

"I didn't touch him," Fox broke in. "I just convinced him that he
needed to see you today."

Alex shook his head, smiling. "I love you when you're evil."

"What about the rest of the time?"

"Always."

Fox turned into the hand that had risen to his face and pressed a
soft kiss into the palm, then turned his attention back to the road.

They made the rest of the trip in a more comfortable silence, but
when they arrived in the parking lot of the hotel, Fox sensed Alex's
returning tension. As they exited the car, he took the younger man's
hand, holding it securely in his own, and brushed a kiss across the
knuckles.

Alex closed his eyes for a moment, drawing on his lover's strength,
and the two strode into the building. As the elevator carried them
to Matthew's floor, Fox leaned in and kissed the side of Alex's neck
then whispered into his ear.

"You got something in mind for the weekend yet?"

"No," Alex purred, grateful for the intentional distraction. "But
you'll be the first to know when I..."

//I've got a thought. Why don't you chain him to your bed and whip
him?//

Alex squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head.

"Babe?"

//That's always good fun. And how about asking Matthew to perform
the same service on him that he did on you?//

"Stop," Alex whispered, the veins at the sides of his head bulging
with the force he used to clench his teeth together.

"Alex..."

//Then you'd be even. It's the least you could do for betraying
him...//

"I didn't!"

The doors swished open, and Fox led Alex out and sat him in the
nearest chair. "Alex? You didn't what?"

The younger man's silence prompted him to ask another question.

"Are you hearing his voice again?"

Alex nodded then lifted his head, meeting his lover's concerned
eyes. "Let's do this," he whispered thickly. "I have to end it
*now*."

Fox nodded and backed up a few steps to allow Alex the room to
stand.

The first few steps were a bit unsteady, but very soon Alex picked
up momentum, regaining his balance and composure. They reached their
destination, and he knocked at the door, breathing deeply. Several
seconds passed before the door opened, and when it did, the somber
face of Doctor Peters looked out at them. Alex blew past him without
so much as a hello, and Fox stepped inside, meeting the other man's
gaze.

"Matthew refused to say, but I know you did something. You said
something to coerce him into doing this."

"Well, obviously," Fox answered blandly, "or we wouldn't be here,
would we?"

"I mean something unethical."

Fox opened his mouth to answer, but his reply was cut off by Alex's
voice, impatient and angry.

"Where the hell is he?"

"In his room," the doctor replied, moving to the door. "I'll get
him." Giving Fox one last suspicious glare, he knocked softly and
opened the door. "Matthew? They're here."

Fox watched Alex closely, taking in the aggressive stance and heavy
rise and fall of his chest, and knew this wasn't going to be pretty.
He just hoped he could prevent any shedding of blood.

Matthew inched into the room, eyes cast downward, and stopped a few
feet in front of the door.

"Come in, Matthew," Peters coaxed softly. "Sit down and make
yourself comfortable. In fact, why don't we all have a seat?"

Alex remained standing, watching the young man as he shuffled to a
chair and lowered himself into it.

"Alex?"

His attention turned to the doctor.

"Please sit?"

"I don't want to."

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable?"

"No."

"Well, I certainly think Matthew would be a little more at ease if
you assumed a less hostile position."

Alex looked from Peters to Fox. "Is he kidding?" His head snapped
back to the other man. "I don't give a shit how *Matthew* interprets
my position. Let's just get on with this already."

"Mr. Mulder, would you please..."

Fox held both hands up and moved over to the sofa where he took a
seat. "He doesn't want to sit. What do you want me to do?" He gave
Alex a tiny smile then nodded. "Say what you came to say, baby."

Alex paced slowly for what Matthew must have thought was hours
before he opened his mouth and began to speak.

"You made me sit through your life story," he spat, eyes smoldering
an angry green, "now you're going to sit through mine."

Matthew sank deeper into his chair.

"Like you, I had a decent childhood. No fairy tale, but all right.
It didn't all start going to hell till I was in my late teens. I'd
never have told my parents about myself. They'd have gone nuts. So,
when a friend and I were beaten and raped after a party one night, I
kept my mouth shut about it. Explained away the cuts and bruises as
the results of a fight." Alex shrugged. "I lived with it. Just me,
myself and I. Nothing else I *could* do.

"My mother died in a car accident not long afterward, then my
grandmother, whom I loved dearly died a couple of years after that.
My father became very withdrawn, and I left home. Joined the FBI
Academy after college. I won't go into detail, but it was one stupid
decision after another after that, and I sank deeper and deeper into
some really bad shit. The worse it got, the easier it was for me to
say, fuck it. It's never going to get any better, so why even try to
put it right? Then about four years ago, it all did an about face.
Fox and I found each other.

"We'd actually known each other before that, but I was still in my
destructive phase, and we didn't exactly see eye to eye. But one
weird night brought us together in a way I'd dreamed a lot about but
never thought was possible." Alex's gaze softened as he looked
toward his seated lover. "We hit some rough patches but they all
smoothed out, and for the first time ever I knew what it was to be
really happy.

"See, I had a *life*." He turned back to the younger man. "I had
someone who loved me without question...without exception or
conditions, and after the life I had been living, this was an
amazing thing to me.

"Fox saved my life. He made me believe that I was somebody worth
loving, and I can never be grateful enough for that. And sometimes I
look at him, and I think...I think that I can never love him enough.
I can never give him all the love he deserves no matter how hard I
try or how much I want to. But I go on trying. I might fall short
once in a while, but I try so hard..."

Unable to stay in his seat, Fox rose and walked slowly over to his
lover. He let his fingertips drift down Alex's cheek then pulled the
younger man against him. "You've never fallen short," he whispered,
petting Alex's head before pulling away and kissing the other man's
forehead. "Never." He backed away but did not reclaim his seat on
the sofa. Instead, he leaned against the windowsill, keeping within
a comforting few feet of his lover.

Alex stood quietly, momentarily lost in the warmth of Fox's gaze,
then he turned back to Matthew, making sure that the young man was
paying attention. He pointed to Fox, a distinct chill replacing the
warmth. "This is my whole life. This is what Saint James tried to
destroy."

Alex prowled around to the front of Matthew's chair, eyes burning
into the younger man's. "He..." The sable head shook in enduring
disbelief. "...he *planned* it all out. See, Fox and I had met him
in a club in the Bahamas. But unlike you, we wanted nothing to do
with him and let him know. We never dreamed we'd see him again. But
he saw Fox in New York last year, and he followed him back to
Washington. He bought the house next door to us. *Watched* us...our
comings and goings...he sat in the second floor window of that house
with binoculars and watched us making love in our bedroom, all the
while plotting and planning when he was going to make his move.

"He hired people...he had the goddamn nerve to rent a local
carpeting truck, and they came and snatched me from my home while
Fox was at work. When I woke up, I found myself chained to a bed in
a fucking *cage*. That sick fuck had actually had a cage *built* for
me like I was some damn zoo animal." He began to pace again, eyes
never leaving the younger man's face. "He touched me." He stopped
and closed his eyes as if in doing so he could stop his skin from
crawling at the thought. "He put his filthy hands on me, and he told
me I was his. And I couldn't move," he whispered through gritted
teeth. "There was no way to stop him from touching me..."

Matthew lowered his head and shuddered, recalling the sickening feel
of Justin's hands on him.

Alex continued. "You ever have one of those dreams where insects are
crawling over you, and you can't move to swat them away, and you
can't wake up? That's what it felt like. And his voice...when he
spoke...it had the same sickening effect." Alex heaved a long
breath. "He called me...he...he used the nickname that since my
grandmother, only Fox had ever used. And all of a sudden, it wasn't
a sweet or comforting thing. It was vile. It was disgusting. Every
time he said it, I felt like I needed a hot shower." He paused in
front of Fox, leaning into the older man's soothing touch.

"That's how I felt," Matthew added softly, all at once wishing he
had said nothing. Alex whirled around, snarling at him.

"You weren't chained up and caged," Alex hissed. "You could have
gotten away from him if you really wanted to. You didn't even *try*,
you gutless little weasel. *You* made him what he was. Yeah, he was
a rich asshole who thought he could buy everything, but your
weakness gave him strength. It fed him, and he grew into a bigger
monster than he was. If it wasn't for you, he might never have
kidnapped *me*."

Matthew cowered in his chair, wishing with all his heart that he had
never initiated this meeting. But Alex was right. He picked up his
head and tried to meet the furious green gaze.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in a barely audible tone. It *was* my
fault..."

"You're damn right it was," Alex spat. "And you know, if it was just
you...it would have been bad enough, but to watch him do what he did
to someone else. To know that he kidnapped and tortured another
person...and to *participate* in it...that's beyond weak. I...I
don't even know that I've got a word to describe you..."

Matthew again lowered his head. "I didn't want to. Please, please
believe that. It sickened me to do that to you. I knew...from those
few hours I'd spent with you earlier, I could tell how much you
loved Fox, and I knew what it would do to you..."

"You knew," Alex repeated acidly. "It didn't stop you, though, did
it?"

"I told Justin, I...begged him not to make me...but he...he got so
mad...furious. He would have beaten me within an inch of my life if
I didn't."

"He was an old man, for Christ's sake!" Alex bellowed. "There's no
way in hell he could have done anything to you that you didn't
allow. Scrawny as you are, you could have taken him!"

"I couldn't, I..."

"You didn't *want* to!" Alex bit back then stared at the younger
man. "You *liked* it, didn't you?"

"No..."

"Come on, Matthew, admit it. You enjoyed the shit he did to you. You
liked being paraded around in front of his friends, and you enjoyed
the hell out of being passed around amongst them..."

The young man began to cry softly. "I didn't, I...didn't..." "If you
didn't, you wouldn't have let him do it! You would have got the hell
out of there or died trying!" Alex's voice lowered, but the contempt
remained. "But you didn't. And you let him try to do it to me."

Matthew shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I asked him
to let you go. Even though I knew he never would. I tried, Alex, I
swear to God. But he wanted you. And Justin always got anything he
wanted."

"Because wimps like you always laid down in front of him like he was
a fucking god! He was nothing more than a wrinkled old asshole with
the finances to get things done!"

Fox and Doctor Peters watched intently as Alex leaned in close
enough to Matthew that the younger man could feel his breath on his
face.

"Was it the money? Did you think that if you let him have his way,
he'd leave it all to you when he kicked off?"

"N-no..."

Alex's tone turned seductively soft. "Come on, kid. It *had* to be
the money. Why else would you let that old queen do all that shit to
you? Why else would you stay? Couldn't have been the sex. You
couldn't have actually liked having that withered old dick up your
ass, could you? Well, maybe you could. If you enjoyed the beatings
and humiliation...maybe you *are* that sick..."

"No!"

Alex studied the curled up figure of the young man with detached
curiosity. "You're not zoning out on me again, are you Matthew?
Because I promise you, your doctor isn't going to stop me from
making you listen this time."

Seconds passed, and Matthew slowly raised his head from the
protective circle of his arms. He sniffed back a sob and lifted his
chin, doing his best to still his quivering lips. Alex stared at him
for a moment longer then continued to speak.

"You know," he started softly, "it was bad enough he snatched me
from my home. But he left me with nothing when he threw me in that
cage...nothing that represented my life...

"Our first Christmas together, Fox had given me a watch." He
fingered the silver band on his left wrist. "This watch. He had it
inscribed with something very significant, and it meant everything
in the world to me." He showed Matthew the ring on his right hand.
"And this. And Saint James stole them from me while I was
unconscious. He'd stripped away everything connected with my life,
and the only thing I had left was what was in my mind. He tried to
take that too. He tried in every way he knew how to break me down.
The drugs...those fucking merciless beatings...he even tried to
convince me that Fox didn't care enough to look for me, and I think
it pissed him off royally that he was unable to. So, he beat me some
more. And I took it. And I waited. And every chance I got, I showed
him that he would *not* best me."

Fox watched the corner of his lover's mouth twitch and knew that
Alex was recalling the worst few minutes of his ordeal.

"He was a smart man," Alex began, pacing slowly. "I gotta hand it to
the motherfucker. He knew. He knew I'd sooner die than give in to
him, and he knew there was only one thing he could do to punish to
me. And he knew exactly how to deliver the killing blow..."

Alex stopped pacing and turned tortured eyes to the young man. "You
know, I think I would have preferred it if he'd sent four guys in
there to beat and fuck me till I bled as opposed to what he *did*
do." He gave the younger man a scornful smile. "He'd doped me up,
but you know that. I was pretty well out of it...dreaming dreams of
home and my Fox..." In an increasingly agitated move, he began
raking his fingers through his hair and. "And out of nowhere, I felt
this gentle warmth close over my cock..." He closed his eyes,
talking to seemingly no one but himself. "...and I wanted it to be
him...I wanted to stay in that dream. But I couldn't. The more I
woke up, the harder it was to believe. And I...and I got to the
point where I knew...I...I knew it wasn't Fox. But I'd also gotten
to the point where I just couldn't shut it off. As much as I wanted
to, I couldn't..." Alex began to stalk back and forth again,
clenching his hands together.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Matthew whimpered softly. "I know how much it
upset you..."

"Upset me?" Alex stared at the younger man, his voice crackling with
disbelief. "*Upset* me?"

The slam of Alex's fists on one of the end tables startled the other
three men in the room, but all remained silent.

"I was drugged and tortured for fucking *days*, and none of it
*upset* me like coming in another man's mouth did! Do you know what
it feels like to think you've betrayed the only person in the world
you've ever loved?" He pounded one fist against his chest. "It was
like I'd fucking *died*! I was dead, but my goddamn heart was still
beating! It hurt so much, I wanted it to stop. You'd ended my life
with that little stunt, and I just wanted it *over*.

"Fox took such a...a huge chance on me. I still...I don't...I don't
know why, but he did. And believe me, he had no reason in the world
to want to. He opened himself up to me, and...and trusted that I
would always love him and never hurt him. And I did that," he moaned
through gritted teeth. "And it was easy. Easier than I ever could
have dreamed. I'd never fallen in love with anybody in my whole
life. He was my first. And he'll be my last. And his trust, it
meant...it *means* the whole world to me..."

Fox lowered his head and closed his eyes, willing himself to stay
put and keep quiet. Alex needed to get this all out, and this was
the only opportunity he might ever have.

"...And in the span of just a few minutes, it was all blown to
hell." Alex trembled with the effort it took to hold himself
upright. "I had just let another man do to me what no other man
should ever have been able to do. I...I drove myself crazy wondering
how it happened. How it could have continued even after I realized
it wasn't him. I felt like I *should* have been able to stop it. And
that I couldn't, it was so...I felt like fucking *dirt*. S-so
unworthy of his love and his trust..."

A tear rolled unseen down Fox's cheek. He knew that Alex had felt
this way, but to listen to him say the words...to hear the anguish
in his voice as he spoke them, ripped his heart in two. He clasped
his hands together and let his head drop lower as Alex continued.

"...When I woke up in the hospital, he was the first thing I saw. He
was crying...and he was smiling, and I was so relieved to be back
with him. I knew he'd find me..." Alex took a deep, stuttering
breath. "And when the initial euphoria faded, and it all came down
on me a few minutes later, I was sick. The shame was...God, it was
unbelievable. There he was...so happy that he'd found me...thinking
that everything was going to be all right again, and he had no
idea." Alex shook his head, staring straight through the young man.
"No idea how I'd betrayed him..."

"You...you didn't betray him, Alex," Matthew ventured to speak. "It
happened just like you said yesterday. You were violated. Raped. You
didn't want it, and that's what it amounts to."

"Yeah," Alex hissed. "That *is* what it amounts to. But after days
of not eating and being pumped full of drugs and Saint James's own
special brand of TLC, I was pretty damn fucked up." He turned and
looked to his silent lover. "But even after he found out what had
happened...he never moved from my side. He kept reassuring me and
telling me that he loved me and that nothing that happened could
ever change that. He wanted to take me home. All the shit that had
been dumped on him, and he still wanted me...and I...I felt worse. I
needed him so much, and yet I felt that I didn't deserve him, but I
couldn't...I just wanted to cling to him and block everything else
out. I couldn't though."

Matthew cringed at the icy change in Alex's tone.

"I couldn't keep it out. It played over and *over* again in my head.
I tried. I tried so hard to make it go away, but it wouldn't." He
bit into his lower lip, squeezing his hands together, and his voice
crackled with self-loathing. "Little by little I felt my control
slipping away, and not long after I got back home, I tried to kill
Fox."

Matthew turned shocked eyes up to the older man.

Alex drew in a shaky breath. "He talked to me. Saint James. Came to
me in my dreams, talking all kinds of shit. And one night..." He
paused, blinking away the sudden sting of tears. "One night I was
having a really bad nightmare, and Fox tried to wake me. I wrapped
my hands around his throat and tried to choke the life of out him. I
was still dreaming ...I thought he was Saint James, and I almost
killed him. Our dog came into the room, and his barking woke me." He
shook his head, eyes glued on the seated man. "I can't...I can't
begin to explain what it felt like...to suddenly wake up and find
myself strangling the only man I've ever loved. To listen to him
wheezing and gasping for breath...and to have to look at the marks
my fingers left on his throat the next morning..."

"I didn't know," Matthew croaked. "I didn't..."

"You didn't know what?" Alex whispered, hatred dripping from each
word. "You didn't know how badly you and your master had fucked me
up? Well, surprise, surprise. And you know what? I didn't do it just
once. Oh, no, no. A short time later, I almost shot him. I held a
gun to his face and almost blew his head off." He turned glistening
eyes to Fox. "And here he is. All that I've done to him...all that
I've put him through, and he's still here." He turned back to
Matthew. "He's the only thing that keeps me from killing you, in
case you didn't know it...and he's the reason that I want to. But
instead," he said flatly, "I'll content myself with this...*talking*
thing. It's hard, though, you know? I look at you and all I want to
do is rip your heart out and shove it down your throat. I want to
beat you until your own mother doesn't recognize you. I'm
restraining myself only for Fox. So, you have him to thank for your
life."

Matthew shivered and lowered his head, knowing just how serious Alex
was.

"I'm still not in control. You don't know what I took for me to
finally admit that. For so long I thought I was. I insisted.
Vehemently. And every time Fox told me I wasn't, I'd blow up at him.
I didn't want to hear it. Not from anybody, and especially not from
him, because if he said it to me, it must have been the truth. And
the truth was...it was just..." Alex took a deep breath and exhaled
slowly.

"I couldn't be what he was telling me I was. The man he'd fallen in
love with was strong and self-assured...and *sane*. That wasn't who
had come back from Connecticut, and I couldn't stand it. I hated
myself for not being able to be that man for him. And so my
frustrations and my fears came out as denial and anger." He looked
to Fox again, meeting the beautiful, sad, hazel gaze. "He doesn't
deserve my anger. It belongs to Saint James." He refocused on the
young man, his tone sounding much like coarse sandpaper. "And it
belongs to you. I won't fuck up our life. And I *won't* lose him. I
can't...I couldn't lose him and live. And so here I am, looking at
your goddamn face...something I swore I'd never do again. And I'm
reliving shit I'd much rather forget, all in the hopes of finally
cleansing myself of the fucking memories...those goddamn voices. I
want them gone. I want you and Saint James *gone*. All the guilt,
all the insecurities...I want to be who I was. Completely and
totally, one hundred percent *me*."

"Everything that happens in our lives affects us, Alex," Doctor
Peters interjected softly. "You can't be exactly who you were
before. And that's what you have to work on accepting."

Alex shot the man a withering glare, but before he could respond,
Fox reached out, closing his fingers around the younger man's wrist.

"He's right to an extent, baby," he said soothingly. "We're always
changing, and events in our lives sometimes play a big part in how
much. It depends on who we are to begin with. You..." Fox pulled
Alex closer, now holding both of his hands. "...You're a strong,
willful, dynamic man who's been through hell, and it set you back.
What happened to you would screw up a lesser man for years to come
if not for the rest of his life." He glanced at Matthew, making his
point. "But in the end, *you'll* be stronger. That's how it'll
ultimately change *you*. You've taken a huge step today toward
making that happen, and I'm so proud of you. But, Alex, you have to
know that no matter how this had turned out, you would never lose
me."

Alex focused a glassy green stare on the man in front of him then
seconds later took a few steps forward, melting into Fox's embrace.

Fox held his lover tightly, tenderly petting the head that rested on
his shoulder while Peters watched in silent interest.

"I'm tired, lisa," Alex whispered, clinging to his lover's
shoulders. "I want to go home now."

Fox nodded, kissing the back of the younger man's head. "Do you
think you've said everything you wanted to say?"

Alex lifted his head and looked over at the huddled form on the
chair. He paused for a moment, then spoke.

"This is over."

Fox studied Alex for a number of seconds before nodding and pushing
away from the window sill. Pulling the younger man into his side, he
glanced over at the doctor. "We're through. You can leave now."

Peters rose to his feet and looked over at his patient. "Matthew?
Matthew, they're leaving. Is there anything else you'd like to say
first?"

"I don't give a shit whether or not he's got more to say," Alex
spat. "He's said enough."

As Alex spoke, Matthew picked himself up out of his chair and walked
over to the two men, stopping a few feet away. "Umm, I...I
just....goodbye, Alex. I uh...I hope that you find this helped
you...even if just a little...I think...I think it might have helped
me even if it does hurt so much right now..."

Alex, turned his head, directing a blank stare at the young man. "Go
home," he whispered wearily then looked to his right, meeting his
lover's eyes. "I'm going home."

Fox returned Alex's gaze, noting extreme fatigue but also a tiny
flicker of something else. Something he couldn't quite put his
finger on. He planted a soft kiss on the younger man's forehead and
turned to the doctor. "We're out of here."

Peters looked from one man to the other. "Just another minute if I
might...Alex?"

Alex's eyes lifted to the doctor's. "*What*?"

"Do you think that forgiveness is possible?"

"For who?" Alex looked to the younger man then back at Peters.
"Him?"

"It would help Matthew a great deal...and you too, I think."

"So, let me get this straight." Alex drew himself up, eyes once
again sparkling with anger. "You want me to pat little Matthew here
on the head and tell him it's okay that he did what he did to me?"

"No, of course it wasn't okay. It was very wrong. He knows that. He
knew it when he did it. But you don't seem to want to understand
that he did it because he was afraid for his life..."

"Oh, no," Alex cut in. "You're dead wrong. I'd love to understand.
I'm *dying* to understand. I *can't* understand."

Peters nodded once then directed his next words at Fox. "Are you
planning on seeking further counseling? I think it would be
advisable..."

"Do me a favor, okay, and go *advise* your patient," Alex sniped
before Fox could respond. "There's plenty of condemnation in the
world, and not everyone feels the need to see an analyst about it."

Peters nodded. "Very true. But I think you should keep your options
open. Just in case you feel the need in the future to speak to
someone. And for what it's worth, I truly believe that if you were
able to forgive Matthew or at the very least understand him, you'd
find that you'd feel so much better."

Alex shook his head. "You know what would make me feel better? Five
minutes alone with him. But since that's not going to happen, the
two of you on a plane will have to suffice. Now...I'm done with
this. Forget your stupid notion that I should forgive this little
prick, pack your bags, grab the first flight back home, and get the
hell out of my life."

Before anyone else could say a word, Alex moved toward the exit with
Fox in tow, and threw the door open.

"Think about it, Alex...give it a little time, and I think you'll
come to realize..."

The rest of the doctor's words died in his throat as Fox spun
around, turning a glittering amber glare on him.

"What part of 'I'm done with this' didn't you understand?" he
rumbled softly. "Go back to where you came from and take care of
your patient."

"And who will take care of Alex?" Peters persisted.

"I will."

"Forgive me, Mr. Mulder, but how successful have you been so far? No
offense, but you're too close. Too emotionally involved."

Fox hesitated for a brief instant, then, poise securely in place, he
offered the doctor a mirthless smile. "Yes, I am emotionally
involved. And therefore, I have much more invested in his recovery
than billable hours."

Unable to come up with a suitable response, the doctor fell silent
and watched as Fox wound an arm around Alex and guided him into the
hall and away.

"Well, Matthew," Peters began softly, closing the door and turning
to his patient, "we did the best we could with what we had. Do you
feel it was enough?"

"More than enough," the young man murmured, still shivering in the
aftermath of Alex's anger.

"I know it was very painful for you...for both of you."

Matthew nodded and whispered, "I deserved to hear it, though. All of
it. As much as I didn't want to...as hateful as he was, I'm glad I
did it. I owed him that much. He *would* have killed me, you
know...if he could have."

"I don't believe that. Yes, he's angry, but..."

"You weren't at Justin's," Matthew interrupted. "He killed those men
with no regret. It didn't matter that they were just following
orders. Nothing mattered. He'd been kidnapped from his home. He was
separated from the only thing that mattered in his life, and it
drove him up the walls. He was like..." Matthew paused, looking for
a proper comparison. "Imagine capturing a wildcat, caging it in a
strange place, then poking at it with sticks and rattling its cage
constantly. Imagine the fury...

"To his mind, everyone in that house was involved in keeping him
prisoner, and so he lashed out at whoever he could. I'm the only one
he talked to. The only one he was civil with, and like he said, what
I did to him was worse than anything that had happened. And now, I'm
the only living reminder of that. Of *course* he'd like to kill me."

"You're a very understanding young man, Matthew. And quite
sensitive. I'm very sorry we couldn't make Alex see that."

"It's all right," Matthew shrugged resignedly. "It doesn't matter
what he thinks of me. I came, and I did what I needed to do. I just
hope that somehow, he's able to make peace with it." Matthew moved
in the direction of his own room and stopped at the door. "I'd like
to follow his wishes and leave here as soon as possible."

Peters nodded. "I'll call the airline."

"Thank you."

Matthew slipped quietly from the room.

********************

Green eyes darted back and forth, watching the scenery roll by. His
left leg bounced in an erratic rhythm, keeping time with the
thoughts ricocheting through his head.

"Why don't you close your eyes and try to relax?"

Fox's soft words turned his head, and he looked at the older man.
"Do you believe that shit?"

"What shit?"

"That, 'why don't you forgive poor little Matthew' shit. Why the
hell should I?"

Silent shrug.

"Damn right," Alex snorted. "Seems like you and I were the only sane
people in that room."

"Well," Fox responded in that soothing monotone, "it actually wasn't
Matthew asking for forgiveness. I think *he* knows how impossible
that is for you."

"And damn, fuckin' well he *should* know." Alex turned back to the
window, muttering more to himself than to Fox. "Come fuck with me
then ask for forgiveness? He'd *have* to be out of his mind."

"Yep."

The sable head snapped back. "I mean...do *you* think he deserves
forgiveness?"

Fox inhaled deeply then let the breath out. "He messed you up bad,
Alex. I love you, and truthfully, no. I can't forgive him."

Alex nodded sharply at the validation and once more turned toward
the window.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you close your eyes? Rest, okay? You're pretty wound up."

Alex attempted to do as Fox suggested, but seconds later, his eyes
flickered open.

"And that doctor...Porter..."

"Peters."

"*He* needed a good ass whipping."

"He did irritate me a few times," Fox agreed, reaching out a hand to
stroke his lover's head. "C'mon, close you're eyes."

Again, Alex's eyes drifted shut. He sighed softly, letting Fox
soothe him a bit. "Should've killed him in the hospital when I had
the chance," he muttered softly.

"Mmm hmm."

"Goddamn spineless little weasel..."

"Shhh."

Finally, Alex fell silent, and the knot between his eyebrows
gradually faded and disappeared. Fox continued to lightly massage
the back of his head while kept the Porsche on a steady track for
home, and when at last he pulled into the garage, he leaned over and
gently roused the napping man.

"Alex."

"Hmm? What?"

"Come, on wake up. We're home."

Alex blinked and groaned. "Already?"

"Yeah. Let's go. You can go right back to sleep once we get into the
house."

Fox helped the younger man out of the car and led him into the
house. Followed closely by Clyde, he walked Alex into the bedroom
and let him sink down onto the bed. He pulled off the other man's
shirt, shoes and socks, then sat down on the edge of the mattress as
Alex turned onto his side, burrowing into one of the pillows. He let
one hand drift over his lover's back and shoulders, attempting to
coax him back into sleep.

"Feel like I've been dragged for miles," Alex moaned, luxuriating in
Fox's touch.

"Go to sleep," Fox purred softly into Alex's ear. "When you wake up,
you'll feel a lot better."

"Why, did you plant a bomb in Matthew's luggage?"

"Go to sleep," Fox repeated a little more firmly, planting a tender
kiss on the younger man's temple.

Mere seconds later, Alex was softly snoring. Fox sat a while longer,
unwilling to immediately relinquish contact with the warm skin
beneath his wandering hand. He studied the sleeping man for a while,
then, brushing a breath of a kiss over the bare shoulder, he arose
and exited the room.

********************

"Hello?"

"It's me."

"Hey, how'd it go?"

"It was no walk in the park, I'll tell you that."

Scully groaned into the phone. "Alex didn't try to kill the kid, did
he?"

"No. Not that he wouldn't have loved to. It was just emotionally
exhausting. In fact, he's asleep right now."

"Do you think it did him any good?"

There was a slight pause before Fox answered. "Not entirely."

"Which means?"

"It was good for him to be able to confront Matthew. He needed to do
that. But he needs to let go of the anger, and he can't seem to. I
think he *knows* he needs to, but he's at war with himself over it."

"Are you suggesting that he should forgive Matthew?"

"No. God, no. There's a better chance of you marrying Frohike and
having his kids."

Soft snort.

"No, I'm just suggesting that he needs to acknowledge that Matthew
truly felt he had no choice in what he did. He can't reconcile
himself with that. He would have sooner died than done anything
Saint James wanted, and he can't see why Matthew or *anyone*
wouldn't feel the same way. That's what he's got to do. He's got to
allow himself to realize that it isn't a betrayal of himself or me
to simply understand the kid's state of mind. I don't mean to make
it sound like I'm sympathizing with Matthew. I'm not. I just
understand how it is he ended up in the position that he did. Of
course, that doesn't in any way diminish my very strong desire to
beat the shit out of him."

"So, what are you going to do to help him in the right direction?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"He'll find his own way."

"But Mulder, what if he doesn't? You can't just do *nothing*."

"I trust him, Scully," Fox said with soft resignation. "He'll come
around, and he'll do what's right."

"Okay, you know what you're doing..."

"Yes, I do."

"I guess..."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Scully chuckled at the amused tone in her partner's voice. "Anytime.
Hey, you guys want to go out later for dinner?"

"I don't know how that'd work out," Fox replied. "I get the feeling
that he's going to be out for some time. If you want to come over
here, I'll make us something. And if he wakes up before dinner, we
can all eat together."

"Yeah, okay. I'll be there in about an hour or so then."

"Okay, fine. See you soon."

Fox hung up and slouched against the back cushions of the sofa,
folding his hands behind his head, and reviewing the last few hours.

Painful, but very definitely necessary. The meetings, such as they
were, might not have been all that he had hoped, but it was
certainly leap in the right direction. Now, all he had to do was
keep Alex talking, and sooner or later, he'd talk himself right into
letting go of the anger and hatred that had hurt them both for far
too long now.

He hoped.

He prayed.

No, he was sure....though a prayer or two couldn't hurt.

//Nothing's ever easy with us, is it babe?//

Fox groaned softly and hauled himself off the sofa and into the
kitchen to see what he could dig up for dinner.

********************

Scully sniffed appreciatively at the aroma wafting up from the large
pot and smiled.

"Mulder, if anyone had ever told me you'd turn into a halfway decent
cook someday, I'd have laughed in their face."

Fox crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the
kitchen counter and grinned.

"Yeah, I make a mean spaghetti and meatballs, don't I?"

"I can't deny it." Scully opened the oven door to check on the
garlic bread. "You think all these odors would've brought Alex out
of the bedroom by now."

"I'm not surprised he's still out. He was pretty wasted when we got
home." Fox tasted his sauce then added a bit more oregano. "I'll go
check on him, though...see if he's even moved."

Scully nodded then looked down at the dog sitting beside her. She
frowned at the mournful expression, then asked, "What's he want?"

"Anything he can mooch off you," Fox answered as he left the room.

Scully returned her attention to the unblinking brown eyes. "I
really don't think there's anything up here that you'd like, Clyde."
To prove her point, she plucked a grape from the bowl in front of
her and held it out, laughing when the dog quickly snatched it from
her palm. "You're a strange animal, Clyde. You fit right in around
here."

********************

The bedroom door inched open, and Fox cautiously stepped into the
room. Eyes on the motionless form in front of him, he crept toward
the bed, gaining a few inches at a time until he was standing
directly over his unconscious lover. A faint smile touched his lips
as he observed the sleep softened features and steady rise and fall
of the broad chest, and he wondered if Alex's slumber was as
untroubled as it appeared from the outside.

Unable to help himself, Fox reached out and let his fingers slide
over the glistening sable strands of the younger man's hair.

So beautiful. So quiet.

And all at once he regretted his decision to invite Scully over for
dinner. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than to curl himself
around his sleeping lover and join him in peaceful darkness.

//But nooooo.//

Fox released an inaudible sigh and, leaning over to drop a tiny kiss
on the corner of Alex's mouth, he cursed himself briefly then
returned to the kitchen. As he walked back into the room, he found
Scully sitting at the table with a bag of his sunflower seeds in
front of him, peeling away the black and white shell from one of
them.

"Since when do you like sunflower seeds?"

"I don't. But your dog does."

Fox shook his head and walked over to the stove. "He eats
*everything*, Scully. The only thing we've found so far that he
doesn't like is tomatoes."

Scully succeeded in cracking another shell and tossed the seed to
the dog who immediately snapped the tiny object out of mid air.

"I take it sleeping beauty is still out."

"Like a light. I guess it's just you and me." Fox bent to remove the
garlic bread from the oven and heard the curious snuffling of the
third who would never let his presence be forgotten. "And Clyde..."

Ten minutes later, they sat down to eat, and when dinner was over,
Scully helped clean up, and the partners sat down in front of the
television.

"God, I feel like a beached whale," Scully complained as she slumped
onto the sofa.

"Couldn't have anything to do with the two helpings of spaghetti you
ate, could it?" Fox asked as he sat down beside her and reached for
the remote.

"It wasn't that much."

Fox broke into laughter. "I couldn't even see you over the mound you
had in your plate!"

"Don't exaggerate," the redhead huffed. "And where's dessert?"

Fox's eyes widened in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I'm thinking warm apple pie...a la mode...oh
yeah, that'd be..."

Scully broke off her request and followed the line of her partner's
stare to the one who had just entered the room.

More asleep than awake, Alex shuffled in, dropping down on the sofa
and wedging himself between his lover and Scully.

"Oh, for..." Scully bounced a few inches to her left and watched
Alex sink into Fox's open arms. Despite the disgusted grunt, a tiny
smile formed on her lips as Fox pulled the younger man to his chest
and dropped a few kisses in the tousled hair.

"You hungry?" Fox asked softly as Alex settled against him.

Alex shook his head.

"Are you awake?"

Another shake of the sable head as Alex snuggled closer.

Fox rested his cheek on top of the other man's head and smiled over
at Scully. "So, anyway..."

"Fine," Scully sighed, hefting herself off of the sofa. "I'll go dig
up my own dessert. You want anything?"

"No," Fox answered absently, perfectly happy to sit there, gently
stroking his lover.

"Alex?" As soon as she'd called the other's name, she threw a hand
up and turned toward the kitchen. "Oh, nevermind."

Fox laughed softly then turned all of his attention on the man in
his arms. "Babe?" he called just loud enough for Alex to hear.

There was silence for a few seconds, then came a very soft,
unintelligible acknowledgment.

"Nothing," Fox whispered, brushing a kiss along Alex's hairline. "Go
back to sleep."

He sat quietly, letting his hand glide up under the shirt that Alex
had thrown on but neglected to button. The warm, smooth skin felt
good against his hand as he stroked his lover's back, and a barely
audible moan rose from Alex's throat as Fox continued to lavish his
gentle attentions on him. Before Scully returned only minutes later,
Alex was again asleep.

Taking a seat in the chair diagonal from the sofa, Scully turned the
seat around so she could better see the television.

"I see you found something," Fox said softly, grinning at the
redhead's heaping bowl of pistachio ice cream.

"Not exactly apple pie a la mode, but it'll do in a pinch." Blue
eyes fell on the man who lay motionless in Fox's arms. "Is he asleep
again?"

"Yeah," Fox answered, continuing to caress Alex's back.

"I don't get it. Why would he leave a comfortable bed only to fall
out again two minutes later on the couch?"

Fox shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he missed me."

Scully shook her head, looking from one man to the other. "You're
not *supposed* to still be this sweet on each other after the years
you've been together."

Fox laughed softly. "Is that some sort of rule?"

"I think it is, yeah."

He turned adoring eyes down to the man pressed to his chest. "You
know how fond we are of breaking the rules."

"Yes, I'm well aware. Hey..." Scully turned in the direction of the
t.v. "Is that...it is! Wow, I haven't seen this in ages."

Fox looked up at the screen and wrinkled his nose. "The King and I?"

"Yeah. God, Yul Brynner was a damn sexy man."

One golden-brown eyebrow arched in amusement. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

Fox tilted his head to one side, studying the actor. "You
know...give him a little more weight...some hair around the sides of
his head and glasses, and he'd kinda look like Skinner." Fox grinned
over at his partner. "Scully, do you think Skinner's sexy?"

A touch of pink tinged the woman's cheeks as she attempted to laugh
off the question.

"You do, don't you?"

"C'mon Mulder, he's our boss."

"And that means you can't see him as an attractive man?"

"How the hell did we get on this subject?"

"You've got the hots for Yul Brynner."

"I merely think he's attractive. And by the way, he's dead."

"I believe the word you used was sexy, and so what?"

"What*ever*, Mulder."

Fox gave her a soft chuckle.

"What the hell's your point, anyway?"

"Simply that the deceased Mr. Brynner and Skinner both fall under
the same male type. You find one sexy, therefore, you probably feel
the same about the other."

"You're nuts."

Fox's grin grew wider. "You have a thing for Mr. Clean too, don't
you?"

"Shut up, Mulder."

"Admit it, Scully."

"That I've got a thing for Mr. Clean?"

"No, Skinner."

"For God's sake...okay, so he's an attractive man. So what? I'm not
dead. I notice things. What's wrong with that?"

"Hey, *you're* the one who wouldn't admit it."

"Do *you* think he's attractive?"

Fox shrugged. "I guess. Not my type, though." He looked down at
Alex, giving the sleeping man a soft smile.

"Oh yeah," Scully groaned. "I suppose Alex is *exactly* your type."

"Exactly."

"Oh, please..."

"You don't have to believe me, Scully, but it's true. I couldn't
make him any more perfect."

Scully stared at her partner, chin resting in her palm then spoke,
her voice dripping with good natured sarcasm. "Gee, too bad he's not
awake to hear this. It'd be just the ego booster he needs. 'Cause
it's not enormous enough."

Fox gave her a smirk. "His enormous ego is one of the things I love
about him."

"It isn't hard to admire someone who already does it so well by
himself?"

Fox laughed softly. "No. It's sexy. On him, anyway." He looked down
at Alex, brushing a few stray hairs away from the other man's brow.
"He's lost a little bit of that arrogance because of all this. He'll
be okay, though. He's working his way through it, and he'll be
stronger."

Scully gave her partner a smile. "Don't you think though, Mulder,
that he could do with a little less arrogance? He's already got more
than any ten people I know combined."

"But it's well balanced," Fox argued. "He's compassionate, and he's
sweet.."

"And awake..."

"Hmm?" Fox looked from his partner down into sleepy eyes. He smiled
but remained silent, half wondering if Alex might not just go back
to sleep if he didn't speak to him, but the younger man shifted,
placing a kiss at the base of his throat then gently closing his
teeth on the sensitive flesh.

"Awake now?" Fox asked, moaning at the gentle nip.

Alex nodded, winding his arms around the older man's waist and
pressing closer to his warmth.

"How're you feeling?" Scully asked.

"Okay," a small, muffled voice answered from the folds of Fox's
shirt.

"I'm so glad that you decided to face up to what's been bothering
you."

Alex lifted his head from Fox's chest and looked to the woman
sitting across from him and nodded. "It was hurting us, and I
couldn't see it."

Scully gave Alex an understanding smile. "I know. And I also know
that you'd never purposely want to do that."

Alex shook his head and again snuggled against his lover. "So, you
know all about it?"

"Mulder filled me in, yeah."

"I still want to kill him. No...I want to torture him *then* kill
him."

Scully put her bowl down and came to sit beside the two men and let
her hand rest on Alex's knee. "Yeah, but you didn't. That took a lot
of restraint on your part. You should be very proud of yourself."

Alex fell into a pensive silence, letting Fox gently stroke his
back.

"So, since you're up, how about some dinner?" Fox asked patting his
lover's thigh.

"I'm not hungry right now."

"No?"

Alex shook his head. "Sorry. The spaghetti sauce smells really good,
but I can't seem to work up an appetite."

"That's okay, babe," Fox assured the younger man. "Just let me know
if you change your mind."

Alex went quiet for a moment then looked at Fox's watch. "Think
they're gone?"

"I don't know," Fox answered evenly. "Why?"

"Just wondering."

"If they aren't gone yet, I'm sure they will be soon."

"Alex?"

Alex turned his attention to Scully.

"Do you think that maybe you might have been a bit hasty?"

"About what?"

"I know you wanted them gone as soon as possible..."

"Yeah, like yesterday."

"But..." Scully hesitated then continued, "what if there's something
else you want to say to him?"

Alex's forehead creased. "Like?"

"I don't know. You just might think of something else you should
have said."

"I said more in that meeting than I think I've said in my whole damn
life, Scully," Alex replied a bit too quickly. "There's nothing else
to be said."

"You sure?"

"*Yeah*, I'm..." Alex pulled himself upright, now directing his
conversation at Fox. "Do I look like I need to say anything more?"

Fox kissed his ruffled lover's forehead. "Nobody knows your mind
better than you, Alex."

"*Thank* you. I..." Alex stopped in mind sentence, directed a
questioning look at Fox, whose expression remained completely
passive, then turned back to Scully. "I know my mind," he said
firmly, repeating his lover's words, "and there's nothing in there
anymore regarding that little worm."

"Okay, Alex," Scully soothed. "It was just a question."

Alex leaned back against Fox then jerked forward again. "His doctor
asked me to try to forgive him...you believe that shit? He tried to
tell me that if I could just bring myself to understand the kid's
position, I'd feel better. Bullshit. He's just trying to help the
little bastard ease his own conscience."

Scully opened her mouth to speak, but Alex cut her off before she
could emit a sound. "Well, screw 'im. His conscience *should* bother
him for the rest of his miserable life." He looked to Fox. "Right?"

Fox lifted a hand to the younger man's face, letting his thumb sweep
back and forth across his cheek. "Imagine someone who's committed
such unforgivable acts wanting the chance to start his life over and
be happy. Isn't right, is it?"

Alex blinked then stared at the other man, visibly discomposed.
Seconds later, he lowered his eyes and fell into a thoughtful
silence.

Having pushed things as far as he was going to, Fox wound an arm
around the younger man and gently pulled him back into his embrace.

Alex rested uneasily in his arms for a few moments, staring quietly
at nothing, then turned and wrapped his arms around Fox, burying his
face in his lover's shirt.

Green eyes flecked with amber met azure, and Scully gave her partner
one of her 'are you sure you know what you're doing?' looks. Fox
merely closed his eyes and inclined his head, rubbing his cheek
against the sable strands beneath it. Scully shook her head picked
up her bowl.

"Well, I think I'll just get going, now."

"Already?"

The woman shot her partner an impatient look then took the remainder
of her ice cream into the kitchen. She reemerged a few minutes later
and announced her departure to the two men.

Reluctantly, Alex uncoiled himself from around Fox and let the older
man rise to escort his partner to the door. He bid her a soft
goodbye and tucked himself into the nearest corner of the sofa until
Fox returned.

Fox opened the door and leaned against the frame as Scully stepped
outside and turned to face him.

"That's a dangerous game you're playing, Mulder," Scully whispered
as softly as she could.

"I wouldn't play games with something so important," Fox shot back
just as softly.

"But Mulder...he looked sort of hurt..."

"If he felt I had hurt him, he wouldn't have turned to me like he
did. It's okay. He's just thinking."

"If you say so."

Fox gave his partner a reassuring nod. "See you at work."

"Okay."

Fox watched the redhead get into her car, waved as she pulled out of
the driveway, then returned to the living room, sitting at the other
end of the sofa. He looked to the huddled figure, giving his lover
an inviting smile.

Alex crawled toward Fox, stretching his body out along the cushions
and letting his head come to rest in the older man's lap.

"Want to go back to sleep?"

Alex hesitated then shrugged.

"Are you still tired?"

"A little, I guess."

Fox rubbed his hand over the younger man's back. "How about if I go
lie down with you?"

The thick, sable veil of lashes swept slowly upward, revealing a
wary, green gaze. "You don't have to."

"I know that." Fox leaned over and brushed a soft kiss across the
flushed lips, then gently pushed Alex to his feet. He rose from the
sofa and stood in front of the other man, pressing their foreheads
together. "Why don't you go ahead and get into bed, and I'll go put
the food away?"

Alex nodded and backed away from the older man, then turned and
walked slowly toward the bedroom.

Fox watched until Alex disappeared from sight, then stood for a few
seconds more, mulling over a thought that had just come into his
head. He headed into the kitchen and quickly cleaned up, then moved
out of the room to complete one more task before joining Alex in the
bedroom.

********************

Alex slipped out of his shirt then removed his pants, draping both
over the chair by the window. Now clad only in a pair of black
boxer-briefs, he straightened out the rumpled sheets before getting
into bed. Once under the light cover, he hooked one arm over the top
of his head and rested the other across his stomach, and stared up
at the ceiling. After long moments filled with nothing, his mind
began to work.

//So. Little Matthew isn't worthy of a second chance at happiness in
his life. He can never be repentant enough for you. He can't take
back what he did, and you can't forgive him. Shit, what right have
*you* got to pass judgment? You've done far worse in your life, and
far more often, that's for damn sure.//

//But Christ, I never raped anybody and left them to suffer all the
hell that came after.//

//Yeah, that's about the *only* thing you've never done. Get off
your high horse, Alex. Maybe the anger is doing you just as much
damage as all the stuff that brought it on...//

The new presence in the room drew Alex out of his thoughts, and his
eyes flicked over to the door. He watched quietly as Fox walked in,
tossed him a bit of a smile, then headed in the direction of the
closet. Hanging from the older man's hand, he noticed a dark object.
When his eyes fully focus on the object, he realized that it was his
gun.

"What are you doing?"

Fox stopped, hand on the knob of the door. "Putting your gun back."

Alex sat up, letting the sheet fall to his waist. "Why?"

Fox gave him an innocent shrug. "You said a little while ago that
everything was out. So I figured there was no need to keep your
weapon hidden any more."

Fox opened the door, but before he could return the gun to its
place, Alex called to him.

"Lisa."

"Hmm?"

"Don't." The younger man shook his head. "Don't put it back."

Fox turned to face his lover. "Why not?"

"I j...I just don't want you to. Not yet. Go put it back where you
had it."

Fox approached the bed and sat down, resting a hand on Alex's leg.
"What's the matter? Alex, are you still having trouble? Are you
hearing that voice?"

"No."

"So, what's wrong?"

"I don't...how do we know I won't?"

"You said you don't have any more unresolved issues," Fox said
gently. "And I trust that you know your own state of mind. There
should be no reason not to let you have your gun back."

As Fox started to rise from the mattress, Alex reached out and
grabbed his wrist. "No. Don't, Fox...okay? Just go put it back.
Please? Just for a little while."

Fox cocked his head, studying Alex's expression. "Okay," he said
softly, leaning forward the press a kiss against the younger man's
lips. "If you really want me to."

Alex nodded, twisting a corner of the sheet in his fingers.

Fox rose and left the room, returning minutes later. He came to
stand beside the bed and began to undress while his eyes held those
of his lover. When he had stripped to his underwear, he sank down to
the mattress, half covering Alex's upper body with his own. The
younger man's hands automatically came up to his shoulders, moving
slowly over the muscled flesh.

"You okay?" Fox asked, gentle concern tingeing his voice.

Alex nodded mutely, staring up into his lover's eyes.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I don't..." Alex began softly. "I don't know what to say." He shook
his head, eyes pleading for Fox to understand. "I...I don't...I
don't want to hurt you." He brought a hand to the older man's face.
"I can't take that chance."

Fox turned his head, planting a kiss in Alex's palm. "Somewhere
inside you there's doubt or you wouldn't feel this way."

Sable eyelashes fluttered. "I guess. I...so many thoughts...I'm
trying to sort them all out, and I..."

"It's okay," Fox interrupted, his face so close to Alex's that the
younger man could feel his warm breath flow over his lips. "There's
plenty of time to sort it out. You don't have to do it all tonight."

"But I..."

"You've had enough for today." Fox brushed his mouth against Alex's.
"I want you to relax now."

"Fox..."

Before Alex could speak another word, Fox's lips came down on his,
tenderly drinking in his protests. He pulled away for a moment,
noting the needy gleam in his lover's eye, then moved in again,
taking the younger man's mouth in a more demanding kiss.

Groaning softly, Alex opened his mouth, surrendering himself to Fox
and his own growing desire. The older man took immediate advantage,
his tongue sweeping inside the dark warmth, engaging in a sensual
duel with its mate.

It had been a long, exhausting day, fraught with one stressful
moment after another, but it all took a back seat to the uproar now
taking place in Alex's body. In this single moment, there was
nothing else in the world. No Justin, no Matthew and his irritating
doctor. No memories or hatred or fear. There was only Fox, lying
over him. Warming his body and his heart. Knowing, as always,
exactly what he needed.

The hardening of flesh against flesh did not go unnoticed as Fox
continued to feed on his lover's mouth. He shifted a bit to one side
so that one hand could wander more freely over Alex's torso,
lovingly stroking and soothing the tense muscles. He broke the kiss
and gazed down at the younger man as his fingers whispered over a
hardening nipple.

Alex flinched as a tiny, electric shiver passed through him, but he
never let his heavy-lidded stare fall away from his lover's face.
Fox's hand continued to move, drifting slowly up his throat and over
his cheek, and as it detoured and passed over his lips, his tongue
inched out for a small taste. The older man smiled down at him then
moved on, stroking over his temple then smoothing the stubborn
crease between his brows.

"You're not completely relaxed," Fox murmured kissing the tip of his
lover's nose.

"Sort of hard," Alex replied, "when we're both mostly naked and
you're lying on top of me and touching me."

"It's not like seductive kind of touching," Fox argued, grinning.

"When did that ever matter?"

"I suppose you've got a point." Fox lowered his head and brushed
Alex's mouth with his own. "Turn over."

"What?"

"I'm going to help you relax."

Fox lifted himself and let Alex turn over onto his stomach, then
kneeled over the younger man, straddling his hips. A low groan rose
into the air as he began to gently knead the warm flesh beneath his
hands.

Alex executed a luxurious stretch, reveling in his lover's touch.
"Mmmm."

"That good?"

Alex nodded, pressing his face into the pillows.

Fox worked slowly, his hands moving in long, firm strokes over the
length of Alex's back. He watched, almost hypnotized as the muscles
rippled and relaxed beneath his fingers, then his eyes focused on
something else. Leaning in, he kissed the small number of remaining
scars that would be an eternal reminder of Alex's few days of hell.

It had been long months before Fox to could look at the scars and
not feel hurt and blinding rage, but he had finally conquered his
emotions and had come to view the marks as his lover's victory over
the evil that had threatened to steal him away. Now he could touch
them. Love them as he did every inch of Alex, as they were now a
permanent part of him.

Alex sighed as Fox's hands and mouth whispered over the expanse of
his back.

So good. Jesus, such simple caresses, and they made him feel so
good.

It wasn't all that long ago...a few months after he'd returned home
when Fox had begun taking notice of the scars that had remained on
his back. Maybe taking notice wasn't really the right word for it.
Acknowledging might have been better.

After they'd healed and Fox was no longer required to tend to them,
he'd just ignored them, pretending that they'd never existed, and
Alex hadn't been quite sure how to feel about it. There were times
when he was glad for Fox's seeming disregard. At those times he'd
felt sure he would lose his mind if the one person in the world who
meant anything to him looked on him with sympathy. And then there
were times when he was hurt. Angry almost that the same man could so
completely ignore the evidence of what had happened to him.

Sometimes he'd wanted to ask Fox what he'd been thinking while they
were making love. He'd noticed that the older man would never take
him from behind...a position they had both been fond of. He'd wanted
to ask if the sight of his scars was so unbearable, but he'd been
afraid of the answer, and since Fox seemed to have no desire to talk
with him about it, he'd let it go.

Then, one night several months later, he remembered waking up to a
soft caress. He'd opened his eyes and looked up from his face-down
position and found Fox, just returned from a three day case, seated
at the edge of the mattress. The older man had sat quietly, watching
in the flickering light of the television as his own hand lightly
wandered over the bare back. His lover's eyes had risen to his, and
he'd leaned in and began scattering a number of gentle kisses over
his shoulders and back. Alex had begun to tremble as Fox lingered
over the very scars that he'd gone out of his way to ignore for so
long, and when he'd tried to turn over onto his back, Fox had
stopped him. When he'd looked up to the older man in question, Fox
spoke.

Alex recalled the conversation word for word...

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"What for?"

"The way I've been..." Fox traced a particularly prominent scar.
"The way I've been about these. I haven't really been able to look
at them...I couldn't...I didn't want to have one more reminder..."

Alex had managed to flip onto his back, and he'd touched Fox.

"I understand. I don't want to remember either. You don't have
to..."

"I do," Fox interrupted. "It's not helping, this ignore it and it'll
go away thing I'm doing. It's not right. These scars won't go away.
I love you, Alex, and they're a part of you now."

"What brought this on?"

"I was thinking about it last night in my motel room. I'd never
intentionally hurt you, baby..."

Alex sat up, meeting his lover's apologetic stare. "I know that. I
know it."

"I love every bit of you," Fox went on insistently. "Everything that
*is* you...everything that was you, and everything that becomes you,
and I won't turn away." Tears had welled up in the older man's eyes.
"Never again. If I ignore your scars it's like letting him keep a
little piece of you. And I won't do that." Fox had wrapped Alex in a
fierce embrace. "You're mine. All of you."

Alex had wound his arms around the older man, clinging tightly to
him. He hadn't known how much he'd hurt until that very moment when
it was relieved. The pain of the actual beatings was intense, but
when it was gone, it was gone. The ache of Fox's reaction to the
scars had eaten slowly at his heart, and regardless of which way his
outward feelings on the matter were swinging at any particular time,
the inner turmoil had been constant. For both of them, it had
seemed.

And then, in that moment of realization, it too was gone.

One less thing to agonize over.

"You're mine." Fox had whispered the words urgently against his
lover's cheek as he'd dragged his lips over the smooth skin and met
Alex's lips.

They'd kissed endlessly, passionately, and then Fox had lowered them
both to the bed and, until the sun rose, made love over and over to
the man who belonged to him alone...

"You're not falling asleep, are you?" the amused monotone sounded,
tickling the inside of Alex's ear.

"No," Alex whispered, trying to shake off the lethargy that had
invaded his limbs. "Just relaxing like you wanted." He shuddered
then issued a throaty laugh as the tip of his lover's tongue
fluttered into the opening.

"Not too relaxed, now," Fox purred. "I want to feel you squeezing me
when I'm deep inside you... Alex's respiration deepened instantly,
and he began to whimper softly.

"I want to feel the way your whole body tenses when I've got you
hanging on the edge, and you're begging me to let you come..."

Alex squirmed beneath his lover, his movements somewhat restricted
by the weight pinning him to the mattress.

"That's better." Fox ground his hips against Alex's rear, letting
the other man feel the rigid length of his cock as he continued to
massage him.

"Fox...God, baby, please..."

Fox smiled as his hands slid down Alex's back, his fingers hooking
in the waistband of his underwear and pulling them down his legs. He
removed his own shorts then resumed his position, spreading his
lover's ass cheeks and letting his cock rest snugly between them.
The twin muscles automatically contracted around the solid presence,
and Alex groaned softly.

"Easy, sweetheart," Fox warned shakily, nipping at the base of the
younger man's neck.

"I want it," Alex whined into the pillows. "Please, lisa."

"Soon," Fox cooed. His tongue trailed down Alex's neck and along one
shoulder, then he sat up, wedging himself even more tightly between
the quivering cheeks. His hands began to move again, rubbing and
soothing the clenching muscles of the younger man's back.

Alex groaned in frustration, trembling at the contrasting, dual
pleasure of Fox's comforting caresses and the insistent, teasing
pressure of his cock.

Fox thoroughly massaged his lover's upper body then his hands moved
on, firmly stroking the smooth flesh of his ass. The action
stimulated his cock as well, and he thought hazily, that he might
easily come this way if he continued. And as his wish was to take
them both as high as they could go before they fell, he pulled away,
encountering a loud, agitated growl of protest.

"It's okay," he whispered against the middle of Alex's back, swiping
at the tiny beads of sweat that had started to form. His tongue
glided downward, teasing the dip at the base of his lover's spine
before it began to ascend the tight, rounded muscle.

Alex twitched but did his best to lie still as the gentle nip of
teeth sent little surges of electricity through him. Trapped between
his body and the bed, his cock throbbed its need. The urge to push
into the mattress was strong, but somewhere in the back of his
muddled mind, he knew that what Fox had in store for him would be
infinitely more pleasurable. He held himself in check and tried to
endure the sweet torture for as long as Fox saw fit to inflict it,
but when the other man gently nuzzled his cheeks apart and let his
tongue dance between them, his body clenched in an uncontrollable
spasm, and a sharp groan sounded into the pillow.

Fox drew his hands back and forth over the younger man's lower body
in a soothing gesture as his tongue continued to tease and torment
him. The more anguished Alex's cries became, the more he teased,
stopping just before the moment that he knew there would be no
turning back. With one more long pass over the puckered opening, Fox
pulled away, leaving Alex gasping and begging for more.

"No...no, *no*. Please, Fox. Don't s-stop. Don't do this to me..."

"You don't mean that," Fox stated softly, letting his tongue slide
over the velvety skin of his lover's ass.

"I do," Alex insisted frantically. "I can't...I can't take it.
Please. Jesus, please..."

Fox pulled himself up, settling his weight on top of the younger
man. "Yes, you can." He dragged his tongue up the side of Alex's
neck then bit into his earlobe.

"Noooo."

"I know you can," Fox moaned seductively, sending warm shivers down
the other man's back.

"Can't..."

Fox lifted his body away from Alex's and rolled the younger man over
onto his back then again stretched out on top of him. Amber flecked
eyes smoldered down into emerald green.

"Do you want to?"

"I don't...I..."

Fox lowered his head and took Alex's mouth in a bone melting kiss.
"Tell me, Alexei," he purred. "Do you want to give it up now and end
this?" His hips rocked slowly against the other man's, pressing
their cocks together. "Or do you want more? I've got so much more to
give you, baby."

Alex whimpered at the whispered promise, and the greedy part of him,
the part that could never get enough of Fox screamed its consent,
drowning out the part of him that had already been pushed about two
inches past desperate.

"M...more."

A victorious smile curled Fox's lips, and he moved in for a
lingering kiss. Long seconds later, he lifted his head only to be
stopped by Alex's fingers clenching in his hair.

"More," the younger man demanded on a hard breath and pulled Fox
back down to him. Their mouths again met, but Fox held back from the
intense kiss that he knew Alex had intended. Tenderly, he covered
the younger man's lips, letting his tongue slip inside the moist
warmth.

Alex arched beneath his lover, opening his mouth to the lazy
assault. Although he had initially hoped that Fox would be somewhat
less than gentle, he melted immediately, easily bending to the other
man's will. As he allowed Fox's unhurried exploration of his mouth,
his hands began to move, gliding over the older man's back and
paying considerable attention to the delicious curves of his ass.

Fox moaned softly into Alex's mouth then broke the kiss, licking a
trail over the younger man's chin and down his throat, pausing here
and there to nip and pull at the fragile skin. Alex's rumbles of
appreciation vibrated against his lips before he continued downward,
making his way toward one brown nipple. He pulled the tight peak
into his mouth and closed his teeth around it.

A tiny grimace curled Alex's upper lip as his lover tugged at his
nipple, but the discomfort turned to waves of pleasure as the tip of
Fox's tongue danced over it. Minute bumps erupted over his skin, and
he drew a shuddering breath as Fox began to suckle on the hard bit
of flesh. The fingers of one hand curled in the older man's hair,
and the other restlessly stroked his back. The soft gasps that left
his lips really were meant to be actual words, but for some reason
they simply refused to come out as such.

Fox released the moistened nub from his mouth then gently blew on
it, feeling Alex's body jerk. He moved to its neglected twin and
performed the same service, this time winning an impatient whimper
for his efforts. He lifted his head and trained dark, smoky gaze on
the younger man.

"You all right, sweetheart?"

Losing the battle to regulate his breathing, Alex merely nodded.

Fox smiled up at him. "You know what I want now?"

More heavy breathing.

"I want to feel your cock hitting the back of my throat."

The organ in question leapt in response, and its owner writhed
beneath Fox, whining softly.

Fox began kissing a path down to his goal then stopped halfway and
looked up at Alex. "Lie still, all right? I don't want you to move.
Let me take care of you."

Alex closed his eyes and sobbed quietly at the thought of remaining
motionless while that exquisite mouth drove him up the walls.

Fox resumed his journey, pausing once to leave a small mark of
possession on the younger man's left hip. Satisfied with the
darkening bruise, he worked his way down to Alex's cock, where he
nuzzled the flushed head before licking away the pearly bead of
fluid that had formed at the tip. Savoring the brief taste, he
dragged his tongue down the underside of the rigid shaft then back
up, repeating the action several times, insuring that his Alex's
cock was thoroughly bathed, and *Alex* was thoroughly beside himself
with need. He looked up at his lover, now dotted with beads of
perspiration and gasping for air, and an incredible warmth flooded
his insides.

So much time had passed. A few years, actually, since he and Alex
had become lovers, and sometimes Fox's still couldn't believe the
rush he felt simply looking at him. The anticipation of each
touch...the excitement just before that moment of possession...the
indescribable joy of completion. It never diminished. If anything,
it only grew stronger, as did his love for Alex.

He wondered sometimes if there was a limit. A point that he would
reach where he would finally stop and say, 'this is as much as I can
possibly love or want him'. But then Alex would do something or say
something. It wouldn't have to be anything remarkable. Certainly
nothing that romance novels were made of, but to Fox it would mean
the world, and he'd feel his heart swell a bit more.

That deep, ever growing love was the glue that kept them bonded to
each other, and the smoldering lust between them was something that
could be tempered if need be, but could never be extinguished...

Fox watched the green of Alex's eyes appear and disappear as his
eyelashes fluttered frantically, and he smiled. Quickly but gently,
he swallowed the entire length of his lover's cock, feeling the
younger man buck beneath him and sob his name.

It would be mere seconds before Alex exploded, and there was no way
Fox was going to allow that until he was were he wanted to be. He
lifted his head, applying almost no suction to the pulsing shaft,
and settled himself over his lover's prone body.

Alex managed to maintain his focus for more than two seconds and
gazed up into eyes as green as his own. Fox smiled down at him and
brushed his fingertips across the stubbled jaw.

"Ready, beautiful?"

Alex closed his eyes and nodded. "Please, lisa," he rasped. "I need
you."

Fox reached over to the nightstand and found that Alex had already
withdrawn the lube and placed it by the lamp. He grinned down at the
other man and kissed the tip of his nose as he grasped the tube and
hastily applied some of its contents to his cock. "All right, baby,"
he whispered against the younger man's lips, stroking the underside
of his thighs, "give it to me."

Obediently, Alex lifted his legs and wound them around Fox's waist
as he clung to the older man's shoulders. His head pressed back into
the pillows as the tip of his lover's cock began to slowly stretch
him, and a long moan rumbled in his throat. He pushed up against
Fox, begging wordlessly to be taken quickly, but the older man had
no such inclinations.

Slowly, Fox inched forward, letting Alex feel every centimeter of
his considerable length. The younger man writhed and panted beneath
him and pulled him down, wrapping him in a firm embrace.
Understanding Alex's need for as much contact as he could get, Fox
completed their union and lay quietly in his arms for a moment. But
soon, he began to rock gently against the other man, incurring a
barrage of impatient whimpers and pleas. He maintained his lazy
rhythm, covering Alex's face with tender kisses.

"Open your eyes baby," he cooed softly. "Look at me." Alex responded
to his request, and he looked down into twin pools of tormented
green.

"There's no hurry." To emphasize his point, Fox ceased movement,
remaining buried deeply inside the younger man. Brushing the bowed
lips with his own, he moaned against them, "Let me love you nice and
slow."

In answer, Alex's tongue crept out from between his parted lips,
almost timidly searching for Fox's. Immediately, it found its mark,
and he moaned almost inaudibly as the very tip of Fox's tongue
danced over his. As Fox's hands began to slowly roam over his body,
he followed his lover's lead, touching as he was being touched,
stroking and soothing the warm satin beneath his hands.

Suppressing the ever increasing demands of his own body, Fox
continued to tease Alex's mouth, offering tiny nips and licks as his
hands glided over the familiar terrain of his lover's chest and
abdomen. He pulled back a bit from Alex's mouth and looked down into
almost black, glittering eyes.

"Will you let me do that?"

"Yes," Alex breathed, combing the fingers of one hand through the
hair at the back of Fox's head. "anything you want."

Fox dragged his tongue across Alex's lips. "I want you," he
whispered.

"You have me."

"I want you here..." Fox moaned as he pulled slowly out to the tip
of his cock then began the long slide home. "...under
me...naked...warm..."

Alex shuddered at the combined sensations Fox's words and actions
evoked.

"I want you sweet and submissive. And I want you demanding and
impatient." Fox moaned softly as Alex writhed against him. "I want
you all around me." He inclined his head, licking a long path up his
lover's exposed throat then clamping his teeth down on the flesh
just beneath his chin.

Alex bucked, arching against the older man, offering more of
himself.

Fox's mouth moved lower, his teeth grazing the fragile skin. Finding
his lover's erratic pulse, he closed his mouth over the spot,
sucking gently but firmly as he continued to thrust lazily into him.

Alex drew a shaky breath, his mind and his body lulled into the
world of sensuality Fox had created just for him. His hands stroked
and massaged the slowly contracting muscles in the other man's back
and ass, enjoying his lover's muffled responses.

Fox released Alex's throat, pausing to soothe the red mark he'd
left, then lifted his head, looking the younger man directly in the
eye. "I want you forever."

Alex opened and closed his mouth several times before he could
speak. Then, "I...you know I'm not going anywhere."

Fox nodded, looking down at the younger man, his eyes shimmering
with deepest emotion.

"I love you, Alexei."

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say a word,
Fox claimed it in an achingly tender kiss. The fingers still
traveling through Fox's hair curled around the golden-brown strands,
and the hand stroking the older man's back slid over it and around
to his side, Alex's arm tightening and hugging Fox to him.

For longer than Alex could ever have dreamed he could, Fox
maintained his composure and his unhurried tempo, keeping them both
precariously balanced on the edge of total satisfaction. An eternity
later, Fox raised himself up on his elbows and gazed down at his
mesmerized lover.

"Are you tired, baby?"

Alex shook his head quickly. "No." He raised his legs a bit higher,
tightening them around the other man's waist. "No..."

Fox studied him for brief seconds then as smoothly as he could,
disengaged and rolled them both, bringing Alex to rest on top of
him. He bent his legs, planting his feet flat on the bed, and
adjusted the younger man's position so that his cock was wedged
snugly against the crevice of his ass. He bucked gently, stroking
Alex's thighs.

"Let me in, sweetheart. I miss that heat."

Eyes heavy with desire, Alex raised himself up just enough to guide
his lover's cock inside, then sat down in the cradle of Fox's hips.
His head rolled back against his shoulders as Fox filled him
completely and started to move.

"That's better," Fox purred, reaching up to run his hands over
Alex's chest. Gently, he plucked at the rigid nipples and watched as
Alex's face contorted in extreme pleasure. "Beautiful," he murmured,
wrapping a hand around the younger man's cock.

His body humming with excitement, Alex pitched forward, draping
himself over the older man, but Fox placed a soft kiss in his hair
and eased him back into a sitting position.

"You're gorgeous to watch," Fox moaned as Alex's muscles tightened,
trapping him in his silken prison. "I want to see how much you love
what I do to you."

Alex's mouth fell open on a hard gasp as Fox began to stroke his
cock and pushed into him with a bit more force. He fought to keep
his eyes open as he felt himself spiraling out of control, but the
sensation of Fox so hot and hard inside of him, and the maddening
pressure on his cock made his efforts damn near impossible.

Fox felt the rhythmic tightening of Alex's body and the erratic
patterns of his respiration, and knew that he couldn't ask the
younger man to wait any longer. He increased the speed and strength
of his thrusts, and his hand matched the pace precisely, drawing a
long, loud sob from his tortured lover.

"You don't have to wait any more," Fox gasped as he now worked
Alex's cock as furiously as he drove into him. "Come on, baby, don't
hold it back. I see it...Jesus, you're so beautiful...come on..."

Sobbing incoherently, Alex thrashed against Fox, driving them both
insane with mutual need. He threw his head back and screamed as he
finally came, drenching his lover's hand in warm semen, and Fox's
own roars of completion joined his just seconds later as the older
man spent himself inside of him.

Alex twitched several times in the aftermath of his explosion then
fell limply into his lover's waiting arms, whimpering softly.

Fox hugged the shivering man to his chest, petting the damp, sable
head and murmuring soft words of love to him until he fell into a
deep sleep. Then, without waking Alex, he managed to pull the sheet
up around them. His range of movement severely restricted, Fox
shifted as best he could under Alex's full weight, looking for the
most comfortable position. Having found one, he again wrapped his
unconscious lover in his arms and joined him blissful slumber.

********************

Thunder rumbled in the distance, its deep, threatening tones making
promises of a good, gusty storm. The sound woke Alex, who snuggled
deeper into the warmth surrounding him and smiled.

"Sleeping beauty awakes."

The sable head lifted, and Alex peered down into the sleep-softened
features of his lover. "How long have you been awake?"

Fox stretched and kissed Alex's chin. "A little while. Did you hear
the thunder?"

"Yeah, that's what woke me." Alex slid down to the mattress beside
Fox and nestled against him, again closing his eyes. "What time is
it?"

"A little after nine."

Alex lifted his head and looked around. "And Clyde hasn't been in
here bugging us to go out?

Fox shrugged. "Nope."

"That's kind of strange, don't you think?" Alex sat up and called
out to the dog. "Clyde. Where are you?"

Seconds later, the dog nosed the door open and stood peeking into
the bedroom. Alex squinted at him.

"What'd you do?" He turned to Fox. "He did something."

The older man nodded in agreement. "He's got that guilty look on his
face."

"I'll go check."

Fox wrapped a hand around Alex's arm and stopped him from getting
out of bed. "No, I'll go. You stay here."

As Fox rose from the bed and pulled on a pair of underwear, Alex
asked why he had to stay in bed. A pair of gold-splashed eyes smiled
down at him.

"Because I'm coming right back, and I don't want to return to an
empty, cold bed."

"But I could go, and *you* could stay," Alex argued good-naturedly.

"Nope." Fox leaned down, coming face to face with the other man. "I
love walking into the room and finding you lying in bed all naked
and," he ruffled the already wild hair, "rumpled and...did I mention
naked?"

"I believe you did."

Fox nodded. "You're damn sexy in the morning, did I ever tell you
that?"

Alex grinned up at him. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

Fox raised one eyebrow. "*Try*? The word *try* implies that there's
the possibility of failure. Have I ever failed to seduce you?"

Alex performed a slow, feline stretch and shook his head.

"I didn't think so." Fox captured the younger man's lower lip
between his teeth and pulled gently. Releasing the sleep-swollen
flesh, he growled softly, "You stay your pretty ass right here. I'll
be back in a few minutes."

Alex watched Fox's tight ass move beneath the flimsy underwear as he
left the room and groaned deep in his throat as he rolled onto his
side. He pulled a pillow against his chest and imagined that ass so
smooth and hard beneath his hands...straining and contracting as his
lover fucked him nice and hard.

"Oh, God, Fox, hurry up."

Fox returned some twenty minutes later to find Alex on his side,
knees drawn up to the pillow he clutched to himself. He approached
the bed and ran one hand down the younger man's back.

"You okay?"

Alex turned a smoky gaze up to Fox and nodded. "Just waiting for
you. So, what did Clyde do?"

"Got hold of the new roll of paper towels that I forgot to put in
the dispenser last night. Looks like it had snowed in the kitchen."
Fox shook his head. "Damn dog must have been at it all night. The
pieces were so small."

Alex suppressed a grin. "You know how he is with paper. Did you get
it all picked up?"

"What I could see," Fox answered, sitting on the edge of the
mattress. "I'm sure we'll find more in the next couple of days,
though."

"You should have called me. I would've helped you."

Fox swung himself over the prone man, straddling his body on his
hands and knees. "You can help me right now," he murmured, licking
the side of Alex's face.

The younger man buried a smirk into his pillow. "Yeah?"

Fox pulled the puff out of Alex's grasp and flipped him onto his
back. He looked down at the full blown erection and turned an
appreciative smile on the younger man. "Oh, yeah."

Alex squirmed under Fox's heated gaze. "What do you want me to do?"

"I think," Fox rumbled softly as he nipped at Alex's mouth, "I'm in
the mood for a blowjob."

Alex reached up, petting the light sprinkling of golden-brown hairs
on his lover's chest. "Lie down and relax."

Fox obeyed, rolling onto his back and welcoming Alex's mouth as it
closed over his. They kissed for long minutes before the other man
moved on, covering every inch of skin with teasing nips and licks.

Halfway down Fox's stomach, Alex stopped and reversed his path,
sucking a nipple into his mouth. The older man groaned his delight
as Alex flicked his tongue over the sensitive tip then let his teeth
graze along the rigid flesh before turning his attention on its
twin.

Drowning in pleasure, Fox's hands wandered the length of his lover's
back as he whimpered and moaned softly. Alex released his other
nipple and again began his descent, kissing the warm skin and
pulling at the fine golden hairs that led down to the darker,
heavier patch at his groin, and Fox's heart began to pound out a
frantic rhythm. As always, the anticipation of having Alex's mouth
on him was far greater than he'd ever expected, and the actual event
never left him wanting. The soft, moist heat that engulfed him
arched his back and sent a shudder through his body so strong, he
wasn't entirely sure that part of it might not be attributed to the
roll of thunder overhead.

Alex smiled around his mouthful, feeling the violent vibrations of
the man under him. Again and again he slid up and down on the rigid
shaft, teasing every inch of it with his tongue, and when he reached
the tip for the tenth time, Fox's hand in his hair stopped his
descent.

"Wait....Jesus....wait, baby." Fox swallowed hard and attempted to
get his breathing under control. "Do something else for me."

Alex raised his head but not before bestowing a single kiss on the
tip of the older man's cock. "What?"

Fox turned over onto his right side and ran his fingers through
Alex's hair. "I want you to jerk off while you suck me."

Alex studied Fox for all of ten seconds before he rolled onto his
back and turned his head toward the cock that bobbed in front of
him. Looking up at Fox through his lashes, Alex extended his tongue,
lapping daintily at the head as his hand closed around his own cock.

"God, I need to get a picture of this someday..."

Alex pulled away momentarily and grinned up at the other man. "To
carry around in your wallet?"

"Yeah," Fox breathed. "When I'm having a bad day at work, I can whip
it out and look at it."

"And walk around with a perpetual hard-on?"

Fox shrugged. "Okay, maybe that's a bad idea." He grasped a handful
of hair and moved Alex's head toward his abandoned cock. "Isn't
there something you're supposed to be doing?"

Laughing softly, Alex sucked the organ back down his throat and
continued to pump his cock.

"That's better," Fox hummed contentedly. "That's...oh, shit, that's
good..."

For as long as his heavy lids would allow, Fox watched Alex's
performance. The glide of his hand on his flushed cock...the way
those perfect lips moved over Fox's own erection... Stunning was far
too mild a word for the sight, but it was the best description that
Fox's muddled brain could come up with at the moment.

Deciding that he would wait no longer, Alex removed his mouth from
his lover's cock just long enough to wet two fingers then, again
swallowing the throbbing shaft, he worked both fingers into Fox's
ass at once.

Fox bucked and cried Alex's name as the younger man began to finger
fuck him. All at once he felt as if his entire body was caught in a
vice, and the pressure grew greater and greater until he broke into
tiny bits. His screams bounced off the bedroom walls and faded to
soft whimpers, but Alex refused to let him go until he'd claimed his
own satisfaction.

Harder, Alex sucked on his lover's cock as he milked his own with
quick, jerky movements. He withdrew his fingers from Fox's ass and
clutched at the smooth, rounded muscle, digging his fingers into the
hard flesh as he came. His muffled cries sounded around the spent
organ still in his mouth, and he fell away, dropping onto his back
and shuddering with the intensity of the aftershocks.

Fox pulled Alex up and into his arms, scattering soft kisses all
over his face, then turned onto his back, dragging his lover up to
lie on top of him. They lay motionless for quite some time before
Alex drew a deep breath and spoke.

"I could go back to sleep."

"Why don't you?" Fox asked, caressing Alex's back. Clyde has been
out, it's Sunday...it's now pouring..." He kissed the top of the
dark head. "There's nothing pressing that needs to be done."

"What about you?"

"I'm not exactly raring to go. I think I could probably fall asleep
again if you did."

Alex tucked his head under Fox's chin and closed his eyes listening
to the slowing beat of his lover's heart. "I can't remember the last
time we spent the day in bed."

Fox waited for the roll of thunder to fade before answering. "I
know. There always seems to be something else to do." He hugged Alex
tightly. "Not today. I don't care what happens, I'm not letting you
out of this bed."

"We gotta eat sometime today," Alex reminded him.

"If you're hungry, I'll go get whatever you want. But aside from
going to the bathroom, I don't want you out of bed."

Alex lifted his head and stared down at the older man. "Why not?"

Fox traced the swell of Alex's bottom lip with one finger. "Because
you need the rest. Yesterday took a lot out of you. I can see the
fatigue in your eyes."

Alex laughed softly. "If I look so tired, how come you kept me up
last night then wore me out again this morning?"

"To make sure you'd be tired enough to sleep."

"Very noble of you."

The older man nodded. "Wasn't it? Of course, it wasn't all
unselfish."

Alex gasped in mock surprise. "No?"

"No," Fox smirked. "I got a *little* something out of it."

"A *little* something?"

"Yeah. Well...maybe not *so* little."

"Uh huh..."

Fox pulled Alex down for a quick kiss. "You hungry?"

"Not starving. But maybe by the time you're done making me breakfast
I will be."

Fox frowned up at his lover. "*Get*, Alex, I said *get*. I said
nothing about *make*."

Alex displayed a beautifully pathetic pout. He *had* learned well.
"But I like your french toast," he whined softly.

One corner of Fox's mouth twitched. "Don't start that."

Alex lowered his head and nuzzled the other man's throat and chest.
"Lisa..."

Soft, resigned groan. "You're playing dirty."

"Is it working?" Alex asked in a small voice.

"*Yes*. Like you didn't know it would." Fox rolled the younger man
off of him, depositing him on the mattress. "Close your eyes."

Smiling, Alex obeyed the soft command. "What if I fall asleep?"

"That's okay. It'll be at least an hour anyway, so you go ahead and
have a nap. I'll wake you when it's ready." Fox dropped a light kiss
on Alex's nose then his mouth, and he walked into the bathroom.

Still smiling, Alex turned onto his side and snuggled down into the
pillows. In no time at all he began to doze off, but his
semi-conscious state lasted for only as long as Fox took in the
shower. As the older man returned to the bedroom, he woke.

Moving quietly around the room, Fox threw on a pair of faded jeans
and a t-shirt, then looked over toward the bed. A smile curled his
lips, and he walked over to the younger man.

"Thought you were asleep."

"I think I was, but I heard you come out of the bathroom."

"Well, I'm going to go make breakfast now, so you'll have plenty of
quiet for a while." Fox moved a few wisps of hair away from Alex's
face then let his hand drop to his side. "Go back to sleep."

Alex watched Fox leave the room then attempted to recapture the
lethargy that he felt only minutes before.

No luck.

He slipped out of bed and stripped the sheets, replacing them with
crisp, fresh ones, then retreated to the bathroom for a warm shower.
Returning to the bedroom some ten minutes later, he fell into bed
and writhed around on the cool, clean sheets.

"Ahhh. Much better. Now..." He closed his eyes. "...sleep..."

But the intrusion of a few unwelcome thoughts kept sleep well out of
his grasp.

"Ah, shit."

//So, what are you going to do?//

//God, fuck off, would you? Give me one damn day of peace.//

//You'll have lots of peace after you do what you know needs to be
done.//

Alex plunged his fingers into his hair, clutching at the sable
strands. "Jesus."

//You want to be done with it, right? You don't have to be the
little bastard's best friend. Just put yourself in his place.//

//Yeah, *and*? I *never* would have...//

//Okay, nevermind. Bad suggestion. Just try and understand that if
he felt that he had a choice, he never would have done what he did
to you. Have the courage to let the kid off the hook and get on with
his life.//

"*Shit*."

For the next forty-five minutes, Alex lay staring up at the ceiling,
barely noticing that the storm had grown more intense. Only when Fox
had entered the room carrying a tray containing their breakfast did
he refocus his attention.

"You're not asleep," the older man scolded as he placed the tray
down on the bed.

"I know. I couldn't."

Fox looked down at the bed, frowning. "Did you change the sheets?"

"Yeah. Showered and brushed my teeth, too. Thought I'd sleep better
clean."

"No, huh?"

Alex shook his head.

Fox studied his face for a moment, then waved his hand over the
tray, directing the aromas of their breakfast in his direction.
"How's that?"

Alex gave him a forced smile. "Smells great."

Fox's grin faded. "You're not hungry now, are you?"

"Yeah, I am."

//Why do you do that? You know he knows.//

Fox moved the tray aside and looked down at the prone man. "What's
the matter?"

"I don't know." Alex turned his head, looking toward the window. He
passed a number of seconds watching the solid sheet of rain fall
outside. Then, suddenly, he turned back to Fox, his eyes full of
indecision. "Tell me what to do."

Fox's brow creased. "Do about what?"

"I've...I...I've been thinking maybe I should..." He fell silent and
looked back to the window.

"Should what?" Fox pressed gently.

Alex shrugged. "Maybe I should...I don't know...think about being a
little more generous with the kid."

Fox tilted his head slightly to one side. "Matthew?"

"Yeah. I guess it really isn't his fault that he's stupid...and
weak..."

Fox remained silent.

"I mean, it doesn't mean we have to become buddy buddy now, or
anything."

"No, it doesn't."

"I could let him off the hook and then never, ever have to see his
face again."

"You could do that."

Alex turned his attention back to his lover. "So, should I?"

Fox leaned in and kissed the wrinkled brow. "Nobody knows what's
best for you better than you, Alex."

Alex looked up at the other man, his expression one of complete
trust. "You do."

Fox smiled his appreciation. "I could tell you what I think you
should do, but I think you already know what I think. In the end,
babe, it's got to be your decision. You're the one who's going to
live with it for the rest of your life."

Alex lowered his head, fiddling with the sheet. "That's not really
true. *We're* going to live with it. I know which decision will make
you happy. I know which decision makes *me* happy. But I think maybe
I'm just living in the moment, you know? Right now, I hate him. I've
hated him for almost a year, and I can't see myself ever changing my
mind about that. And I keep wondering why I would...why I *should*
have even a speck of compassion for him. Then I think about
everything that was said yesterday...things *you* said last
night...and they make sense. My mind knows they make sense. But in
my heart, all I want to do is rip his lungs out." Alex heaved a long
sigh. "And I think that makes me no better than the man I used to
be. I *want* to be better." He blinked up at Fox. "You deserve
better."

Fox shifted, planting a hand on either side of Alex's head. "There
*is* no better. Not for me."

"But you said I was different. You wanted me the way I used to
be..."

"Yeah. Open and at ease and *happy*. You'd become so closed off from
me. It scared me. You were drifting away from me, and you wouldn't
let me in. All I wanted was to help you. I wanted that hurt that I
could always see in your eyes, gone." Fox kissed the corner of the
younger man's mouth. "If you hated Matthew...if you wanted to tear
him in two, but you were truly at peace with yourself about it, I
wouldn't give a damn. You could despise him for the rest of your
life and beyond, and that'd be fine with me. It's *you*, Alex. It's
the way this is eating at *you* that I can't stand."

Alex reached up, stroking the older man's face. "I don't want you to
ever look at me and see someone you can't stand."

"No, baby, not you. That'd never happen. It's the *situation* I
hate."

"It could've reached that point," Alex interjected. "I was heading
in that direction. It could still happen if I don't do something. I
hated that tension between us. I love you, Fox, and I want things
the way they were. I'm tired of being up and down all the time. I
hate feeling so uncertain. I want off of this damn rollercoaster
that I'm on..."

Fox lowered himself to the mattress, pulling the distraught man into
his arms.

"Help me, lisa..."

"Seems to me you don't need my help." Fox laid soft kiss in Alex's
hair. "I think you know in your heart what to do...even if you *are*
telling yourself you don't want to do it."

"But will it turn out right? Nothing I've done so far has. I thought
I was doing the right thing by ignoring it. Wrong. I thought I was
doing the right thing when I confronted it. Not exactly. What if I
do go ahead and compromise my self-respect and tell the little
weasel that I understand why he felt he *had* to suck my dick and
fuck up my life? What if *that* doesn't straighten me out? What if
it just makes things worse?"

Fox heaved a thoughtful sigh. "You're fighting with yourself, babe.
You're second guessing every thought that goes through your head,
now."

"I *know*," Alex moaned. "That's why I need you to help me." He
pressed closer to Fox. "I trust you."

Fox remained silent for a few seconds, then pulled the younger man
back far enough to see his eyes. "Okay, then, here's what I want you
to do..."

Alex listened attentively.

"Close your eyes. Go back to sleep..."

"What the hell good is..."

"Rest, Alex." Fox kissed his forehead. "You need rest. You're
driving yourself crazy, here. I want you to sleep for as long as
you're able to, and when you wake up and your mind is clear, think
about what it is you want to do. Whatever it is that first comes to
your mind, do it. No but's, no what if's."

Alex frowned up at Fox. "This is logical?"

"Logic ain't everything."

The younger man emitted a soft chuckle but said nothing more.

Fox pulled Alex back against him. "Come on, close your eyes...that's
it. Now, go to sleep."

"What about you?"

"I'll be right here."

Silence, then, "I'm really sorry about breakfast."

"It's okay. But if you decide you're hungry when you wake up, it's
take-out. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Almost twenty minutes later, both men were soundly asleep. The
bedroom door inched open, and Clyde peeked inside, watching the
motionless forms on the bed for a while before creeping into the
room, sniffing the air. The smells of his masters' untouched
breakfast lured him over to the nightstand. One more sidelong glance
at the bed told him the men were still out. The bushy tail began to
swing lazily as he turned his attention back to the bonanza on the
tray...

********************

Fox sighed softly and shifted. The golden-brown lashes fluttered as
he struggled to wake up, and the first thing that came into view
were the alert green eyes of his lover. He smiled and stretched as
Alex planted a light kiss on his nose.

"What time is it?"

"Late afternoon."

"Wow. How long have you been awake?"

"'Bout half an hour."

Fox turned his head, looking around the room then frowned as the
tray came into focus. "You didn't eat that cold food, did you?"

"Uhhh, no."

Fox turned back to Alex. "Clyde was in here."

"That'd be my guess, yeah."

"Damn dog. So...what've you been doing for the past thirty minutes?"

"Not much. Watching you sleep...I did what you said."

"You...oh, yeah? And?"

Alex propped his head up on one hand and looked down at the older
man. "I've come to a decision...I think."

"No second guessing," Fox reminded him.

"Easy for you to say."

Fox smiled up at the younger man. "So, what'd you decide?"

Alex leaned in and kissed the man beneath him. "I'll tell you over
lunch. I'm starving."

"Okay. What do you want?"

A wide grin lit the other's face. "What're you gonna cook for me?"

"No. Oh, no. I told you. Take. Out."

Alex whined softly, nuzzling the older man's cheek.

"Alex, I'm not....*no*...cut it out. I already told you....damn,
you're a pain in my ass." Fox sighed heavily, pushing the younger
man off of him as he prepared to get out of bed. "What the hell do
you want?"

********************

"You've been working on that for days."

Alex grimaced up at the man standing over him. "Five days to be
exact." He sighed softly. "I get three or four paragraphs in and
decide that I hate it. I'm about to give up."

Fox leaned in and kissed the back of Alex's head. "Can I see?"

The younger man sat back and allowed Fox to look over his shoulder.
Seconds later, Fox nodded.

"Yeah, I uh...I see what you mean."

"It's that bad?"

"It ain't good."

"That's it. I give up."

Fox placed his hands on Alex's shoulders to stop him from getting
out of his seat. "No, come on. You can fix it."

"I've been fixing it for almost a week, and it's not getting any
better!" Alex complained. "Maybe somebody's trying to tell me
something."

"Like what?"

"That yet again, I've made the wrong decision."

"Alex." Fox curved a hand against the younger man's cheek and turned
his face up. "You said you trust me, right?"

"Yeah..."

"I don't think you've made the wrong decision. I think maybe you
just need a little direction."

"Thought you said you shouldn't help me with it?" Alex pouted,
looking at the monitor.

"Yeah, I did, but for the sake of your sanity and mine, I believe I
should re-think that."

Fox pulled a chair up next to Alex's and re-read what he'd written.
"See, you're...I think you're shutting off your emotions. This looks
like a form letter."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?"

"Stop thinking so much and just let the words come. Say what you
feel."

Alex squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't know. I..."

Fox covered the younger man's hand with his own. "Just let it go,
baby. You had no problem telling him how you felt at the hotel..."

"That was anger. It was much easier."

"Just write it like you're talking to me, then."

"But it *isn't* you."

"Okay." Fox took a deep breath, thinking for a moment. "All right.
Switch seats."

Puzzled, Alex let Fox sit down in front of the computer, and he
claimed the seat that the older man had just vacated.

"Now." Fox motioned toward himself. "Talk to me. Tell me why you're
writing this."

"'Cause you think I should."

Fox closed his eyes and shook his head. "No. I mean...tell me how
you're feeling. What do you want to accomplish with this. What is it
you need..."

Three hours later, it was finally finished.

"Okay, this is good?" Fox asked, finger paused over the mouse. "You
don't want to add or subtract anything?"

"No, it's fine," Alex shook his head. "God, my head is spinning.
Just hurry up and print it so I can breathe again."

Fox hit 'print' and spun the younger man's chair around to face him.
"Now..." He dropped down onto Alex's lap and wound an arm around his
neck. "Do you remember," he purred, nuzzling Alex's ear, "last week
sometime, I believe, when you were supposed to make some
uh...plans?"

Forgetting all about the last few hours, Alex draped an arm around
Fox's waist and looked up into sparkling hazel eyes. "Plans...oh!
*Those* plans."

"Yeah, *those* plans. I've been good. I've left you alone since
then, but uh...today's Friday."

"So it is." Alex's lips curled into a predatory grin. "You did say a
*whole* weekend, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I know you've been preoccupied, but I was beginning to
think that maybe you forgot..."

"Never," Alex whispered, stroking Fox's thigh. "You at my mercy for
a whole weekend is hardly something I could ever forget."

Fox gave the younger man a seductive smile. "So?"

Alex inhaled slowly, then let the breath out on a soft moan. "What
to do, what to do..."

Fox wiggled in Alex's lap as he nipped at the other man's ear.
"Think of something."

"I don't know, I'm...hey...is that movie still playing?"

"What movie?"

"The one you wanted to see about a month ago."

"You refused to see that movie. You said if I wanted to see it, I'd
have to go alone or con Scully into going with me," Fox reminded
him.

Alex shrugged. "Well, maybe I changed my mind."

"*Why*?"

"What do you mean, why? Can't a guy change his mind?"

Fox eyed him suspiciously. "Yeah. But you're up to something. You've
got this evil little glint in your eyes."

"Me?" Alex asked innocently. "Evil? Lisa..." He squeezed the inside
of his lover's thigh. "I don't even know the meaning of the word."

"Oh, God, where are my hip boots? It's getting deep in here."

Alex chuckled softly, letting his hand inch higher. "Baby, the only
thing that's going to be getting deep is me in your ass."

Fox writhed against the younger man. "I can live with that."

"Why don't you call and see if the movie's still playing?"

"I got a better idea," Fox growled, teasing the interior of his
lover's ear. "Why don't we get naked and you can show me right now
just how deep it's gonna get."

Alex shook his head, grinning up at Fox. "You'll be lucky if you get
some by Sunday morning."

"*What*? Alex...Alex, you're not serious."

The other man lifted his hips, pressing his erection against his
lover's ass. "No?"

"You *can't* be."

"I can't?"

Fox sighed impatiently. "Come on, Alex, you *wouldn't*."

"Wouldn't I?"

"Dammit, stop answering me with questions!"

Alex laughed softly, sending a tremors of dread and excitement
crawling up Fox's spine.

"Alex..."

The younger reached across the desk and picked up the phone, handing
it to Fox.

"Call."

Fox made the call to the theater box office and found out that the
movie was indeed still playing, and if they left fairly soon, they
could catch the nine-thirty p.m. showing. That information in hand,
Alex pushed Fox up off of his lap and dragged the older man into the
bedroom.

"Take your clothes off."

One golden-brown eyebrow arched. "Huh?"

Already beginning to undo his shirt, Alex turned toward the
bathroom. "Get undressed."

A grin of anticipation curved the older man's lips. "Yes, sir..."

As he stripped, Fox heard the shower go on. Seconds later, Alex
walked back into the bedroom completely naked. His eyes traveled the
length of his lover's body, appreciating its beauty as Alex moved
slowly toward him. The younger man stopped when their erect cocks
brushed against each other.

"Let's get wet," Alex whispered, his breath flowing over Fox's lips.

Held only by the heat of the emerald gaze, Fox followed as Alex
backed toward the bathroom. Seconds later, they were standing
beneath a warm spray of water, running soapy bath sponges over each
other.

Alex watched his own hand glide over Fox's chest, leaving a trail of
thick foam as it moved to his shoulder then neck. He inhaled slowly,
forcing himself to remain cool as the older man tilted his head
back, providing him with an incredibly tempting target. Exhaling, he
moved in, gently nuzzling the exposed throat. A soft moan from Fox
shook his resolve, and for a moment the urge to attack the
vulnerable flesh almost overtook him. But he resisted his feral
impulses and instead licked a path up and over the older man's chin
to his lips.

Feeling the teasing flick of Alex's tongue, Fox opened his mouth,
offering his lover access. As their tongues found each other, he let
his hands wander over the length of Alex's back, depositing a layer
of dense lather wherever they touched. As they moved over the
muscled curve of the younger man's ass, he felt Alex's fingers
tighten and release in his hair before making the trek down his own
back to his rear. Both men groaned deeply as each squeezed and
kneaded the hard flesh beneath his fingers, and it was Alex broke
the kiss first.

"If we don't stop this, we're never going to make it to the movie."

"So?" Fox asked, rubbing against him. "I'd much rather get fucked in
the shower than go to a movie, anyway."

Alex closed his eyes and grinned as Fox performed a slow bump and
grind against him.

"Come on, baby," Fox pleaded, licking Alex's jaw. "Fuck me."

"Sorry," Alex breathed against Fox's mouth, earning a frustrated
whine from the other man. "I've got plans for you."

"And what makes you think that if you fuck me now, that'll cancel
out whatever plans you have?"

"I suppose it wouldn't," Alex conceded, spinning the older man
around and pushing him against the tiles.

Trembling, Fox spread his legs as Alex's fingers brushed the crevice
of his ass. He bit back a whimper as he felt one finger tease the
tight entrance, then two. "Please," he whispered, wiggling against
Alex's fingers.

Alex pressed the length of his body along Fox's, pushing his
soap-slick fingers past the small opening. The older man's head fell
back and a sharp gasp escaped past his open lips as Alex thrust his
fingers into him up to the last knuckles and bit gently into his
shoulder.

"That what you want?" Alex asked breathlessly as his fingers found
just the right spot, and Fox howled his approval. One more stroke
over his prostate, and Alex withdrew, leaving the other man clawing
in frustration at the tiles.

"No," Fox gasped. "Alex, n-no..." His protests died a quick death,
and a long, needy moan arose from his throat as his lover's fingers
were replaced by the head of his cock.

"Did you say something?" Alex whispered against Fox's shoulder. The
older man shook his head, quaking in anticipation. Alex grinned and
surged forward, giving Fox only enough time for a hard gasp before
pulling back and again driving into him.

Pinned to the wall, Fox thrust against the cool tiles, seeking some
relief for his aching cock, but Alex became aware of what he was
doing and withdrew, turning the frustrated man to face him.

"No," Fox whimpered, wrapping his arms around Alex's neck and
rubbing against him. "Please don't tease me."

Alex emitted a low, sadistic chuckle. "Moy lisa, you haven't seen
teasing yet."

Fox sobbed softly at the statement. He'd placed himself at Alex's
mercy for the entire weekend, and he knew damn well that his lover
would take full advantage of the offer.

Gently putting a little distance between them, Alex smiled at the
tortured expression on Fox's face. "Come on," he coaxed, finding the
sponges. "Let's finish our shower and get dressed."

Simple words. Words uttered everyday, all over the world by millions
of people.

Coming from Alex they took on an entirely different, completely
twisted meaning. And Fox trembled at the implications. Nevertheless,
he let Alex have the lead. They concluded their shower and stepped
out of the tub, drying each other thoroughly, then he followed Alex
into the bedroom and watched warily as the younger man moved toward
his closet, humming to himself.

Pulling out a pair of jeans and a black shirt, he threw them down
onto the bed and grinned at Fox as he moved to the other man's
closet.

Fox tossed a puzzled look Alex's way as the younger man withdrew
similar attire and walked toward him.

"So, what's with the big-ass grin? There's nothing special or kinky
about that," Fox murmured as he motioned to the clothing.

Alex shrugged. "Nope."

Fox shook his head, still frowning. "So, I repeat. What's with the
grin?"

Alex chuckled softly and laid the items down on the bed. "Don't go
away."

"Now where would I be going butt naked?" Fox called as Alex walked
away. He watched the younger man move across the room and emitted a
deep groan when he stopped in front of what he fondly referred to as
the 'toy chest'.

"Now, lets' see..." Alex stood before the open chest, a slight frown
creasing his brow as he carefully considered his choices.

"Alex..."

Waving impatiently at the older man, Alex bent and plucked a few
items out of the chest. "Yeah, this'll work." He turned and advanced
toward the wary man, a fiendish glimmer in his eyes.

Fox whined a soft complaint but his cock twitched in anticipation as
Alex neared, carrying his favorite torture device and a few other
items.

"Come on, you know you've missed it," Alex teased as he reached for
his lover's cock.

Fox shook his head and whimpered as he attempted to back away, but
Alex stopped him with a firm grip on the rock-hard shaft. "Little
Fox has missed it," he chuckled softly and began to secure the
restraint around his cock.

"Alex...Alex, please..."

Alex looked up and smiled into tortured, amber eyes. "What? Not
tight enough? I can fix that..."

"*No*. It's just...I don't...I don't need it. Take it off...please?"

Alex wasn't budging. "Not a chance. You're mine all weekend."

Trying a different approach, Fox leaned forward, rubbing his cheek
against Alex's. "I'm always yours," he murmured.

"That's true," Alex answered, letting a hand wander up and down the
older man's back.

"You don't need to restrain me," Fox continued softly, trying to
hypnotize Alex into compliance. "I promise, I won't come until you
tell me to."

"Lisa," Alex whispered into the golden-brown hair, "you know you
can't promise that. You might be able to hold on for a little while,
but sooner or later, you'll crack."

"I won't. I..."

Alex shook his head, moving in to nuzzle the older man's throat.
"You will. You won't have a choice..." His voice, soft and
honey-smooth lulled Fox even as it made the older man's nerve
endings tingle. "...your body won't let you hold back." The tip of
his tongue danced over Fox's mouth. "That's why you need my help."

"No..."

Alex moved to Fox's ear, his words humming low and sweet. "Yes. Now
let's get dressed."

Fox looked down at the clothing Alex had thrown on the bed.

"No underwear."

Another devious grin. "I want access to be quick and easy."

"You're going to torture me in the theater, aren't you?"

Alex laughed as they pulled on their clothing. "Torture? Me? Naaah."
As soon as Fox had finished dressing, he picked up the three silk
scarves, gold chain and dildo from the bed and winked at the older
man. "Let's go to the movies, lisa."

Twenty-five torturous minutes later, the two men entered the
virtually deserted theater.

"Well, would you look at this?" Alex cracked. "Empty. Imagine that.
And this is supposed to be such a *good* movie..."

Fox glared in response, and at Alex's direction moved to the seat
nearest the wall in the last row of the darkest corner. He sat down,
wincing at the discomfort in his snug jeans.

"Poor Fox," Alex cooed taking the seat beside him. "Let me make you
more comfortable." He pulled the two scarves out of the inside
pocket of his jacket and began to secure one of Fox's wrists to the
arm of the chair.

"You...you call this comfortable?" Fox whispered as Alex finished
restraining one arm and went to work on the other.

"Don't be so impatient," Alex admonished, accomplishing his task. He
leaned in, scattering a few kisses along Fox's jaw as one hand
skimmed down the front of his lover's shirt and brushed over the
considerable bulge at the front of his jeans. Fox began to squirm as
he undid the button and drew the zipper down.

"Alex..."

"Shhh."

Fox choked back a whimper as Alex reached inside his jeans and
gently pulled his bound cock out.

"There. Better?"

"God...what if somebody walks in?"

"Who *else* is going to want to come see this stupid movie?"

The minute the words were out of Alex's mouth, a couple walked in.
They cast only a very brief glance at the two seated in the back of
the theater and moved to the front row.

"See?" Fox whispered harshly, straining against the scarves.

"It's too dark for them to see anything, and they're moving way down
front," Alex pointed out. "God, I can't believe somebody actually
paid money to watch this."

"*You* paid money."

Alex squeezed the inside of Fox's thigh. "*I* didn't come to watch
the movie."

"Still..." Fox grunted as Alex lowered his head and blew on his
cock. "...you could have done this at home for *nothing*."

"True. And while it's fun to tease you anywhere, it's just a little
bit more enjoyable to do it someplace public."

The theater went from dark to extremely dark, then the screen lit up
and the previews began to roll. Alex turned to Fox, a sudden thought
crossing his mind.

"I'm sorry, Fox, I forgot. You want some popcorn or something?"

Fox's eyes grew wide. "No."

"You sure? I'm going to go get something..."

"*No*. Alex, don't. Don't, you can't leave me..."

"Just for a minute, babe."

"What if somebody else walks in?" Fox pleaded in his softest, most
desperate tone. "I can't fucking move!"

"Fox, it's darker than dark in this corner. Nobody's going to see
anything."

"You don't know that. Alex, please...*please*. Damn, you *bastard*,"
he spat as Alex blew him a kiss and sauntered out the door. Alone
now, he looked nervously to the front, making sure that the only
other people in the place weren't looking at him. Finding them
engrossed only in each other, his eyes slid back to the door,
praying that the next time it opened, it would be Alex walking in.

Crossing his left leg over his right to block the view of anyone who
*might* enter, he groaned softly at the discomfort the action cause.
He pissed as hell with Alex, but he couldn't deny the excited throb
of his cock.

//Damn traitor.//

Brief moments later, a band of light fell across the floor and Fox's
heart began to pound. A tall, dark figure appeared, and though he
could make out none of the man's features, he knew instantly that it
was Alex. The younger man moved to his seat balancing a tub of
popcorn and a large cup of lemonade in his arms. He set the cup down
in the holder provided at the end of the arm of his seat.

"Hi honey, I'm back."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Want some popcorn?"

"I'm not kidding, Alex. You're a dead man."

Alex stuffed a handful of butter drenched popcorn into his mouth
then lifted the cup. "How about some lemonade?"

"So dead, they'll have to bury you twi....ah, *shit*."

Fox's threats died in his throat as Alex leaned down and abruptly
sucked the head of his cock into his mouth.

"God..." his head dropped back and rolled against the top of the
chair. "Oh, God..."

Alex sucked gently, letting his tongue swirl repeatedly over the
swollen head. Hearing the needy moans of the man above him, he
lifted his head, satisfied. "You were saying?"

Fox lifted his head and struggled to open his eyes. Finally able to
focus on the amused, dark gaze, he drew a shaky breath and
whimpered.

"Don't stop."

"But what if someone comes in?" Alex asked innocently, using his
words against him.

"I hate you."

Alex chuckled softly. "Well, guess what, babe? By the time I'm done
with you, you're going to despise me. Now, how about some lemonade?"
He held the straw up to Fox's lips, but the older man refused to
drink.

A tiny grin twitching at the corner of his mouth, Alex sucked some
of the pink liquid up through the straw and turned Fox's face to
his. Placing his mouth over the other man's, he released some of the
lemonade into his mouth. In mere seconds, Fox was drinking eagerly
from him.

Alex pulled back and smiled as he drew a finger down Fox's cheek. "I
just remembered how much you liked that."

Whining softly, Fox licked at his lover's mouth.

"More?"

Fox nodded, and as soon as Alex took in more lemonade, he fastened
his mouth on the younger man's, sucking in the cool liquid.

Deciding Fox had had enough, Alex pulled away and nodded toward the
screen. "Your movie has started."

Panting heavily, Fox turned a glazed, dark gaze on the other man.
"Fuck the movie."

"Aww, c'mon, lisa. You've been dying to see this. It's okay, you
watch it. I'll find something to keep myself entertained."

Fox bucked involuntarily as Alex slowly undid his own jeans and
withdrew his cock.

"No. God, no, Alex. Don't do this to me..."

"Don't do what?" Alex asked softly, letting his fingers graze the
velvety surface of his cock.

"I can't touch you..."

"That, sweet baby, is the idea."

"Sadistic prick."

"I love you, too." Alex again reached into his pocket and withdrew
the dildo and chain. Snapping the catch at the end of the chain onto
the ring at the end of the cock straps, Alex drew the length up
snugly over Fox's chest and over his shoulder, securing the other
end of the chain to the back of the arm of the chair.

Fox's hips began to move, increasing tension on the chain and his
cock, and though it was pure torture, he couldn't bring himself to
stop.

"You're only going to drive yourself crazy," Alex crooned into the
trembling man's ear. "You know you can't come."

Fox whimpers grew a bit louder as he continued to struggle against
the chain. Alex's gaze moved quickly to the couple down front, but
they were so busy groping each other that neither had taken notice
of the sounds. Still, he thought he should take no chances. He
pulled the third and last scarf out of his pocket and efficiently
tied it over Fox's mouth.

Fox closed his eyes, sobbing desperately as each new offense
stimulated him a bit farther past the point which he thought he
could stand.

"You have to be quiet, lisa," Alex warned sweetly. "I don't think
our friends down there are interested in us, but you never know."
Alex looked back toward the front, finding that he could only see
the head of the male now. "Look, babe." He directed Fox's attention
to the first row. "She's sucking his dick," he whispered, nipping at
the older man's earlobe. "See? They're just as kinky as we are."

Fox's muffled whine regained Alex's attention, and he lifted the
dildo to his lips, licking lightly at the head.

"You can't actually see her, but..." He drew his tongue up the
length of the object in his hand. "You want to watch me?"

Fox jerked frantically at the chain, trying in vain to relieve his
torment as Alex leaned back against his seat and sucked the dildo
into his mouth while his free hand began to slowly milk his own
cock.

A long sigh broke past Alex's lips as he released the dildo and
began licking the length of it. His hand worked faster, sliding up
and down his engorged shaft. The sounds of Fox's vague whimpers
spurred him on, and he again swallowed the length of the rubber
shaft. He jerked himself more insistently, feeling the warm tingles
start at the base of his spine. Any second now, he was going to
come, and though the thought of stopping it had flitted across his
mind, he continued, knowing the only way he was going to tease Fox
for as long as he'd planned to, was to remain relaxed and in
control.

Fox watched his lover writhing and moaning as he stimulated himself,
and the agony tripled. *He* wanted to be in that exquisite mouth.
Jesus, he needed to be. But he'd gone and opened his mouth and told
Alex that he'd spend the entire weekend doing what *he* wanted, and
now that's exactly what he was doing.

//Fucking idiot. You *know* how sadistic he can be.//

He watched Alex buck and grunt as he came over his fist, and every
nerve in his body throbbed.

//Yeah, and isn't he beautiful...//

Alex pulled the dildo from his mouth and slumped in his seat,
panting softly. Long seconds later, he gathered up a handful of
napkins and cleaned himself up.

"God, I feel better." He grinned over at the restrained man beside
him. "How're you doin', babe? Enjoying the movie?"

Through the gag Fox managed a snarl, and the furious glint in his
eyes told Alex all he needed to know.

"Guess not." Alex reached over and petted his lover's cock. "Would
you rather be doing something else?"

Fox immediately submitted, arching against Alex's touch. The younger
man grinned and lowered his head, planting a few kisses along the
leather-bound cock, and a loud, unfamiliar grunt brought his head
up. He looked at Fox, whose attention had already switched to the
couple in the front row.

The male of the pair stiffened in his seat, his lower body jerking
erratically as he came loudly then slumped in his seat. Seconds
later, the female lifted her head, coughing and began to curse the
man.

"You prick, I *told* you I didn't like to swallow!"

Alex burst into laughter while his immobile lover tipped his head
back, groaning softly. He watched the woman storm up the aisle while
the man fumbled with his jeans and began to follow her.

"C'mon, Terry, don't get mad. I thought you *wanted* to."

"*Wanted* to?!?" The irate woman tossed over her shoulder as her
passed Alex and Fox. "You held my head down, you asshole!"

"I'm sorry! I...I just tensed up. I didn't know..."

One after the other, the couple disappeared out the door, leaving
the two men alone in the theater.

"Now, *that* was worth the price of admission," Alex said to Fox,
his eyes sparkling with glee.

Unable to think of anything other than his own suffering, the older
man whimpered piteously, eyes pleading for mercy.

Alex's grin faded into a tiny trace of a smirk. "You're not amused,
are you?"

Fox lowered his head, doing his best to appear pathetic.

"So, you don't want to finish the movie?"

Slow shake of the golden-brown head.

"Want to go home?"

Head still hanging low, Fox nodded.

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Alex removed the scarf from
Fox's mouth and turned the older man's face up for a tender kiss.
"But, you know what?" he whispered. "Going home doesn't help you
much. You're still not going to come until I'm damn good and ready."

Alex untied Fox's wrists, unsnapped the chain, and tucked him back
into his jeans. Stuffing all of his toys back into his pockets, he
rose and held his hand out to the older man. "Ready?"

Fox closed his eyes momentarily then took Alex's hand and let
himself be led out of the theater. Once inside the car, he slid
across the seat moving as close to the younger man as he could. His
hand crept up Alex's thigh, and he nuzzled the lightly stubbled jaw.

"Alex..."

"Hey. You know what?"

Fox groaned, knowing that Alex was about to do or say something else
he wasn't going to be thrilled about.

"I'm starving. Let's go have something to eat before we go home."

Fox lowered his head to Alex's shoulder and said nothing.

"You hungry, lisa?"

"What if I said no?" Fox asked, a forlorn hum to his voice.

Alex shrugged. "It'd be a lot nicer if we could have a nice,
leisurely dinner *together*, but as I said, I'm starving, and I
gotta have something. Besides," he purred, curving his arm up around
Fox's face and petting his head, "I need to keep my energy up.
Wouldn't want to fall asleep on you in the middle of
anything...important."

The ensuing silence did nothing to dissuade Alex from his course.
"Maybe once we get there and you start smelling the food, you'll
find your appetite."

//Or maybe I'll just die right there at the table, and you'll have
to explain to the police why you're having dinner next to a
corpse...a federal agent corpse wearing a cockstrap...//

Arriving at a small, dimly lit pub, the men were immediately met by
a perky young woman.

"Hi! My name's Amy, and welcome to Brannigan's. Would you gentlemen
prefer smoking or non?"

Alex gave her an amused smirk. "Non, please."

"Okay, great. Follow me."

The girl led them to a table in one of the busier sections of the
pub.

"How's this?"

Alex wrinkled his nose, looking to his silent lover. "Nah. Could we
have something a little more out of the way? More private."

"Well...I could seat you back there," the girl offered, pointing to
a dark corner of the dining room, "but unfortunately, customers
kinda get forgotten when they're far removed from the busier
sections. I mean, not actually completely forgotten, but service is
a little slower, you know?"

"That's fine," Alex smiled. "We're in no rush." He paused to nuzzle
the other man's cheek. "Right, lisa?"

Amy's jaw went slack, but seconds later, the perkiness was back in
place. "All righty then." She guided the two men to a table at the
very rear of the pub and stood, uncomfortably shifting from one foot
to the other as Alex took the seat beside Fox and ran his palm over
the shimmering surface of his hair then pressed a kiss to his
temple.

"M-menus are right there," she pointed to the colorful, laminated
cards at the edge of the table. "I'll go let Jenny know that you're
here."

As the girl rushed away, Alex broke into soft giggles. "Think we've
scared Miss Teen America for life?"

More silence.

Alex slid two fingers under Fox's chin and lifted. "What's the
matter, babe? Cat got your tongue?"

Gilded eyes rose to sparkling green, holding them entranced as Fox
leaned forward and covered Alex's mouth with his own. The younger
man's moan vibrated on his lips as his tongue slithered out to
caress the soft interior. An eternity later, he withdrew staring at
Alex through a curtain of golden-brown lashes.

Alex cleared his throat and gave the other man a hint of a smile.
"Guess not."

Just as Alex had begun to lean in for another kiss, a nervous
feminine voice interrupted.

"Hi guys. I'm uh...I'm..."

Alex smirked up at the girl, roughly the same age as the first.
"Jenny?"

"Yeah. Jenny. I'm Jenny, and I'll be your server tonight. Would you
like to start off with a drink? An appetizer maybe?"

"Sure, that sounds good." Alex looked down at the menu. "Uh..." He
again looked to his quiet companion. "Some wine, Fox?"

"Okay." So softly spoken, that aside from the motion of his lips,
the server would have sworn he'd never spoken the word at all.

Jenny shifted her attention from him to the spokesman and waited.

"White wine. And..." He looked back at the bill of fare. "The
sampler platter, I guess."

The girl nodded and gave them a cautious smile. "I'll be back in a
few with your wine."

The girl left them alone, and Alex again turned his full attention
on the older man. "Where were we?"

Once more, Fox lifted his eyes to his lover's, and his tongue inched
out to moisten exquisitely generous lips. Tentatively he leaned
closer, brushing Alex's mouth with his own.

"Oh, yeah," Alex murmured, gently accepting the offer. Lazily, he
teased Fox's mouth while one hand combed aimlessly through his hair.
Breaking the kiss long moments later, he smiled down into
lust-glazed eyes. "Have I told you today how gorgeous you are?"

Fox's only response was to nuzzle the younger man's shoulder.

"Do you know how turned on I am right now? Do you know how much I'd
love to pull you onto my lap and grind my cock against your
ass...I'm hard again, you know."

Fox closed his eyes, and his body trembled slightly as Alex took his
hand and laid it over his crotch.

"See?" the younger man whispered close to his ear. "I came only an
hour ago, and already it's like a brick. You do that to me. With
those eyes...the way they look at me...begging...and that
beautiful...fucking unbelievable mouth." He caressed the pouting
lower lip. "So soft on mine...it feels like warm velvet around my
cock..."

Fox drew a shaky breath and opened his mouth, letting Alex's finger
slide between his lips. Gently, he sucked on the digit, moaning in
protest when Alex pulled it away.

"How can I not be hard fifteen times a day when I live with such an
outrageous slut?" He stopped talking for a moment, words giving way
to a long, low groan as Fox began to massage the bulge beneath his
hand. When he had again composed himself, he pulled the tablecloth
up over his lap, blocking anyone's view of what was happening
underneath, and starting giving instructions.

"Unzip me."

Glancing once around the room, obeyed the soft command and slipped
his hand inside his lover's jeans.

"Good," Alex whispered. "That's good...easy...nice and slow..." As
Fox gently worked his cock, the server approached. "Don't stop," he
warned. "Just take it easy."

Fox's heart leapt in his chest, throbbing in concert with his
restrained cock as he caressed his lover under the tablecloth. Jenny
came to a stop in front of the table, balancing a tray in her left
hand, smiling uneasily at her customers.

"Okay, here we go. Two white wines. The appetizers should be out
shortly."

Only slightly less composed than he was, Alex thanked the girl and
allowed her to leave. The moment she was out of ear shot, he turned
and spoke to Fox.

"Put some napkins down over my shirt and get me off before she comes
back."

Fox neatly draped four napkins over the younger man's waist, and as
smoothly as he could, began to quickly pump his cock.

Alex closed his eyes and tilted his head back, panting softly
through parted lips as his body continued to tighten to the point of
breaking.

"That's it," he gasped. "Almost...just another...God...aww, baby..."

Fox watched longingly as Alex gritted his teeth and shuddered
violently as he drenched the napkins and his lover's hand. His body
screamed for the same release, but he had the sinking feeling that
Alex wasn't finished with him yet.

Sable eyelashes lifted and fluttered slowly. A satisfied gleam
coated the green eyes, and Alex raised his head and smiled serenely
at his lover.

"Thank you, lisa."

Fox removed and folded the soiled napkins, wrapped them in a few
more clean napkins, then pushed them to the far end of the table. He
then looked down at his hand. Raising his eyes to Alex's, he lifted
the hand to his mouth, but the younger man's fingers closed around
his wrist. Smiling, Alex pulled the hand toward his own mouth and
licked away all traces of his own semen. Pushed about as close to
the edge as he could get, Fox's legs twitched spasmodically, and he
practically sobbed his lover's name.

"Alex..."

The other man's lashes swept upward, and he inhaled deeply, nerves
tingling at the look of agony on Fox's face.

"You suffering, baby?"

Whimpering, Fox nodded.

"You still love me?"

The golden-brown head dropped to Alex's shoulder and Fox nodded
again, stroking his chest.

"Even if I keep that thing on you until sometime tomorrow?"

The reappearance of the server interrupted Fox's horrified response.

"Okay, guys, here's your..." The girl looked up, seeing the quiet
man practically sitting in the other's lap, clinging to him, and
lost her train of thought. "Uh...your uh...appetizers. W-would you
care to order dinner now?"

Alex looked down at the heaping platter then over at his tormented
lover. "You know, I think this might do us. There's a hell of a lot
of food here."

"Okay, well, uh...if you..." She stopped in mid-sentence, watching
the dark-haired man lift a mozzarella stick to the other's mouth and
brush it across his lower lip, coaxing him to take a bite. "...need
anything else..."

Alex thanked her absently, his attention not deviating for a moment
from his lover's tempting mouth. The girl disappeared quickly, and
he leaned in for a playful nip at Fox's chin.

"Good?"

Fox shrugged and accepted more of the appetizer. Swallowing the
contents in his mouth, he turned pleading eyes up to the younger
man.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"You wouldn't really...you won't make me wait till tomorrow, will
you?"

"Think what it'll feel like," Alex murmured, "if it keeps
building...and building. The explosion'll be fantastic."

"But I can't wait that long," Fox complained, refusing an offer of a
bacon-topped potato skin. "Don't make me."

"Mine for the weekend," Alex sang softly. "Remember?"

//That's right, stupid. That's what you told him.//

"I remember."

Alex smiled and bestowed a sweet kiss on the older man's cheek. "You
and I are gonna raise the roof before this is over, I promise. Now,
let's eat before this stuff gets cold, then we can go home, okay?"

Now, there was a promise he couldn't ignore.

Fox ate a bit more, leaving most of the food to his ravenous lover,
and when the platter was clean and the glasses drained, Alex tracked
Jenny down, paid the tab, and the two men headed for home.

Fox sat in the passenger's seat, dying a thousand deaths as Alex
took the scenic route home, but he remained silent. The only sign of
life he showed was the slow, strained rise and fall of his chest.
Alex took notice and reached across the seat to stroke his lover's
cheek.

"Beautiful night, isn't it?"

"You said we were going home," Fox rasped as he curled up on the
seat.

"We are. It's just that it was such a nice, clear night, I thought
you might like to take the long way home. You know how a nice, long
drive usually relaxes you."

Not tonight. A handful a valium and a bottle of Jack couldn't relax
him after what Alex had done to him the last few hours. And now, the
younger man's hand creeping across the seat and into his lap pretty
well insured that calm would be the last thing he felt.

Fox's whole body jerked, and he released a pained groan as Alex
petted his leather-bound cock.

"Easy, babe. What are you going to do when in a few minutes I'm
biting the insides of your thighs?"

Fox's fingers clenched in the leather of the seat. "God,
Alex....please..."

"You don't have to beg, love," Alex purred, now squeezing the muscle
beneath his hand. "I love sinking my teeth into you. I love looking
at you the next morning and seeing my marks on your perfect skin..."

Fox shuddered as Alex words and the motion of his hand wound him a
bit tighter.

"Please, stop. I can't...Alex, I can't..."

"What you can't do, baby, is come. Everything else is my call."

Fox slumped against the seat and lowered his head.

The ache. God, the ache was unbearable. Yet, somehow it fed Fox's
excitement, and though outwardly he presented the picture of a man
dying to put an end to his torture, deep in his heart, he was
reveling in the every sadistic act that Alex perpetrated upon his
mind and body.

Alex knew that. As surely as he knew his own name, and so he
continued.

"We're almost home, Fox. Unbutton your shirt for me."

Obediently, Fox began to work on the fastenings of his shirt as
efficiently as his shaking fingers would allow. By the time he'd
completed his task, Alex was pulling slowly into the driveway. The
garage door opened, and the Porsche rumbled to a stop inside.

The two men exited the car, and Alex led the way into the house. The
moment they hit the door, Clyde was there, yapping and whining.

"I'd better take him out." Alex drew his knuckles down Fox's bared
chest. "Why don't you go wait for me in the bedroom?" As Fox moved
to leave, Alex grasped his upper arm and turned him back. "And," he
murmured, "*don't* take anything off."

Fox stepped forward, pressing their bodies together. "Nothing?" he
asked, drawing his tongue across Alex's lips.

The younger man shook his head, brushing his fingers across one
rigid nipple. "I want to be there to watch you. Now, get going."

Fox moaned softly and headed into the bedroom. Once there, he lay
down on the bed, forcing himself to breathe deeply and evenly.

//It's going to be a long night, Mulder. You gotta relax. It's the
only way you're going to make it through this without losing your
mind...//

Some ten minutes later, everything he'd told himself went staight to
hell in a handbasket.

Feeling that he was no longer alone, Fox opened his eyes and looked
toward the door.

"Thought you might have been asleep."

Gilded eyes swept over the length of the body standing not more than
eight feet away.

Gloriously naked, Alex stalked slowly toward the man on the bed, a
feral gleam in his eyes.

Mesmerizing.

Fox drew himself up, watching the smooth flow of muscle under satiny
skin. Years later, the beauty of this man he was blessed enough to
call his, awed him still. And his breath left him, only to return
seconds later with a rush, bringing with it all of the excitement
and anticipation that it had countless times before.

"Who can sleep?"

"It isn't impossible."

As Alex reached him, Fox raised a hand to his thigh, gently skimming
the hard flesh as their eyes met. "Of course it is."

A tiny trace of a smile appeared, and Alex grasped the hand on his
leg just before it reached his reinvigorated cock. Bringing it up to
his mouth, he kissed the palm and whispered against it.

"Take your clothes off, lisa."

Never letting his gaze wander from the other man's, Fox rose up on
his knees and began to slide the already unbuttoned shirt off. As it
dropped to the mattress, his movements stilled and his respiration
deepened as Alex leaned in to lick a path from his shoulder to his
neck.

"Take your pants off," Alex moaned, his lips reaching the older
man's ear.

Willing his hands to cooperate, Fox undid his jeans and pushed them
down as far as his knees. Reluctantly, he pushed away from Alex's
warmth and sat down on the bed to remove the pants and shoes. Now
completely naked except for the cock restraint, he again rose to his
knees.

Alex let out a long sigh, feeling the silky glide of skin on skin as
Fox rubbed against him.

"You feel better than a high-priced stripper, you know that?" Alex
murmured, humor tingeing his voice.

Fox pulled himself out of his rapturous state long enough to shoot
his lover a questioning look.

"You know..." Alex ran his hands over Fox's shoulders and back.
"...soft. Smooth..."

"How would *you* know?" the older man breathed against Alex's mouth.

"I had one once...a couple of times, actually."

Fox drew his head back, staring pointedly at the other. "*When*?"

Alex smirked at the distressed query. "Remember when I stayed at
your apartment after I was wounded?"

"Yeah..."

"Don't you remember me telling you that I wanted you so much but I
thought I could never have you, so I went on a rampage, doing a
whole bunch of men *and* women?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"It was during that time."

A look of relief washed over Fox's face.

Alex cocked his head and smiled sweetly at the other man.
"Lisa...you weren't thinking that I'd been with someone else after
we got together."

"N-no..."

"Yes, you were."

Fox shook his head silently. His eyes dropped closed for a brief
second then opened again, focusing on the intense green gaze in
front of him.

"Never," Alex whispered, stroking the long back. "From that first
day there was only you. You know that."

Looking a bit more confident, Fox nodded and gave the younger man a
bit of a smile.

Alex moved in, brushing the ridiculously luscious lips with his own.
"Ask me."

Golden-brown lashes swept upward, and Fox fell into Alex's loving
gaze. It had been a long time, though he'd never forgotten the words
so often spoken between them when their relationship was new.

"Who do you belong to?"

Alex lowered Fox to the bed and stretched himself out over the
length of his lover's body.

"You."

Fox arched upward, pressing himself against Alex and forcing a groan
from each of them. "And I'm yours."

A smile twitched at one corner of Alex's mouth. "Yes, you are."

The older man began to writhe against him. "Then *do* something with
me."

Soft chuckle. "Like?"

Gold splashed eyes smoldered up at Alex. "Make me scream your name."

"That's the plan."

"Now, okay?"

"Sorry, sweetheart. That's not part of the plan."

"Plans change," Fox purred, licking Alex's jaw.

"Not tonight, they don't."

"Sadistic bastard. I thought you loved me."

"I adore you, lisa."

"Then, how can you do this to me? "

"Because you love it." Alex threaded the fingers of one hand through
the older man's hair, pulling his head back at an almost
uncomfortable angle. "Because you want it. You can protest from now
till Christmas, but your eyes tell me what you really want."

"Yeah?" Fox challenged softly. "And what's that?"

The corner of Alex's mouth twitched. "You want me to torture you
until you're sure your body'll break in two..."

Fox squirmed beneath the younger man but said nothing.

"You want me to make you beg and plead for mercy, but you don't want
me to give it to you." He smiled at the low mewling sound now
escaping past Fox's lips. "Don't worry, pretty Fox. I wouldn't dream
of it."

Alex's weight was promptly removed from his body, leaving Fox
whimpering in protest. His glazed eyes followed the younger man as
he prowled over in the direction of their 'toy' chest and soon
returned with an armload of items.

"Turn over."

Slowly, Fox did as he was asked and waited for what was to come. His
muscles twitched and tightened as a smooth, slick object pressed
between his ass cheeks, insisting that the small, hidden opening
yield to its pressure. He choked off a gasp as he felt himself
stretched and filled, and when the butt plug was securely in place,
Alex pulled his arms behind his back and cuffed his wrists.

"Very nice," Alex whispered, letting one hand glide over Fox's ass.
"Just one more thing." Deftly blindfolding his lover, he grinned
down at the picture before him. "How's that?"

Momentarily beyond speech, Fox lay trembling and moaning softly.
Then Alex's hands were on him, pulling and lifting; moving him from
the bed and raising him to a standing position. Smoldering green
eyes roamed over his body, followed by knowing fingers, stroking and
teasing the overheated flesh.

"On your knees, Fox."

Unable to use his arms for balance, Fox sank slowly to the floor and
waited. Alex's fingertips passed over his trembling lower lip, and
seconds later, he detected a presence very near his face.
Instinctively, he opened his mouth and accepted the entire length of
his lover's cock...

Alex watched as every last inch disappeared past those incredible
lips, and his body shuddered blissfully. Gently, he threaded his
fingers through Fox's hair and began to move. The small vibration of
the older man's moan sent a tingle along the sensitized shaft, and
before he'd even realized it his hips were pumping steadily,
repeatedly shoving his cock down Fox's throat.

Fox sank lower, giving Alex and the himself the best, most
comfortable angle, and as he prepared for the explosion that seemed
more than a bit inevitable, Alex regained just enough composure to
pull out of his mouth and drag him to his feet. Without a word from
his unseen lover, he was spun around and pushed face down onto the
bed. There was a brief flurry of movement, then Alex's hands grasped
his hips and pulled him up on his knees. The pillows muffled his cry
as the butt plug was removed, and Alex's cock took its place.

Unwilling and unable to stop the torrent of lust now crashing
through him, Alex grabbed a handful of golden-brown hair while
steadying Fox's hip with the other, and slammed into him. His head
snapped back, and a long snarl pierced the air as the force of the
action took him to within a hair's breadth of release. He paused for
mere seconds, trying to hold it off, but there was no way. Not this
close. He tightened his grip and initiated an all out assault,
bucking violently against the man beneath him.

The feel of Alex so hard and deep in his ass, hitting his prostate
on almost every stroke, the continual throb of his cock within its
restraints, and his inability to relieve it drove Fox way past the
point of insanity. He whimpered frantically, praying for Alex to
come even though he knew with all certainty that *he* would not be
allowed to. At this point, all he wanted was for the intolerable
stimulation to stop.

In answer to Fox's prayers, Alex's body began an uncontrollable
series of spasms as he came for the third time that evening. His
harsh cries turned to exhausted gasps as he emptied himself into his
tortured lover, and he fell to the mattress, curling up on his side.
Fox sank down beside him, lying flat on his stomach, hips
occasionally pushing into the rumpled sheets...waiting. And waiting.

And waiting.

Seconds turned into minutes, turned into an eternity, and still
there was nothing. Only the soft, steady breaths that generally
meant that Alex would soon if not already be asleep.

"Alex."

No response.

Fox shifted in the direction of the sounds, gently butting his head
against what turned out to be Alex's shoulder. "Alex, please.
Don't...I can't...Alex..."

Still, no answer.

Whining insistently, he inched closer, struggling to his side and
rubbing his bound cock against the younger man's hip.

Alex flinched and moaned, firmly pushing Fox away. "Go to sleep," he
muttered then fell silent, leaving Fox unsatisfied and miles beyond
frustrated.

"C'mon, Alex," Fox pressed. "I'm serious, now. I can't take
anymore."

"Shh." "No...*no*. Get this thing *off* me," he demanded, beginning
to thrash around on the bed. He felt sudden movement, and all at
once he was being uncuffed and shoved onto his back, where Alex
proceeded to shackle him to the bed. His chest heaved with the
excitement of being restrained further, and his cock screamed in
anticipation of exactly what, he wasn't sure.

"Alex...baby..." Fox squirmed and writhed, attempting to entice the
other man. "I need you so much..."

"Sorry, lisa," Alex sighed wearily. "I'm worn out. Need some sleep."

"You *can't*," Fox wailed, straining against the bindings.

"Yes, I can," Alex corrected. "It's *you* who can't."

"Fucking son of a..." Fox's curses were abruptly cut off a Alex
covered his mouth with a strip of silky material. Crossing the cloth
behind Fox's head, he brought the two ends back around front and
tied them in a knot over the older man's mouth.

"Night, baby doll."

Fox growled at the soft brush of Alex's lips at his temple, then lay
panting as he felt the younger man settle into a comfortable
position.

Bastard. Fucking sadistic...

No. This went farther than that. It was vile. It was evil, it was...

Jesus, it was such an incredible fucking turn on. Alex had left him
hanging before...a few hours at the most, but all night? Restrained
and gagged and deprived of a good many of his senses...

And enjoying the hell out of it.

God, he was kinkier than he ever would have dreamed. Yet he couldn't
find it anywhere within himself to be shocked or disgusted.

Fox settled down, concentrated on taking calming breaths, and began
to think.

All this time together...all these years, and still Alex was coming
up with new ways to excite him. Okay, maybe not *new*...they had
frequently engaged in a little light bondage, but had never gone
quite this far before. Fox began to wonder how much farther they had
yet to go. The possibilities made his blood pressure rise, and his
cock throb.

//Down, boy. Easy. It's going to be a long, long night if you don't
get control.//

He thought of the persistent ache between his legs and whimpered
softly.

//It's *already* been a long, long night.//

He stopped listening to himself for a moment, and tuned in to his
lover. Not a sound from Alex except for the slow, even sounds of
sleep.

//Unfuckingbelievable. I could never torture him for this long and
then just fall asleep on him. I couldn't...//

//Please. Don't go getting all self-righteous. You could, and you
will first chance you get. Pay back's a bitch, bay-bee. And think
about how fucking gorgeous *he'd* be in this position. Shit, you'd
drag it out too, and you know it.//

Fox laughed to himself.

//Yeah, okay, maybe I would.//

//Damn right. Now, just relax. If you can't sleep, use the time to
make your plans for *him*.//

A smile formed behind the strip of silk as Fox plotted and planned
his revenge. He was still smiling when he fell asleep.

********************

//Oh, God...//

It was no dream. That was the teasing flick of a tongue over his
nipple.

Before his mind had completely awakened, Fox's body had, throbbing
to full consciousness.

A hand. Caressing the inside of one thigh.

Fox began to twitch, and he couldn't hold back to low moan that
sounded deep in his throat.

A voice. Soft and rich and smooth as the silk that covered his
mouth.

"Good morning, my love."

Morning? He'd slept the entire night?

No, he couldn't have. There was no possible way...

A gentle tugging began at the knot over his mouth, and soon the gag
was pulled away. Fox's mouth fell open, and he took in a number of
long, cleansing breaths, sounding Alex's name on the last one.
Fingertips brushed his lower lip, and he voiced a request.

"Bathroom."

Alex pulled himself up, resting on one elbow and smiled down at his
lover. "Yeah, I suppose that might be a good idea. All right, but
you behave yourself, okay?"

Fox nodded silently and waited while Alex released his wrists from
their bonds. That done, he felt the younger man's hand then move
down to his cock.

"Remember," Alex warned softly. Incurring another nod, he slowly
undid the straps, setting the older man's cock free for the first
time since last night.

Fox choked back more than a few whimpers but managed to keep himself
together. Still blindfolded, he let Alex lead him into the bathroom
and point him in the direction of the toilet. As he relieved
himself, Alex stood behind him, gently caressing his back and ass.

"You're beautiful in the morning," Alex whispered into the hair at
the back of his neck. "So warm...soft flush to your skin..."

Fox lowered his head and stood trembling, letting Alex's words
blanket him in tingling heat. He managed to concentrate on what he
was doing, and when he was finished, was nudged to one side while
Alex urinated as well.

"How about some breakfast?"

The golden-brown head snapped up for a brief moment then slowly
lowered again. The older man answered with silence.

Even though Fox's eyes were still covered, Alex could read his
lover's emotions easily enough in his posture and exquisite pout of
his lips. He walked them both over to the sink, where they washed
their hands, then he led Fox back to the bedroom.

Fox allowed himself to be laid back against the pillows, and then he
felt the further depression of the mattress as Alex straddled him.

"You never answered me, Fox," Alex purred, letting his breath flow
over his lover's mouth. "Are you hungry?"

Remaining speechless, Fox turned his head away.

"Should I take that as a no?" Alex waited but no answer was
forthcoming. One corner of his mouth twitched up into a knowing
smirk. "So, you're giving me the silent treatment, huh? Pissed that
I left you shackled and unsatisfied all night?"

Nothing.

The smirk grew into a grin.

//So, it continues.//

Alex lightly traced a path along the stubbled jaw with the tip of
his tongue. "Talk to me, lisa."

More silence.

"Do I have to *make* you talk? .....I guess I do." He retrieved the
wrist restraints, and as he moved to grasp one wrist, Fox began to
fight. Caught off guard for just a second, Alex lost his grip on the
other man, and they struggled for quite a while before he was able
to regain control.

"Bad move, Fox," Alex gasped as he managed to secure the writhing
man's wrists to the bed. "That little stunt didn't exactly help your
situation any." He leaned in, murmuring seductively into Fox's ear.
"But I'll tell you what it did for me." He reared back and grasped
the tube of lubrication from the floor, where he'd dropped it the
previous night. "It made me hot as hell. You know how I love a good
fight."

Quickly, Alex applied a coating of gel to his cock and pulled Fox
forward and into position.

"No...no..."

"Ohhhh, you found your voice?" Alex asked, arousal tempering the
amusement in his tone. "And since when don't you want to get
fucked?"

Not waiting to see if Fox would answer this time, Alex surged
forward, burying himself inside the other man with one hard thrust.

Fox's surprised cry mutated into frustrated sobs as Alex fucked him
mercilessly, pounding harder and faster into him until he came mere
seconds later.

Momentarily weakened by the frantic release of energy, Alex fell
forward onto his forearms, panting heavily for some time before
rolling into a sitting position. "You know," he gasped softly,
directing his conversation at the trembling man beside him, "I was
going to end it earlier...when we woke up. But you went and got all
bitchy on me. So, now I think we'll have to just continue it a while
longer."

"No," Fox whimpered. "Don't. Please, Alex. I didn't mean to...I'm
just..."

"Just what?"

"Frustrated." Fox turned his face to nuzzle the hand that had come
down to stroke his cheek. "Please," he whispered into the warm palm
before licking the faintly salty skin.

There was silence for what seemed to Fox like an eternity, then
Alex's weight lifted from the bed.

"I'm starving. I'm going to go shower and get some breakfast."

//No. He wouldn't. He...//

//What d'you mean, he wouldn't? He's *Alex*.//

//God, I'm fucked.//

//Yep, and you haven't shot a single load...//

Fox's sob stopped Alex at the bathroom door. "Did you say something
lisa?"

"Fuck you."

Alex chuckled softly at the whispered curse. "Wish you could, don't
you?" And with that, he disappeared into the bathroom leaving Fox
more frustrated than he could remember being in a long, long time.

//Well, what the hell did you expect? Cursing at him isn't exactly
going to get you what you want.//

//Yeah, well, neither is being sweet or submissive. Face it. He's
the devil.//

Fox shook his head and managed a smile in the face of his agony.

//And you love him desperately.//

********************

Alex stood under the warm spray, letting the water push the thick
lather away as he rubbed the bath sponge over his as yet unsatisfied
body.

Yes, he'd come several times since last night, but he'd only be
truly satisfied when he had Fox wrapped around him, screaming his
name as they came together. And God, as worked up as he was, he'd be
screaming himself hoarse.

Alex smiled at the thought of Fox trying to explain to Scully
tomorrow why he'd suddenly lost his voice...

Several minutes later, Alex shut the shower off and reached for a
towel. As he dried himself, he padded quietly to the door to see
what Fox was doing...not that he could do much tied to the bed, but
still, Alex wanted to have a look. His breath left him slowly as he
observed the figure stretched out on the mattress.

//Jesus.//

All his wildest, wettest dreams come true. Lying there. So
beautiful. So goddamn, fucking sexy.

His.

All his.

Alex closed his eyes, shuddering at the quick reawakening of his
cock. A sound from the bed drew his attention, and his eyes opened
in time to find Fox squirming as Alex's name fell from his lips in a
very soft, very tortured moan. His cock pulsed in answer, and before
his brain had time to catch up, he was moving toward the bed.

"You called?"

Fox turned his head in the direction of the smoky voice. "No."

"Sounded like my name."

"Thought you were going to go have breakfast?"

"I am," Alex answered lightly, his eyes fixed on the flushed
fullness of his lover's mouth. "But first, I thought you should have
some."

"Not hungry."

"No?" Alex slid up on the bed, positioning his hips parallel to
Fox's head. Sliding the fingers of one hand through the older man's
hair, he turned his head to the side. He grasped his cock at the
base with the other hand and brushed the head gently over Fox's
lips.

Fox stifled a hungry moan and attempted to draw back, but Alex held
his head firmly.

"Tell me you don't want it," he rasped, rubbing the tip more
insistently over the quivering mouth.

A short, harsh sound rolled in Fox's throat as he fought to keep his
mouth closed, but the nearness of him...the newly clean scent...the
brush of velvet over his lips was too much to resist.

"Tell me you don't want me in your mouth, pushing down your throat,
and I'll call you a fucking liar," the honey-coated gravel rumbled
above his head.

Fox whimpered his submission, and his lips parted ever-so-slightly,
allowing the tip of his tongue to slide over the smooth head.

Alex sucked in a quick breath, not willing to take his eyes off of
Fox for a moment. His fingers loosened around the golden-brown
strands of his lover's hair, and he began to tenderly pet them.
"That's better," he purred as Fox opened his mouth further and began
to lick him with more enthusiasm. "God, so much better."

Fox exhaled heavily and took half the length of Alex's cock into his
mouth at once, sucking ravenously, and drawing a hard groan from the
younger man. He withdrew most of the way then slid back down the
glistening shaft, this time working his way to the base. Listening
to Alex's labored breaths, he worked harder, instinctively knowing
that there was no way in hell the younger man could last very long.

Alex threw his head back, the low growl rumbling in his chest
growing louder and louder as his hips began to move in quick, almost
violent bursts. Seconds later, a frantic, sobbing groan tore past
his lips as he pumped a rush of warm fluid down Fox's throat.

Unwilling to release Alex from his mouth, Fox sucked greedily,
milking him of every last drop even while his own cock screeched for
relief.

As soon as Alex regained some of his strength, he began to pull away
but encountered a bit of resistance from the man whose mouth was
still fastened stubbornly around him.

"Fox...lisa, come on...baby, let go. You have to let..." As gently
as he could, Alex forced Fox to release him, and he backed away and
off the bed.

"Where are you..." Fox's head moved from side to side on the pillow.
"Alex, don't go. Don't..."

"Thank you, lisa," Alex interrupted. "As always, you were
incredible. But now, I'm really starving. Gonna go get some
breakfast and take Clyde out. He must be ready to explode by now."

"What about me?" Fox lamented. "I've been ready to explode since
last *night*. Why aren't you worried about *me*?"

The fading sound of Alex's laughter rang in Fox's ears long after
the younger man had left the room.

********************

Fox moaned softly, shifting amongst the warm sheets.

//Shit. When did I...//

As he shook off the last vestiges of sleep, he realized that he was
able to move.

And see.

Fuzzy though his vision was, Fox turned and focused his gaze on the
figure beside him.

Alex reached across the very short distance to let his fingertips
dance across his lover's sleep-swollen mouth.

"You were *out*."

Obviously, otherwise how would he not have awakened when Alex
uncuffed him and took the blindfold off?

"How come I'm...why did you..."

Alex moved, draping himself over the other man's chest and staring
down into his eyes.

"You've had enough. And so have I."

"You? Yeah," Fox pouted. "Me? I haven't had *any*."

Alex smiled serenely. "I meant enough teasing."

"Then reverse my last statement."

Alex shook his head.

"How do you figure you've been teased? Exactly how many times *did*
you come? Remind me, I lost count."

"It was just physical relief, Fox."

"Ohhh," Fox replied sarcastically. "Is that all it was? Well, I'd
have liked to have had some of that *physical* relief..."

Alex cupped the heavily stubbled cheek. "It's hollow. I mean, it was
fun teasing you, but any of those times that I came...they weren't
really satisfying. Not in the way that counts. It won't be complete
until you come with me." He lowered his head and brushed his lips
over Fox's. "Come with me, baby."

A fraction of a second was all that Fox hesitated before he opened
his mouth and met Alex's in a bone melting kiss. Instantly, his arms
came up and wound around the younger man, holding him tightly as
Alex settled his full length on top of him.

//God. Oh, Jesus, thank you.//

Fox pushed up against Alex, feeling their erections touch, and he
released a loud groan into the stillness of the room.

"Now, Alex," he whispered roughly, trying to increase the pressure,
but to his amazement was held off. "No...don't...please. You
said..."

"I know," Alex broke in, stifling his lover's frantic whimpers with
another long kiss. "But I think," he said, releasing Fox's mouth,
"that you deserve a little more than you've gotten the last eighteen
hours." One hand grazed Fox's cheek then slid down his throat and
whispered over a rigid nipple. "Let me make it up to you."

Eyes that at the moment appeared every bit as green as Alex's, gazed
dreamily up at the younger man, hypnotized by the silky, utterly
persuasive voice.

"Please, let me."

Fox's eyes dropped shut, and he arched against the hand still
brushing over his nipple, silently giving the permission that Alex
had asked for.

Emitting a rapturous sigh, Alex came in for another kiss, tenderly
feeding on the luscious lips that only a couple of hours ago had
been wrapped so ravenously around his cock. Stroking his tongue
gently over the soft flesh, he coaxed Fox's mouth open, and he swept
inside, teasing the warm interior.

Drowning in bliss, Fox gave himself up to his lover's will, letting
Alex seduce his mind and body with silent promises of the heaven he
knew well and longed to see. But memories of the demon Alex had been
so very recently crowded in and cast suspicion over those promises,
prompting Fox to react. He began to cling desperately to Alex, his
fingers digging almost painfully into muscles of his lover's back
and shoulders. His mouth clamped down on the presence inside,
sucking greedily, wanting as much as he could get before it was
taken away again...

Alex tensed at the discomfort and attempted to extricate himself
from Fox's grip, but the older man's hold was too strong.

"No," he gasped against the demanding mouth. "Wait...easy, baby..."
Finally, he managed to loosen Fox's grasp and pinned his hands down
on either side of his head.

"Don't," Fox pleaded. "Please, don't."

"Don't what?"

"You're going to stop again."

"No, I'm not. Lisa..."

An abbreviated sob formed in Fox's throat as he strained against the
weight holding him down. "I can't take it. Please, no more."

"No," Alex insisted. "No more. I won't stop this time, baby, I
won't. No more games."

Fox's struggles died as Alex leaned in and nuzzled the side of his
neck. His cries of frustration turned into whimpers of passion as
the younger man moved lower, licking delicately at the tender skin
of his throat. Seconds later, Alex released his hands, and they
began skimming the contours of the well-muscled back, tracing the
more prominent scars and lingering over sensitive areas.

"Promise me."

Alex lifted his head and directed a sparkling, deep green gaze at
the man beneath him.

"I promise."

In all their time together, Alex had never broken a promise for any
reason, and Fox knew that. Sighing softly, he brought Alex back down
for another kiss.

Sure now that Fox believed him, Alex deepened the kiss, letting one
hand roam over as much of the other man's body as his position
allowed, while the other slid under the golden-brown head, cradling
it in his palm. He drank in every sweet sound that his wandering
hand had persuaded Fox to make, and when it reached his upper thigh,
Fox began to tremble violently.

"You're not going to make it, are you?" Alex whispered, lightly
caressing the older man's leg.

Fox drew a ragged breath and nodded. "I'm...I'm okay. I'll be all
right."

"Are you sure?"

Hesitation then another nod.

"Maybe it would help if our cocks weren't pressed together, huh?"

Before Fox could answer, Alex was lifting himself and dropping to
the mattress beside him. He winced at the sudden release of pressure
on his cock, and drew a deep breath to calm the fluttering of his
insides.

"Oh, God..."

"I'm sorry, lisa." Alex kissed Fox's shoulder then drew his tongue
across the same spot. "I should've known better. Are you okay?"

Taking in another long breath through his nose, Fox nodded. "Okay,"
he said on the exhale then turned pleading eyes to his lover.
"Alexei..."

In response, Alex kissed the tip of the other man's nose. Then his
mouth. His chin was next, and when he reached Fox's throat, his
tongue inched out and drew a moist line all the way down to his
chest.

A long, breathy moan left Fox's lips as his lover moved so very
slowly to one rigid nipple, gently circling the brown nub before
pulling it into his mouth. When Alex began to suck lightly, his body
jumped at the pleasurable sting of electricity that sizzled through
him.

"So sensitive," Alex moaned releasing the nipple and blowing on it.

"You would be too if I did what you did to me for all those hours,"
Fox breathed.

Alex looked up at him through a veil of sable lashes. "Are you very
upset with me?"

"*Very* upset?"

"You said you hated me," the younger man pouted, dragging his tongue
across the hard peak.

"Mmm. You know I don't..." Fox sucked in a hard breath as Alex's
teeth closed over the nipple and tugged. "...You know how much I
love you."

Alex released the nipple and moved to its twin, flicking at it with
the tip of his tongue.

"*Shit*. Baby, please. Please, I swear to God, I'm going to come if
you don't..."

Alex lifted his head and smiled at Fox, eyes glittering madly. "You
really think you can?"

Eyes squeezed shut, Fox nodded frantically.

Alex shuddered happily at the thought, but...

"Some other time." He nipped at the skin just below Fox's nipple.
"Right now, I want to make love to you."

"Thank you God, we're finally on the same page," Fox panted.

Alex laughed softly then continued his southerly track, lovingly
bathing Fox's stomach. The twitching of muscles beneath his tongue
hardened his cock to an impossible extent, and he moved on, letting
his mouth flutter over his lover's long neglected erection. The
sound the action triggered reminded Alex of nothing even remotely
human. He looked up to find the other man's face contorted into a
mask of sheer agony and decided that enough was definitely enough.

Licking away the pearl of moisture at the tip of his lover's cock,
he kissed the superheated shaft, then the insides of each thigh, and
slid up to lie beside Fox again.

Gold-kissed eyelashes fluttered open just long enough to see that
Alex had found the lube and was just beginning to unscrew the cap.
Fox's eyes closed again, and he issued a long whimper of
anticipation.

"Baby." Alex reached for Fox's hand and turned it palm side up.
Slick coolness flowed out onto the warm skin, and he kissed Fox's
wrist. "Put it on for me."

Swallowing convulsively, Fox opened his eyes and directed his
trembling hand down to his lover's waiting cock. Both men groaned
softly at his touch, and he slowly and gently applied the gel. When
he finished, Alex planted a tender kiss on his lips.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

Alex squeezed some gel onto his own fingers and slipped them between
the clenching muscles of Fox's ass.

"Help me, Fox."

Fox obediently spread his legs and bent them at the knee, giving
Alex easier access. His fingers tangled in the sheets as one digit
gently worked its way inside, and he strained against Alex's hand,
whimpering and begging for more.

"You're so tight, moy lisa," Alex crooned, stroking the warm
interior. "Squeeze my cock that hard, and I won't last ten seconds."

"I don't care," Fox whined in protest. "Don't wanna
wait...can't...don't make me..."

"I won't, baby, I won't. I told you, no more games." Alex withdrew
his finger and added a second.

A frustrated hum pushed past Fox's compressed lips, and he bucked
involuntarily. "Fuck me," he panted, frantically rocking against his
lover's fingers.

With some small degree of difficulty, Alex withdrew from his lover's
clutching heat and kneeled between his parted thighs. Stroking the
long, lean muscles, Alex slowly shook his head.

"No fucking."

Reading the anguish in Fox's eyes, Alex leaned down and placed a
reassuring kiss on his mouth. "I'm going to make love to you," he
concluded, brushing his lips back and forth across the older man's.

Trembling fingers tangled themselves in Alex's hair, and glittering
pools of gold-splashed green stared up at him. The rest of Fox's
body began to shake as violently as his hands as Alex pulled him
forward and positioned his cock.

"Look at me, baby," Alex commanded softly as he watched Fox's eyes
close. The golden-brown lashes swept upward, and he inched forward.
"Stay with me." His respiration deepened as slick, tight heat slowly
closed in around him, but his eyes remained focused on the object of
his all-consuming desire.

"Beautiful baby...my beautiful..." his words ended on a strangled
sob as with one final, gentle thrust, he buried himself completely
inside his shuddering lover.

Fox's back lifted off the bed as he cried out what could have been
Alex's name, and his muscles seized, trapping the younger man
inside.

"Jesus," Alex gasped. "Baby, please...easy." Trembling hands stroked
Fox's face and chest. Easy..."

Fox bit down on his lower lip as he fought to control the hurricane
of sensation rolling through his body. Release was so close he could
taste it, but for Alex, he would try to hold it off.

For Alex.

The one who had taunted and tormented him...made him wait an
eternity while *he* came time and again over the last day. And now,
Fox was holding it off...hanging on by a ripped fingernail for
*him*. Proving once again that his devotion to this man knew no
boundary or exception.

Slowly, fraction by painful fraction, Alex felt Fox's vice-grip on
him loosen, and he relaxed against the older man's chest. "That's
it," he whispered, feeling the tickle of a bead of sweat as it
rolled down from the nape of his neck and over his back. "Breathe,
lisa."

Fox took breath after shaky breath as his hands moved over Alex's
shoulders, and he searched the forest-green depths of his lover's
eyes. His mouth opened to speak, but no sound could be heard as he
mouthed the simple words that Alex so easily read.

"Love me."

Tenderly pressing his palm to Fox's cheek, Alex let his thumb rasp
across the older man's lips as he carefully withdrew then slid back
home. Hesitating a moment, he successfully executed a second thrust
and then a third before Fox's soft cries for satisfaction completely
undid him. His hand left his lover's face and slid over his pounding
chest and taut abdomen, combing briefly through the dark patch of
hair at his groin before wrapping around his diamond-hard erection.

Fox began to gasp, taking in great quantities of air as Alex's hand
began to move in unison with his hips, but nothing short of a
miracle was going to stop the explosion he'd waited so long for. As
gentle as Alex was being, the sensations his tenderness was evoking
were anything but. They were violent, and they were devastating,
promising a conclusion that would leave Fox's mind and body
shattered for hours to come, and he wanted it. More than he wanted
to breathe.

Alex watched the color of Fox's eyes change to the closest thing to
black he'd ever seen, and he knew there was no turning back. Not
that he had any such inclination. He quickened his pace and
whispered breathless encouragement to his sobbing lover.

"It's all yours, baby. Come on...take it. I'm there...I'm with
you...sweet baby, I'm right there..."

And so was Fox. In one sweating, heaving instant, it was on him. He
clung to Alex, trembling violently while tidal waves of devastation
ripped his body apart, and his roars of long awaited satisfaction
shook the windows in their frames.

Alex held his wailing lover tightly with one arm while his other
hand glided quickly over his cock, and he continued to sink again
and again into his body, refusing to stop until he'd wrung every
last ounce of pleasure from him. He'd tortured Fox long and
mercilessly, and now he was going to make damn sure that his lover
enjoyed every explosive second of his reward.

The height of the storm passed, and Alex rolled onto his back,
pulling Fox into his arms, where he lay shuddering, his body kept on
a low hum by the hand still moving over the length his still rigid
cock.

"Can't quite stop, can you?" the lazy, satisfied purr tickled Fox's
ear.

In answer, the older man grimaced, twitching spasmodically every
time Alex squeezed him.

"Want me to stop?"

Emitting a desperate whimper, Fox shook his head and burrowed into
Alex's warmth. Another gentle squeeze, and he bucked into his
lover's fist, softly gasping his pleasure.

"I have an idea," Alex whispered, gently biting down on Fox's
earlobe and pulling. "Since you're still hard..."

Fox shivered in anticipation as Alex rolled over, presenting his
back to him. He slid forward, molding himself to his lover's back
and guided his semen-slick erection into his ass.

Alex sighed heavily, wiggling against the man behind him and making
sure he was as deeply buried inside him as he could be. Fox
whimpered into his hair, wrapping him in a weakened embrace.

"I know you're tired, baby," Alex said to him. "Just lie there and
let me make you feel good." Slowly, he rocked against Fox,
contracting his muscles intermittently as he moved, loving the sound
of blissfully exhausted sobs.

Fox nuzzled the back of his lover's neck, tasting the salty tang of
sweat as tiny aftershocks continued to control his body. "I love
you," he whispered unsteadily, petting his lover's damp chest.

Alex closed his eyes and smiled, reaching back to stroke Fox's hair.
"Still amazing, considering what I've done to you."

"Should be furious with you, but..." Fox paused, moaning softly as
another tiny jolt passed through him. "I can't."

"Good thing, or you might have left me years ago."

Finding a bit more strength, Fox tightened his arm around Alex.
"Never."

Alex lifted the hand from his chest and placed a soft kiss in the
palm. "Finally coming down?" he asked, squeezing the subsiding
presence inside him.

Fox nodded, snuggling against his lover. "I don't know how it is I
lived through that. Feel like parts of me should be scattered all
over the room."

Alex chuckled softly. "I thought you were going to tear me apart."

"Hmm?"

"From the way my back is throbbing, I'd say I'm going to have a
couple more scars added to my collection."

"What?" Fox lifted his head and looked down at the younger man's
back. Sure enough, a number of angry red welts had risen across his
upper back and shoulders. "Shit. Alex, I don't even remember..."

Alex released his lover's now depleted cock and turned to take him
in his arms. "I'm *sure* you don't." He grinned and planted a kiss
on the tip of the other man's nose. "You're such an animal."
Growling, he nipped at the other's lower lip. "Thank God."

Fox returned the grin. The grin turned to a leer, and he spoke, his
voice low and honey-sweet. "It's good that you like my bestial side,
babe. 'Cause when I recover from this, you're going to pay. And I'm
sure you already know this, but you owe me *big*."

Alex squirmed in delight. "I know. It wouldn't be nearly as much fun
if you didn't make me pay."

"Sick freak."

"Sorry, babe," Alex cooed. "I'm *done*. No sense in trying to turn
me on now."

"You're just lucky I'm done too or I'd have to challenge that." Fox
curled himself into Alex's embrace and closed his eyes. "Go to
sleep, dammit, I'm beat."

Alex kissed the top of the golden-brown head then rested his cheek
on it. "'No, but I can beat you tomorrow, if you like."

"Shut up."

Laughing softly, Alex hugged Fox to him. "'Night, lisa."

Fox's muffled goodnight was the last word spoken before the two men
eventually fell into a deep, contented sleep.

********************

"You gonna drop it in, or what?"

"I'm gonna..."

"Sometime this week?"

Alex sent the other man half-hearted glare and looked down at the
envelope he held in his hand. It was the right thing to do. He knew
it was, and yet...

"Babe?"

Alex took a deep breath and released the white rectangle, watching
it disappear into the depths of the mailbox. He turned to his
smiling lover, who wrapped him gently in his arms.

"I'm very proud of you."

Alex returned the smile. "That means everything to me." He took a
deep breath and nodded. "I think I feel better."

"See? I know it was hard, but you just needed to take that last
step."

"It *was* hard," Alex admitted. "Obviously, or it wouldn't have
taken me this long to do it." he turned sparkling eyes up to his
lover. "Thank you for putting up with all my craziness."

"You were crazy for a damn good reason. I know we thought it was
over before, but this is different. I *feel* it, this time. Really,
physically feel it."

"I know," Alex breathed, pressing his forehead to Fox's. "I know
exactly what you mean. I've never felt this positive before." he
leaned into Fox's arms, neither man caring who might be around to
see. "We can finally get on with our life."

Fox's mouth brushed Alex's temple, and he murmured against it,
"Welcome back, baby." He drew the younger man back for a long, sweet
kiss then released him. "Now..." He turned and guided Alex down the
sidewalk with one hand placed low in his back. "...there's one more
thing you can do to make me *really* proud."

A curious green stare focused on the older man. "What?"

Fox stopped short, pulled back a few steps by Clyde, who had
suddenly stopped to sniff a patch of grass. He sighed at the dog's
impeccable timing, then looked at Alex. "Make an appointment for
this beast to get neutered."

Alex's eyes widened at the suggestion. "But..." he sputtered,
looking from Fox to the dog and back again. "C'mon, Fox, that's
barbaric!"

"It is *not*. Don't you want him to live a long, healthy life?"

"Of course I do, but..."

"You know it's best. It should've been done a long time ago."

Alex grimaced at the thought. "He'll never forgive me."

"He'll love you more," Fox argued softly, amusement lacing his tone.

"Yeah, well, if you're so sure, then *you* do it."

Fox sighed and shook his head. "Okay, fine. I just figured that
since you were the one who took him for all his vet appointments,
you would do this too. But...no problem. I'll take care of it. I'll
call the vet as soon as we get in the house."

"Jeez, don't you even wanna think about it?"

"I *have* thought about it. This isn't the first conversation we've
about this, remember?"

Alex fell into a brooding silence as they resumed their walk.

"It'll be okay, babe," Fox assured the younger man, rubbing his hand
up and down his back.

No response.

Fox rolled his eyes and sighed, completing their trip back to the
house in silence. Once inside, he gave Clyde some water and caught
Alex by the wrist as he passed by, dragging the other man up against
his body.

"You mad at me?"

Alex lowered his head and said nothing.

"I can get you to talk."

Nothing.

"As a matter of fact," Fox growled, cupping the denim-clad ass and
squeezing, "I can make you scream."

A tiny flash of a smile appeared and disappeared, and a glittering
emerald gaze rested on Fox's face. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"I think you're full of shit."

"You challenging me, Krycek?" Fox asked, rubbing their growing
erections together.

"Maybe."

Fox grinned at the tone he knew so well.

Alex gasped sharply as without warning, Fox stooped and bent him in
half with a hard shoulder to his middle. He recovered a quick breath
but used it up quickly, laughing and cursing as Fox lifted and
carried him over his shoulder into the bedroom.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled, groaning as the older man
dropped him none too gently onto the bed. A low, nasty chuckle
mocked him as Fox moved to the toy chest and dragged it over to the
side of the bed.

"I told you the other day," Fox mumbled, presently engrossed in
searching out every sadistic item in their considerable arsenal,
"that you owed me *big*." He pulled out an evil looking ten inch
vibrator and turned it on, testing the battery. "Time to pay..." He
tossed the younger man a purely demonic grin. "...*big*."

Alex squirmed on the mattress, drawing himself up toward the
headboard. "Yeah, uh...I know, but don't you think..." He stopped in
mid sentence, whimpering at the sight of the ball gag and full body
harness.

"Don't I think what?" Fox asked nonchalantly, adjusting the leather
straps.

Alex swallowed hard, unable to resume his train of thought. "I...I
don't...I don't know..."

"What'sa matter, babe? You seem a little nervous." "Nervous?" Alex
asked, voice cracking like fine crystal in an earthquake. "N-no..."

"No?" Fox questioned, picking up a pair of tiny nipple clamps and
stalking toward the wide-eyed man. "Aww, baby. You really should
be..."

********************

"Matt? You've got mail, honey."

The young man walked in from his mother's living room, noticing the
woman's odd expression. He looked down at her hands and turned
almost as white as the envelope she held. He looked up into his
mother's eyes, not knowing what to do.

"What...what do you think he wants?" he asked, again eyeing the
return address.

"We won't know until you open it," the woman replied, holding the
envelope out to her son.

Gingerly, he took the object and moved a few feet away.

"I can't..." He stopped and took a steadying breath. "I can't
imagine what he could have to say to me."

"Matt..."

"I know, I know. Open it and find out." Matthew took a deep breath
and ripped the envelope open, pulling out two folded sheets of
paper. He looked up at his mother who still hovered nearby. "Mom, do
you...do you mind if I read it to myself, first?"

"Of course not, honey. It's a private matter. If you feel you'd like
to share it later, you know you can do that." That said, the woman
quietly slipped from the room, leaving Matthew alone with the last
he'd ever hear of Alex...


Matthew,

I've had some time to think since we last met, and I've decided that
for the benefit of all concerned, this matter needs to be put to
rest; finally and for good.

For almost a year now, I've let memories of you and Justin Saint
James haunt me. Night and day, you were there. One or both of you.
Sometimes just lingering in the background, at the very least
irritating me like a persistent rash. And sometimes you were right
out there in front, completely decimating what I thought I had left
of my mind, and taking my world, my relationship with Fox right to
the edge of destruction.

It wasn't me who pulled us out of the fire. I didn't even know we
were that close to ruin, so obsessed was I with proving to myself
and the world that I was *not* a beaten man. It was Fox. Always Fox
who would put on the brakes and drag us back from the catastrophic
end I was driving us toward.

He tried. God knows he tried so hard to make me see. To make me
understand what I was doing to us, and I wouldn't listen. But
always, he searched for another way. He wouldn't give up, though
there were times when I made it almost impossible for him to go on
trying. I swear to Christ, I still don't know what it is I did to
deserve his love, but I'm eternally grateful for it, and for him and
him alone, I'd lay down my life. I don't know of a better way to
express to you the depth of my love for this man.

Things came to a head after your letter arrived asking for a meeting
between us. I absolutely refused, making him toss the letter
immediately into the garbage. He tried to talk to me. He pleaded
with me to take the opportunity to get things settled once and for
all, and I accused him of wanting to reopen my wounds. That hurt
him. I saw the pain in his beautiful eyes, and still I couldn't
bring myself to listen. I went on hurting him and finally, after two
nearly fatal incidents; one involving myself, and the other
involving us both, I started to come around. Fox begged me to help
put us back where we belonged, and finally I listened. But not as
well as I should have.

At his insistence I met with you, and all I could think about during
the time you were here was what you did to me, and how much I wanted
you to suffer for it.

His idea wasn't working. Not because it was a bad one. It wasn't. I
sabotaged those meetings before I even got to them with my hatred
and unwillingness to forgive. It consumed me. It turned my life
upside down and used up all my energy. Energy better spent living my
life. Loving my Fox. I can't do that anymore. I won't. I had a
perfect life with Fox before you and Saint James, and I'll have it
again.

To do that, I have to let go. Let go of the pain and the hate. I
have to admit to myself that you truly felt as though you had no
choice in doing what you did. If you had, you never would have let
Saint James control you the way he did. Being who I am, it was very
hard for me to understand that. But with Fox's help, I've worked
through it, and I'm able to actually sit down and write this letter
to you. It's something I never thought I'd be able to do. Something
I never thought I'd *want* to do. But here I am.

I need to be free, Matthew. And I haven't been. Not since the day
Saint James took me from my home. I've been his prisoner for far
longer than the few days he had me caged in Connecticut. I realize
now that the only way for me to truly be free is to free you as
well.

I've let it go. All of it. The anger, the guilt. The fear. Now, you
let it go. Reclaim yourself and find a life. There's one out there
for you. And if you're extremely lucky, you might even find one half
as perfect as mine.

Alex